Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
Thank you for your help. Taurus - Daily: Quit it with the nice guy act, okay? There's a big difference between being nice and kind, after all. With the former, usually you're just trying to get everyone to like you. With the latter, you're doing or saying what is genuinely in the best interests of all the parties involved, even though it may not be the easiest route to take. You're nice when you want to appease other people, but when you're kind, you're being true to yourself. Scorpio - Daily: Someone needs your help, but they're feeling far too proud and fragile to actually come out and -- gulp -- ask for it. Be a Good Samaritan and do a little behind-the-scenes work on their behalf. No matter what, don't share the news of what you did. Not only are there a few loose-lipped types who'd be only too glad to blab to all interested parties, but you'd be thwarting the true meaning of charity. Act discreetly and swiftly. holla@me Saturday, September 17, 2005
What a freakin' strange thing @ Hot or Not - I put author name Christa Faust in my keywords and it was rejected. I did a kw search and apparently no one has it in their profile so it must be something "risque". I was reminded again that HoN is a PG site. ha! As busy as Life seems to be, the days are smearing into the other leaving nothing but a pool of mixed-up madness. Escape! Struggle to understand and balance the sad norm. One can grow accustomed and live in any situation. It is what it is. Disgruntled. Mistrustful. Worn down. Don't worry be happy is a fucking lie. Exploited Now what is it? Shi feels so lonely and it shows. Can't hide it. Doesn't want to. Please don't do this, Shi thinks. Only an hour or two before they can slip among the covers seemingly so close but the bond they share is a tender thread stretching between a million mile void. Why is there always something wrong? Yell, Scream, Shout, Cuss, Stomp, Punch! these actions run through her mind. Maybe one of them would finally make him receptive and see how he's draining her. Now matter how many times, how direct, in a letter or verbalized, Shi states the problem - he doesn't hear. The real issues he just stares. The ones he thinks will make everything go back, he cries and apologizes. Then it's over. He feels cleansed, penitent - washed in the blood... Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day; American Idiot Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last wake me up when september ends like my fathers come to pass seven years has gone so fast wake me up when september ends here comes the rain again falling from the stars drenched in my pain again becoming who we are as my memory rests but never forgets what I lost wake me up when september ends summer has come and passed the innocent can never last wake me up when september ends ring out the bells again like we did when spring began wake me up when september ends here comes the rain again falling from the stars drenched in my pain again becoming who we are as my memory rests but never forgets what I lost wake me up when september ends Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last wake me up when september ends like my father's come to pass twenty years has gone so fast wake me up when september ends wake me up when september ends wake me up when september ends Give Me Novocaine - Green Day; American Idiot Take away the sensation inside Bitter sweet migraine in my head It's like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind I can't take this feeling anymore Drain the pressure from the swelling, The sensations overwhelming, Give me a long kiss goodnight And everything will be alright Tell me that I won't feel a thing So give me Novocaine Out of body and out of mind Kiss the demons out of my dreams I get the funny feeling, that’s alright Jimmy says it's better than here, I’ll tell you why Drain the pressure from the swelling, The sensations overwhelming, Give me a long kiss goodnight And everything will be alright Tell me that I won't feel a thing, So give me Novocaine Oh Novocaine Drain the pressure from the swelling, The sensations overwhelming Give me a long kiss goodnight And everything will be alright Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing, So give me Novocaine Whatshername - Green Day; American Idiot Thought I ran into you down on the street Then it turned out to only be a dream I made a point to burn all of the photographs She went away and then I took a different path I remember the face but I can't recall the name Now I wonder how Whatshername has been... Seems that she disappeared without a trace Did she ever marry ol' Whatshisface? I made a point to burn all of the photographs She went away and then I took a different path I remember the face but I can't recall the name Now I wonder how Whatshername has been... Remember, whatever It seems like forever ago Remember, whatever It seems like forever ago The regrets are useless In my mind She's in my head I must confess The regrets are useless She's in my head From so long ago (Go, Go, Go, Go...) And in the darkest light If my memory serves me right I'll never turn