Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire __One Percent - 1%__ Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never.



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Marriage. Women and men are told what a marriage is supposed to be. We as humans are born and must follow our parents rules, struggling to be recognized as independent. Then we become indepent, slowly defining and fine-tuning, finding our integral selves. We meet a person that is mutually attracted by our individuality and independence. We get engaged…the big day…then the marriage begins. But what is marriage? For some reason, we forget ourselves; sacrificing for the greater ___. We don’t talk about the changes we make in ourselves for “the marriage.” We keep silent about it – that we lose ourselves. And talking about it is very difficult because we are told marriage is about sacrifice. We don’t want to look ungrateful. We don’t want to explain that we feel ourselves a sham. We believe the lie that is told to us is marriage and we get pulled by the riptide and drug to the bottom by the undertow. It is sad because it doesn’t have to be that way. Why do we as a society think that the true measure of a successful marriage is to portray the Brady’s or Huxtable’s? Why do we think that dysfunction is arguing? The real dysfunction is pride - NOT talking; keeping the struggle inside and letting it fester.
The person you fall in love with, who falls in love with you, believes that each is equally bringing their “true selves” to the table, flaws and all. When engagement and marriage is sealed with a kiss, what is forgotten is that what you each fell in love with is what you wanted to be bound to for the rest of your lives. It is a shame that the “fairytale” society tells us is to change, sacrifice and even suffer for the sake of that same fairytale. It is an injustice to ourselves, our children too, to continue to propagate a falsity that causes people to never speak or get needed help when things must be corrected – that those married don’t even feel they have the right to speak to their partner about concerns or problems.
When a marriage is over and the reason given is “you’ve changed,” it is overlooked that the change was the loss of identity – the perceived sacrifices that were made. And someone is stuck thinking, “I made those sacrifices for you!” But think about it, did you make those sacrifices because you were asked or told to or because you thought that was your role in the relationship?
We are taught that love and dedication is sacrificing, whether that is for your family, spouse, friends, job or children. To an extent that is true, but one thing I have told anyone that is closest to me, and asks me, is that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone. That is key! You have to feel good about yourself if you want to show your love and dedication to any. Otherwise, the insecurities leak out and some people in this world will take advantage of that.

Labels: change, dedication, family, love, marriage, sacrifice, spouse

holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 02:26

Look `em up; tell me what you find though, I only have my books and thoughts - I won't be any help on the internet. This is in no order whatsoever. Those in Bedlam will/can/may/have put it together nicely, I'm sure. *humming her own little tune* Updated: I do spell-checking in my head; sometimes goes on the fritz (not _you_ Fritz! haha). Always reworking my work and get back to it when I can. Oopsie!

phwoah/phwoar TMI 17.40 remove 19.21 again 19.33 - 19.58 unique one odd pansexual(comebacktowhatImeanonthat...) enchant strange nunk The Dedicarte Association alcansaria ton only heap farmhouse asshole prophet pienza wine good food warm chocolate bittersweet coffee crazy corset breathless lawyers let down hence jigsaw scent stars crumbliest guns girl voice wonderland headspace tasted Fall at Your Feet morals set suck Barbara Hutton money enemy sleep fall wild flakiest want tough friend rough shit saxophones scorn silver bells open corners dance thirteen majick power Friday slow separation thence library /bottled water surely is money wasted/you know it's not even fluoridated/ CBT Albert Ellis 1913-2007/ Ingmar Bergman 1918 - 2007/ Noctilucent Cloud/ Nina Simone/Jeff Buckley/ TH 16.41 - 17.06 noddle noddy node nodule noetic noggin picture soul body spirit organise home quit smoking wright job differentiation love justice walking sugarcoat prey Pied Piper piecemeal /prove it/prov't/provost/ contraction/ haplography copal contre-jour glory hole box hanuman hap happi happy happen ambisexual diploid dipthong hanger hangi hansel HERO nihilistic genocides stark survivors tell truth pedantic panting Google thesarus endurance tightness work psyche stretching sadism stop-gap use than/then beginnings complicated touch current contract oo-eer viscisous 17.48 - 17.56 dreams pleasure words rain puppet childhood addiction cry high Tri-M 15:36 - 16:32 dawn instinctual nap/sleep hollow journey angel mother lover woman goof prodigal shoulder emotional blow my mind yoga flexibility pain sing colloquialisms hazel run lifetime The Senior socks move on wet noodle balloons cigarettes smoke personality lovely bracelet Wild World coincidence face expression active adventurous self-sufficient saliva blood trouble robust blunt feats of agility, strength, exertion & endurance 16:46 - 18:54 translating manspeak whisper subliminal seduction manhandling warrior wonder woman soulseeker SM101 valkyrie vivi Exquisite Corpse funcrazy crazy vs. mad John Bull definitions pernoctate yoni yonks folkie vocation jolie laide titular Pallas Minerva Athena goddess of war & reason songsmith vs. songwriter vs. wordsmith tocsin tintinnabulation of the skin - tinkle TNT trinitrotoluene would your its it's to be certain maker or builder heroine serendipitous accede torment surrender inflict painful aching erotic keep it up herting immersed damn! never forget the kiss and hug
holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 22:45

