Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Full-on Assertive Bitch Just for reference...I said that I felt boring... J~: Do you _feel_ boring, or do you reckon you actually _are_ particularly boring? A-: No, I'm feeling boring like right now. J~: oic A-: I know I'm fab. J~: lol A-: heehee J~: FAB... hmmm... "Full-on Assertive Bitch"? A-: That' is very cool! yeah, I'm THAT! A-: so, where'd you get that Full-on Assertive Bitch from? or is it an original?... J~: I made it up in the time you saw me typing. ...*grinning* Perfect! holla@me
It isn't true...I LOVE surprises!!! ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: The stars want to lend you a helping hand -- all you need to learn how to do is ask. Overview: There's an unexpected treat coming your way -- but you'll have to be assertive, aggressive, even downright pushy to get it. When the opportunity arises, don't be shy, and don't worry about what everyone else will think. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Surprises aren't on your list of very favorite things. Never have been, never will be. But when it comes to dealing with the unpredictable, you're better equipped than most of us to do just that. You're a rock, as stable and sturdy as anyone could possibly be. So when an unexpected event comes up now, you'll not only handle it, you'll end up being an example to the rest of the world. Accept our humble thanks in advance. holla@me Monday, May 30, 2005
Went and saw a couple of films today. Crash...http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/crash/ it was awesome! I really loved it. It was funny and ...I need to go into more detail I've seen the films...Gridlock'd, Juice, Boyz N the Hood, New Jack City, Menace II Society, 8 Mile, Do The Right Thing, Bamboozled... Movies that are about inner city or racial situations, whether inter-racial or same ethnic group...shit like that - there is humor in it that I think a lot of people are still a little worried to admit/acknowledge/etc. A lot of times, ignorance is funny. A lot of times "the truth" is or seems ignorant. I feel the mistake is made is when it is assumed that "everyone" in any situation will react and behave in the same manner. Individual snowflakes that we are... www.lewisblack.net/ LOL...why is Lewis Speaks! section about nipple clamps!? The next film we saw today was Unleashed...http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/unleashed/ Not the best but you know what it has Jet Li in it so I had to see it. I want to see KungFu Hustle...I heard it was pretty good. Taking the kids to see Madagascar tomorrow. Hopin' it's good. holla@me
It doesn't matter how beautiful it is... Gotta get information for eradicating bamboo. It is an invasive plant and is actually terrible for Maryland ecosystem. Our next door neighbor, before we moved in, received bamboo in a pot which she put outside. "Something" happened and it got out of the pot. Now we've inherited the problem; it's spread, is spreading and will continue to spread. Several thickets and most of the culms are over 15' as it is! BAMBOOS - many species and genera. What is growing and RUNNING is either genus Phyllostachys or Bambusa; the more "destructive" types. Many bamboos send runners great distances, under pavement and edging. Once established, they form impenetrable thickets that are almost impossible to eradicate. PLANT BAMBOOS ONLY IN CONTAINERS, NEVER IN OPEN SOIL. PREVENT FROM SPREADING OUT DRAINAGE HOLES. ~PULL seedlings and small or shallow-rooted plants when soil is moist. DIG out larger plants, including the root systems. Use a spading fork or weed wrench for trees or shrubs. ~CUT DOWN, and PAINT THE CUT STEM OR STUMP WITH GLYPHOSATE (or triclopyr if specified above). Follow label directions for Cut Stump Application. Clip off re-growth or paint with glyphosate. See Note on Herbicides. ~PAINT foliage with GLYPHOSATE herbicide (see Note on Herbicides). Use an envelope dauber (small sponge-topped bottle), following label directions for "wiper" method. Add a drop of food color for visibility. Or use a foam spray. Avoid dripping on non-target plants, because glyphosate kills most plants except moss. If it rolls off waxy or grass-like foliage, use additional sticker-spreader. Deciduous trees, shrubs, and perennials move nutrients down to the roots in late summer. Glyphosate is particularly effective at this time and when flowering plants are in bloom. Several invasive exotics retain their foliage after native plants have lost theirs, and resume growth earlier in spring than most natives. This allows you to treat them without harming the natives. However, the plant must be growing for the herbicide to work, and more may be needed in cold weather because growth is slower. holla@me Sunday, May 29, 2005
OOOh! I almost forgot! For the past 3 years, there has been this vine growing and it looked like mini-rose leaves. So I let it stay amongst the trumpet vine fence...want to see which one will win or if they will find harmony. So 3 years and no blossoms, but I said let's wait and see. I was pretty sure... Mom comes over and I show her the trumpet vine and the other vine. She asks if I am sure if that is rose because it looks like a weed. I was like look, it has thorns and the larger wood of the vine has _big_ thorns like a full size rose stem. And the mini-leaves of course. She said she didn't know... Well, a few weeks later there are blossoms on it that smell just like roses. But, even more cool, is that just before they fully blossom, they look like the tiniest roses you've ever seen! A light fragrance of rose, not cloying and over powering. They are the whitest roses I've ever seen...I mean no trace of green on any of the 5 petals. So first year mini white roses...so cute and very beautiful. holla@me