back time Forgetting you but not the time. Letterbomb - Green Day; American Idiot ... She said I can't take this place I'm leaving it behind Well she said I can't take this town I'm leaving you tonight ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: You think you can get more done alone, but it's not true. Reach for a helping hand. Overview: Need to figure out an exit strategy? Why not run it by one of your closest pals? Not only do they know you inside and out, but they'll be able to bring their own unique point of view to help you cover any patchy spots. Taurus -Daily: Your grip on reality may not be quite as firm as it has been in the past. While this fires you up in the creative realm (and may give you some inspiration for finding a solution for a long-standing problem), it's not a great time for risky business when it comes to love or money. No matter how sure-fire a scheme or a prospect seems, if you jump in without thinking, you may live to regret it. Err on the side of caution, and then err on that side some more. Leo -Daily: Lookin' for love in all the wrong places? Maybe it's time to halt the search for the moment and figure out what it is you really want from the relationship question. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship, personal or professional relationship -- if it's causing you an inordinate amount of fuss, it's time to examine what's at the foundation of it, what you expect to get from it, and what exactly you put into it. Getting some clarity on your motives will help resolve any tension. holla@me Thursday, September 15, 2005
It's hard to "know" when something is or isn't gonna work. I try and I try but I can't get no satisfaction. The house, the kids, the pets, the laundry, the lawn... He does work hard and try hard - As do I. I have quite a list of people I need to call and chat with. I've been a bit neglectful on that. I'm glad that my family and friends forgive me or I'd be a lonely bitch. People expect it - I like to disappear. heh My writing is also not on a time-table so when I get that burst of creative intellect that I can get out of my head and onto paper/recorder/PC, I jump on it. Had a good night last night. Dude and I seem to have found a neutral territory. That isn't too hard though; we've known each other for so long, are so physically comfortable, so compatible together...we can sit and have an evening of joking around and meta-discussion/debate. We just can't talk about 'us'. Fucked up ain't it? ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Others are acting weird around you, but they are only trying to get a reaction. Overview: 'Don't get mad -- get even.' Tempting, isn't it? However, the backlash and psychic hangover from such a course of action really isn't worth it. If things are just too strange, breathe deeply and learn to roll with the punches for now. Leo Daily extended: It's hard to let go of an old relationship, whether it's a friend you've known since kindergarten or someone you see on a daily basis. However, if the situation is getting more and more uncomfortable, and you two are getting less and less enjoyment from each other's company, it's time to evaluate what's going on with a clear and cool head. It's nobody's fault -- in fact, it's quite normal. You're just growing in different directions. holla@me
...and the days are long with much to do. It doesn't seem like there will ever be a break. Setting up the home office and teaching and managing the kids AND my own social lives. I've noticed I've been spending too much time in my current habitat - makes me edgy and irritable - I need the time to interact without the responsibility. Fat chance! Being a mother is much more than fixing meals, making sure clothing & shelter are included. Time, patience, love, understanding, patience, "hearing" as well as listening, patience, jokes, laughs, humor, compassion, patience... holla@me Friday, September 09, 2005
AP: Science A few that I liked... Genes Show Signs Brain Still Evolving - Scientists say the findings are still controversial. The superiority complex that many humans have, ever bothers the shit outta me! Who are we to think that we are "the best" animals, created and otherwise? It baffles my mind this self-importance of our species and to think we even go as far as to say we're the smartest, at the pinnacle of the evolutionary chart? fucking idiots we are for sure... Pensacola Opposes Contaminated Soil Plan - PENSACOLA, Fla. - The city council has voted unanimously to oppose the federal government's plan to leave mounds of contaminated soil untreated at a former wood treating plant.~~ Is anyone surprised? I think the soil should be used to keep the grounds at the White House and various other FedGov officials. Ooooh, how does your garden "glow"! Estimates Put Wolf Numbers Up in Rockies - BILLINGS, Mont. - The number of gray wolves in the Northern Rockies has increased to more than 900 since last year, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service estimated Tuesday. holla@me Thursday, September 08, 2005