Nunk: Hindu - Hinduism Dictionary on Nunk
nunk: A contemporary word coined by Catholic theologian Raimundo Panikkar to describe women contemplatives or female monks, in contrast to the word nun which commonly describes a religious teacher or service-oriented woman under vows. A nunk is a celibate woman following strict, perhaps austere and usually solitary, spiritual disciplines and lifestyle. By balancing the masculine and feminine energies within herself through sadhana and yoga, she is a complete being, detached from the thoughts and feelings of others, free to follow the contemplative and mystical life in pursuit of the Self within. To accomplish this, she works to permanently conquer her feminine instincts and the emotional tendencies of a woman's body. She strives to transmute her sexuality into the Divine, giving up her womanliness so thoroughly that she is indistinguishable from a monk. In Hinduism, nunks may be sannyasinis, yoginis or sadhikas.
See: monastic, sannyasin, monk.
(See also: Nunk , Hinduism, Body Mind and Soul)


Monk: Hindu - Hinduism Dictionary on Monk
monk: A celibate man wholly dedicated to religious life, either cenobitic (residing with others in a monastery) or anchoritic (living alone, as a hermit or mendicant). Literally, "one who lives alone" (from the Greek monos, "alone").

Through the practice of yoga, the control and transmutation of the masculine and feminine forces within himself, the monk is a complete being, free to follow the contemplative and mystic life toward realization of the Self within. Benevolent and strong, courageous, fearless, not entangled in the thoughts and feelings of others, monks are affectionately detached from society, defenders of the faith, kind, loving and ever-flowing with timely wisdom. A synonym for monastic. Its feminine counterpart is nunk.
See: monastic, sannyasin, nunk.
(See also: Monk , Hinduism, Body Mind and Soul)

OK, maybe I can sleep tonight. Learned something _very_ interesting and new today.

Labels: Body Mind and Soul, Hinduism, Monk, Nunk

holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 21:13

Kids were given the gift of going to Borders books and lunch by their Mema. Very cool gesture, I'm gonna do that... one day...
Anyways, so we get to their house so's we can carpool w/Poppi - it was good; his driving is a bit choppy (but that, is another story) though I didn't have to drive so *shrug* I had music in my head that I was singing (soothes me) and so he kept convo to a minimum to be able to hear me. *grinning*
We arrive at Borders and right in the front was this red hardcover with black and gold writing - Gonn and Hal Iggulden's The Dangerous Book for Boys. As Mema was handing out the gift cards to the kids and telling them to have fun (I like the term 'have at it' meself), I was reading the coverplate of the book and somewhere between "Don't worry about..." and "...genius and don't worry about not being clever," I knew I wanted the book. Mema gave me a smile and handed me a gift card too. And 30% off the book too! Ya know how much I like gettin' deals.
This book has a warning note for parents too - maybe that's what got me. Or maybe it is the back of the book: "Recapture Sunday afternoons and long summer days. The perfect book for every boy from eight to eighty."
Moving on, I told my SIL that I had to have this book and _eventually_ read it (I got a friggin' backlog of like 40 books right now, not my typical but I've not made the time, had the time...excuses excuses). She thought it was interesting. I said as I'm a boy, I needed to find ways of keepin' myself out of trouble and she laughed. My son pointed out I wasn't a boy - I told him that was debatable. Even bigger laugh from SIL, and that made me *smile*. Not surprisingly, my daughter said she was a boy too.
This brings up a very interesting point - physically, we are NOT boys - yeah, I know, newsflash eh? We know all about this but there is that difference of not fitting in. This doesn't apply to my girl. She has girlfriends and does the whole girly-thing that I haven't managed to grasp yet in my years. There are males I can hang with that get me and those that just say they do and those that don't at all. It's only been a handful of females that get me and we hang-on to each other. So, what I've been doing is working with my girl to understand that one should never sacrifice their time to a boy just for attention; your _real_ girfriends should always be there for you when you call; don't be afraid to flex a mental or physical muscle to get your point across but less is more most of the time; NEVER leave a girl behind on Girls Night Out (and I've gotten into a few arguments with the chickees, and the gross-guys that tried to pick `em up, I've gone out with); always be true to yourself - you are your own best compass (ha! except when you're not); beauty has nothing to do with the outside, it is all about how well you take care of your inside - where soul meets body. There are quite a few more lessons in there somewhere, they get picked up and taught along the way. These aren't necessarily girl-talk convos, I tell my boy all about it too but it has to start somewhere.
It is discouraging to see how people are getting nowadays, but that, is another story...
Conan the Barbarian - awesome film.

Labels: boys, clever, danger, determination, Gonn, Hal, honest, Iggulden, kind, loyal, perserverance, summer, The Dangerous Book for Boys

holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 06:21