That being touched would make me feel so sad. That hearing loving words would have me despair. I didn't ever think...who would want to sensate and equate these 2 very different emotions? Disconnect...they aren't the same they are only conjoined by the circumstances in which you presently abide. Of your joint making...never forget that! Thinking thinking... As odd as it seems, once I have my house in order - meaning I must finsh cleaning and organizing and sorting and storing and moving and dusting and laundering and folding and selling and donating and other numerous necessities; I find the time to muse on getting "my house in order" (for all you old schoolers). Wish You Were Here Lyrics - Incubus I dig my toes into the sand. The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless and in this moment I am happy. [Chorus:] I wish you were here I wish you were here I wish you were here I wish you were here. I lay my head onto the sand. The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it. I'm counting ufo's. I signal them with my lighter and in this moment I am happy, happy. [Chorus] The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in. Maybe I should hold with care, but my hands are busy in the air. [Chorus] High and Dry - Radiohead Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy. Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop. You'd kill yourself for recognition; kill yourself to never ever stop. You broke another mirror; you're turning into something you are not. Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry Drying up in conversation, you will be the one WHO cannot talk. All your insides fall to pieces; you just sit there wishing you could still make love They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out They're the ones who'll spit at you. You will be the one screaming out. Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever had. It's the best thing that you've ever, the best thing you have ever had has gone away. Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry holla@me Saturday, May 28, 2005
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: You're feeling pin-striped and buttoned up, but someone wants you to go wild. What do you do? Overview: Gadgets, toys and unusual items -- that's what you're after. If you know for a fact that no one you know has one, you'll want it more and you'll want it now (even if it's going on sale tomorrow). The Girl Scout Tea was so much fun. We made new friends and are setting up playdates. *chuckling* Cleaning Cleaning Cleaning... holla@me
Been tired lately...restless at times. I feel like I'm stagnating...in what, I am not sure. There have been many times that I just didn't want to get online. Not in the mood; don't want to sit in front of the `puter; nothing to say; tired; having fun in real time. I'm gonna take some time off. I need some time off. My house is a wreck (to me) although my friends and family tell me it looks "lived in" and I'm just being compulsive. HA! There are dust dragons roaring around my hardwood floors and cut stone tiles. The animals are frightened! The kids think there are monsters under the bed...HUGE dust bunnies that want more than a nice cozy place to reside. I myself worry about being choked in my sleep! And will the laundry EVER stop!!! I may get 2 days of not having to wash clothes before it is 2 to 3 loads...and of course I separate, so have to wait for a full cycle of whites, mediums, darks and jeans/towels. I have a week left and then I will be able to lift more than 10lbs. Like I haven't "accidentally" picked up more than that over the past eleven weeks. I don't have a choice all time! I forget too and it's hard for me to gauge how *heavy* 10lbs is.Really, that is nothing to lift especially with having children and pets to care for. I absolutely HATE to have to say, "Sorry, I can't," to the little old ladies that need _someone_ to help them get something into their cart or car; but I do. Anyway...one more week and then I can start organizing and hauling stuff into the storage and calling Bulk Trash and all that stuff...Spring cleaning. *SIGH* Then the pool...it never seems to end. Walking around our property, I love this one particular area that is best described as a forest floor: ferns, moss, hostas and a few other things that I forgot what they're called...my sad-ass. The ferns are growing wonderfully and I have noticed that they are reproducing! Ferns repoduce differently than most other plants. They have a more complicated method that depends on there being liquid water for the process to complete. It’s spores and fertile fronds. Ferns reproduce from spores and an intermediate plant stage called a gametophyte. The reproduction process itself requires moisture, fertilization takes place, and it is transformed into a complete adult plant. Well, that is a basic description of the process...but who the fuck really cares besides people that like that sort of shit. *points to self-->nerd* Spent day before yesterday with my friend Red. She recently had back surgery and will take a few weeks to recover. She and I are going to start walking. I will have to slow way way down for her. A lesson in patience for sure! PT is starting to kick my ass, but I'm doing it anyway. There were 3 exercises I was doing incorrectly that is currently rectified. I've noticed that a lot of my balance (umm, the ability to not fall when I trip ALL THE TIME!) is returning. I still get a little dizziness, but I'm careful. Hahaha, I've asked my mother before, "what if you have a child that is _never_ ready to go out into The World and have a responsible Life? "I mean, it's not her/his fault that their parents brought them into the world." I found this and it still fits...I can be an asshole! lol The Characteristics of TYPE AB People (November 20, 1997)Rational thinking Good critic and analyst To participate and contribute to the society -- by obtaining a role Good at adjusting