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Don't be scared of your deepest emotions -- it's essential to feel, understand them. Overview: Everyone's clamoring for your opinion and your attention, and you're more than willing to lend an ear when you can. Go ahead and soak up all the attention -- earthy types like yourself love all this contact with people. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)If your emotions were a bank, you might be feeling just a touch overdrawn right now; remember that while it's always nice to feel a little nostalgia for days of yore, you're really not helping yourself by staying stuck in the past. In fact, you may actually be missing a wonderful opportunity by not being fully present in the here and now. Not only is the present moment pretty great, but your future could be bright indeed -- if you can get out of your memories. "Love To Be Loved" – Peter Gabriel; US (Aaaaahi, byeeee) So, you know how people are When it's all gone much too far The way their minds are made Still, there's something you should know That I could not let show That fear of letting go And in this moment, I need to be needed With this darkness all around me, I like to be liked In this emptiness and fear, I want to be wanted 'Cause I love to be loved I love to be loved [x2] Yes, I love to be loved I cry the way that babies cry The way they can't deny The way they feel Words, they climb all over you 'Til they uncover you From where you hide And in this moment, I need to be needed When my self-esteem is sinking, I like to be liked In this emptiness and fear, I want to be wanted 'Cause I love to be loved I love to be loved [x2] Oh I love to be loved This old familiar craving I've been here before, this way of behaving Don't know who the hell I'm saving anymore Let it pass let it go let it leave From the deepest place I grieve This time I believe And I let go [x2] I can let go of it Though it takes all the strength in me And all the world can see I'm losing such a central part of me I can let go of it You know I mean it You know that I mean it I recognize how much I've lost But I cannot face the cost 'Cause I love to be loved Yes I love to be loved I love to be loved [x3] I love to be loved I love to be loved Yes I love to be loved holla@me Tuesday, September 06, 2005
CAKE - Never There Lyrics I need your arms around me, I need to feel your touch, I need your understanding, I need your love, So much, You tell me that you love me so, You tell me that you care, But when I need you, (BABY) Baby, (You're never there), On the phone, Long long distance, Always through such, Strong resistance, When first you say, You're too busy, I wonder if you, Even miss me, Never there, You're never there, You're never, ever, Ever ever there. Hey! A golden bird that flies away, A candle's fickle flame, To think I held you yesterday, Your love was just a game, A golden bird that flies away, A candle's fickle flame, To think I held you yesterday, Your love was just a game, You tell me that you love me so, You tell me that you care, But when I need you, (BABY) Baby, Take the time, To get to know me, If you want me, Why can't you just show me, We're always on, This roller coaster, If you want me, Why can't you get closer, Never there, You're never there, You're never, ever, Ever ever there, Never there, You're never there, You're never, ever, Ever ever there Only - Nine Inch Nails; With Teeth I'm becoming less defined as days go by Fading away Well you might say I'm losing focus Kind of drifting into the abstract In terms of how I see myself Sometimes I think I can see right through myself Sometimes I think I can see right through myself Sometimes I can see right through myself Less concerned About fitting into the world Your world that is Cause it doesn't really matter anymore No it really doesn't matter anymore No it really doesn't matter anymore None of this really matters anymore Yes i'm alone But then again I always was As far back as I can tell I think maybe It's because you were never really real To begin with I just wake you up to hurt myself I just wake you up to hurt myself Yeah And I just wake you up to hurt myself I just wake you up to hurt myself Yeah And I just wake you up to hurt myself And it worked Yes it did! There is no you There is only me There is no you There is only me There is no fucking you There is only me There is no fucking you There is only me Only me Only me Only me Only me The tiniest little dot caught my eye And it turned out to be a scab And I had this funny feeling Like I just knew it's something bad I just couldn't leave it alone Picking at the scab Love is a doorway Trying to see itself shut But I climbed through Now I'm somewhere I am not supposed to be And I can see things I knew I really shouldn't see And now I know why Now Now Now I know Things aren't as pretty On the inside There is no you There is only me There is no you There is only me There is no fucking you There is only me There is no fucking you There is only me Only [8x] holla@me