human relations Hope to be in harmony with the society and the people Ask other people's opinions to decide important questions Control one's feeling socially Inwardly emotional Feels distant from the society Dislike hypocrites Intensive but not continuous interest Consider problems from many other angles Fairy-tale and fanciful traits Not absorbed to anything Rational economic life Steady life Avoid power struggle Tries to treat people fairly Least expressive of all Have less attachment to one's life My summary from Mr. Masahiko NOMI's book "Ketsueki-gata Josei Hakusho" (Blood Type Woman White Paper). There is a superstition that "Type AB is genius or fool". This is an expression that Type AB is completely unknown. Needless to say, this is not true. Type AB is a person of common sense more than the other types. The No.1 personality of Type AB is the two-facedness. One is to have competence and strength, and to participate in the society faithfully. The other is phases of sudden feelings, unrealistic actions of capricious willfulness. I want to raise the rational thinking for Type AB's basic parts, too. This is seen coldhearted, when too much appears in attitudes. This cooperates with Type AB's trend to be less absorbed to anything. As for Type AB, there are not a sense of togetherness with the society and group, even if participation desire to the society is enthusiastic. That is the place where a clear line is drawn from Type O and Type A. It seems that Type AB wants to participate in the society to secure its stable life. Type AB most requires mental and economic stability. And there are many cases it makes its regular image (or mask) to join to the society. It resembles that many students or employees usually wear their uniforms. It is able to choose any image but it usually chooses soft and sociable one for smooth society participation. Many Type ABs make smiling and soft images. As a result, men seem gentle although less manly, women seem famine in addition to gentle, which seems women got a little profits. But both are only superficial. Although someone sees images as the double personality of Type AB, it is not right. The proof: Type AB takes off its image easily, to the people who became a little bit familiar to. I forgot to mention that at the HFStival, there was a male that had a tatoo of the Thunder Cats insignia!!! We started jumping around, saying Lion-O's part when he called his buddies into a fray. heehee...I used to love that show! holla@me Thursday, May 26, 2005
Song Lyrics To Find!!! Love and Hope – Ozomatli; Street Signs Chorus "Just raise your head up And stand up No fear in your eyes Tell me love and hope never die So raise your head up And stand up No reason to cry 'Cuz your heart and soul will survive" The Redwalls – Thank You Rape Me – Nirvana Rape me Rape me my friend Rape me Rape me again I’m not the only one (x4) Hate me Do it and do it again Waste me Rape me my friend I’m not the only one (x4) My favorite inside source I’ll kiss your open sores Appreciate your concern You’ll always stink and burn Rape me Rape me my friend Rape me Rape me again I’m not the only one (x4) Rape me! (x9) Torn – Natalie Imbruglia I thought I saw a man brought to life He was warm, he came around like he was dignified He showed me what it was to cry Well you couldn’t be that man I adored You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for But I don’t know him anymore There’s nothing where he used to lie My conversation has run dry That’s what’s going on, nothing’s fine I’m torn I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed into something real I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn You’re a little late, I’m already torn So I guess the fortune teller’s right Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light To crawl beneath my veins and now I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much There’s just so many things that I can’t touch, I’m torn I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed into something real I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn You’re a little late, I’m already torn. torn. There’s nothing where he used to lie My inspiration has run dry That’s what’s going on, nothings right, I’m torn I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed into something real I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel I’m cold and I’m ashamed bound and broken on the floor You’re a little late, I’m already torn holla@me
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: You've got your head placed firmly on your shoulders, and that comes in handy today. Overview: Expect an instant replay of yesterday, right down to the rare and unusual treat of being able to relax and not feel completely responsible for everything that happens in your immediate vicinity. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Here's another blessed day off from feeling as if you and you alone are responsible for everything that happens in and around your world. This makes two in a row, so you may begin to feel a bit spoiled, but that doesn't mean that you should let guilt creep into the equation. You've earned this, so enjoy it with the companion(s) you've chosen to share in the good feelings. holla@me Monday, May 23, 2005
Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Willpower is right at the very top of the list of your sign's most famous qualities -- and it's a good thing too. Right about now, it will take everything you've got to stay on track, even if you know there's nothing you'd rather do. That means that temptation will be around each and every corner. Expect it, and not only will you not be surprised to see it coming, you'll be prepared to turn it down with confidence. holla@me Saturday, May 21, 2005