Stars - Switchfoot; Nothing is Sound Maybe I've been the problem Maybe I'm the one to blame But even when I turn it off and blame myself The outcome feels the same I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy Maybe I'm the chance of rain And maybe I'm overcast And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain I've been thinking 'bout everyone, Everyone you look so lonely But when I look at the stars When I look at the stars When I look at the stars, I see someone else When I look at the stars The stars, I feel like myself Stars looking at a planet Watching entropy and pain And maybe to start to wonder How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance Of a hope beyond my own And suddenly the infinite and penitent Begin to look like home I've been thinking about everyone Everyone you look so empty But when I look at the stars When I look at the stars When I look at the stars, I see someone else When I look at the stars The stars, I feel like myself. Yeah! Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty When I look at the stars When I look at the stars When I look at the stars, I feel like myself When I look at the stars The stars, I see someone... holla@me
An observation I made - I like the ocean/beach/waves much more than pool because I have to make my own fun pooling, while the ocean is interactive. Having the existential beliefs I do, I like to cautiously play with and watch nature/chaos as I've also noticed that it's once we try to control chaos, things go wrong. But if not available, I'll make my own fun. holla@me Come Talk to Me – Peter Gabriel; US ... Won’t you please talk to me If you’d just talk to me Unblock this misery If you’d only talk to me {chorus 2:} Don’t you ever change your mind Now your future’s so defined And you act so deaf and blind [and you act so deaf so blind] Come on, come talk to me Come talk to me [x2] I can imagine the moment Breaking out through the silence All the things that we both might say And the heart it will not be denied ’til we’re both on the same damn side All the barriers blown away I said please talk to me Won’t you please come talk to me Just like it used to be Come on, come talk to me I did not come to steal This all is so unreal Can you show me how you feel now Come on, come talk to me Come talk to me [x2] ... Leo Daily extended: Agreeing just to try and get along with everyone doesn't really help and usually just hurts. It's time to know your own mind and voice your opinions. What are you agreeing to? What do you really want to do? Do you believe in what's being said, or do you have a completely different take on the situation? Think about these questions and start asserting yourself. Others may be startled initially, but they'll respect you more. holla@me Sunday, September 04, 2005
OOOh, and I've been doing just this very thing this weekend...without reading my horoscope! *beaming ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Don't by shy about showing affection. Kisses and hugs will say what you can't. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Your magnetism has been slowly but surely heating up, and right now it's about to come to a full boil. Few can resist your sultry self even at your lowest ebb, but at a time like this when your charisma is practically off the charts, you can talk the birds down from the trees. Now the only question is where to aim all this dazzling charm. Be generous and share it with everyone who crosses your path. holla@me Saturday, September 03, 2005
I think I've read damn near every fairytale and version out there. I still read children's books to recommend to my kids; I'm glad they're getting older so I can move up too but I've found plenty of " new classics" for all ages to be sure. Adult books, ha! Imagine being 13 going to a Christian Bible camp for the week, as a dishwasher because you've outgrown the camp age but still love it, with Stephen King's It in your backpack. I read and skim and peruse and re-read - to myself, out loud, give recommendations, discuss, etc. I just love it. Found a few recently that share my interests which of course I love! Uncanny! Free Will Astrology by Rob Brezsny (City Paper) Taurus: You have the potential to be a great wizard in the coming week. Here's how to fulfill that promise: 1) Renounce grandiose fantasies of transforming lead into gold or frogs into soul mates. 2) Think small, be specific, get extremely pragmatic, and don't make up stories based on inconclusive evidence. 3) Take everything that's dreamy and hazy and bring it down to earth. 4) Don't bitch about limitations; love them and use them to your advantage. 5) Treat idealism as a distraction unless it can be translated into concrete acts that do some good for actual human beings. Leo: Do you have total confidence in your ability to swing laun chairs around with your teeth? Can you safely eat broken glass, withstand people riding bicycles over your belly, and smash bricks with your head? If so, you don't need my advice this week. But if you're not sure you're capable of pulling off the kinds of feats I names, please resist the temptation to try them. For that matter, don't even think of submitting to other strenuous tests that are at the edge of your ability. This is a time for you to lay low and recharge, not throw yourself into trials by fire. Be modest and self-protective, not brazen and reckless. Libra: "If the Angel decides to come it will be because you have convinced her, not by tears buy by your humble resolve to be always beginning; to be a beginner". So said the poet Rainer Maria Rilke, as if speaking to your exact needs right now. Let me offer this addendum: The Angel wants to come very badly. She is passionate about offering you the novel assistance she has dreamed up just for you. Capricorn: There's a connection between al-Qaida and actor Kevin Bacon, according to Tatsuya Ishida at SinFest. Al-Aaida was trained by the CIA, he says, which was established by President Harry Truman, who dropped the atom bomb cooked up by the Manhattan Project, which was the name of a movie starring John Lithgow, who was in the film Footloose with Kevin Bacon. I invite you to make liberal use of this kind of logic in the coming days. The astrological omens say it will be healthy for you to let your imagination run away with you as long as you don't take as gospel truth all the conclusions it leads you to. So please feel free to ramble down the fine line between creative storytelling and total BS. Oh, and I've noticed how "hip" it's becoming to catch-up w/the rest of the world - everywhere, I've been seeing FILM in the place of movies. holla@me
What one says and how one acts... When the two are opposite, it is telling... How one broaches, if one should broach, is a quandry... Where the mind goes wandering... "I do not desire to make windows into men's souls". - QE Why ask, "Who"? It's just ... Oh A-, just let it flow... to the Otherside. Oh My! Yesterday was... funny! Dude invited Red to listen to newly mixed album. He was talking about the process of recording and mixing and such while we were listening and I made comment that it was a bit fucked-up that I wasn't allowed at the studio. Dude made comment that "No One" was allowed. I came right back with, G-, a male, cousin to JP - guitarist, was there; Dude nodded. Red said chuckling, "Oh, that's fucked up! She hangs out with the guys and she's one of the guys...". Dude said it would change things. I stated that I was not like the rest of the "girls" that the "guys" have settled with and I've been 'in' the band longer. Dude kinda smiled and said to be sure! The other SO's were NOT like me in anyway. So Red chimed in again that I'm one of the guys and hang with the guys. Dude paused and with that I threw in my 2 cents: Obviously not with THOSE guys am I one of the guys...It's all good, I got My Crew! and yes, I glowered a bit...Red laughed and so did we all. During the whole conversation, God bless Red, she was able to fit a few observations that I should be included. *grin That's what I needed. Insecure, petty or something? Nah, just tired of being that conveniently overlooked Classic Girl, is all... What is the equivalent? WTF?! OHHHH, you mean weight? Lemme get back to ya. Dude figured it out, not me. I'm terrible, I mismeasure often, number occasionally off...never with money, ha! I know I should be able to accurately on my own *tsk-tsking one-tenth of an Oz : 2.8 grams... holla@me Friday, September 02, 2005
I have so much to do, I have to carry on...I wonder if this grief will ever let me go...I want to cook me a soup that warms my soul... Love. When does one know it, feel it, taste it, touch it, smell it? How? Why? Is it necessary? It is a human trait to put a name/label on something, especially the intangible. What if 'they' got it wrong? What if it isn't what we've been told it is and all this time I've thought it was something it wasn't and never was in the first place? Is love really a rush of enorphins that makes a person feel good and want more? Is love a sense of closeness with another? Or forever wanting a person intertwined? Is love caring? More? Is love always a positive entity; enriching and fulfilling? Can love make one feel empty and cold? Can I get through Life without "love"? Questions, questions... Don't let the queries in my head, spilled onto this site fool you - meta- questions and analyzations energize me. Taurus Daily extended: Your ego gets a boost from some confidence-building celestial influences, and just in the nick of time, too -- you're able to tackle any delays or complications without getting your feathers ruffled. In fact, as you face these challenges without even a single hair out of place, some might ask, 'How do you do it?' Let them in on your secret: Deep breathing and the ability to take the long view are all it takes to address any bump in the road. holla@me Thursday, September 01, 2005
I've been wondering why I understand and sometimes write in a European fashion & spelling...I read. Anything and everything. But more-so is the fact that I was gifted 5 books as a child by my mother's friend gave for Christmas. These books, selected works by specific authors, were published in GB - 1978 and reprinted in Czechoslovakia - 1978. What is very interesting is that 2 of the books are Mark Twain and Louisa May Alcott; American writers and yet using Brit Spelling. I hadn't even realised this but once I had, it was a surprise. Heh! I would sometimes get Spelling incorrect because of how I wrote it. oh well... holla@me |