Name – Goo Goo Dolls; A Boy Named Goo And even though the moment passed me by I still can't turn away 'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose Got tossed along the way And letters that you never meant to send Get lost and thrown away And now we're grown up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one That's a shame But you can hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell em' your name And scars are souvenirs you never lose The past is never far Did you lose yourself somewhere out there Did you get to be a star And don't it make you sad to know that life Is more than who we are We grew up way too fast And now there's nothing to believe And reruns all become our history A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell em' your name I won't tell em' your name Mmm, mmm, mmm, I won't tell em' your name I think about you all the time But I don't need the same It's lonely where you are come back down, And I won't tell em your name holla@me
Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)There's something about people who are just a tad too intense that you've always found extremely interesting -- not to mention exciting. Someone who answers that description will be along shortly. Your job is to take your time getting to know them so that you'll know if they're just dangerous in the exciting way, or dangerous in a truly dangerous way. The good news is that rushing you isn't an easy task, so you won't be pushed into anything you're not comfortable with. holla@me Thursday, May 19, 2005
Unwise - I got upset over something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It was justified irritation, but what point did it prove? You get more using sugar than you do with salt. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You've been dealing with an awful lot lately, especially when it comes to secrets. And you're all done with trying to keep anything under wraps at this point. You're quite ready to blow the lid off of anything that's asked of you. Before you do, though, be sure you're not going to injure yourself or anyone close to you by spouting off. Otherwise, have at it. It's time to clear the air. U2 - Where The Streets Have No Name Lyrics – U2; The Joshua Tree I want to run I want to hide I want to tear down the walls That hold me inside I want to reach out And touch the flame Where the streets have no name I want to feel sunlight on my face I see the dust cloud disappear Without a trace I want to take shelter from the poison rain Where the streets have no name Where the streets have no name Where the streets have no name We're still building Then burning down love Burning down love And when I go there I go there with you It's all I can do The city's aflood And our love turns to rust We're beaten and blown by the wind Trampled in dust I'll show you a place High on a desert plain Where the streets have no name Where the streets have no name Where the streets have no name We're still building Then burning down love Burning down love And when I go there I go there with you It's all I can do Our love turns to rust We're beaten and blown by the wind Blown by the wind Oh, and I see love See our love turn to rust We're beaten and blown by the wind Blown by the wind Oh, when I go there I go there with you It's all I can do You Gotta Be -Des'ree; I Ain’t Movin’ 2-Listen as your day unfolds Challenge what the future holds Try and keep your head up to the sky Lovers, they may cause you tears Go ahead release your fears Stand up and be counted Don't be ashamed to cry You gotta be 1-You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm You gotta stay together All I know, all I know, love will save the day Herald what your mother said Readin' the books your father read Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time Some may have more cash than you Others take a different view my oh my heh, hey..(repeat l) Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace The world keeps on spinning You can't stop it, if you try to This time it's danger staring you in the face oh oh oh Remember Listen as your day unfolds Challenge what the future holds Try and keep your head up to the sky Lovers, they may cause you tears Go ahead release your fears My oh my heh, hey, hey You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm You gotta stay together All I know, all I know, love will save the day holla@me Wednesday, May 18, 2005
My Favorite Mistake – Sheryl Crow I woke up and called this morning The tone of your voice was a warning That you don’t care for me anymore I made up the bed we sleep in I looked at the clock when you creep in It’s 6 a.m. and I’m alone [chorus] Did you know when you go It’s the perfect ending To the bad day I was just beginning When you go all I know is You’re my favorite mistake Your friends are sorry for me They watch you pretend to adore me But I’m no fool to this game Now here comes your secret lover She’d be unlike any other Until your guilt goes up in flames Chorus You’re my favorite mistake Well maybe nothin’ lasts forever Even when you stay together I don’t need forever after It’s your laughter won’t let me go So I’m holding on this way Did you know, could you tell You were the only one That I ever loved Now everything’s so wrong Did you see me walking by? Did it ever make you cry? You’re my favorite mistake You’re my favorite mistake You’re my favorite mistake Don't Wait Too Long - MADELEINE PEYROUX You can cry a million tears You can wait a million years If you think that time will change your ways Don't wait too long When your morning turns to night Who'll be loving you by candlelight If you think that time will change your ways Don't wait too long Maybe I got a lot to learn Time can slip away Sometimes you got to lose it all Before you find your way Take a chance, play your part Make romance, it might break your heart But if you think that time will change your ways Don't wait too long It may rain, it may shine Love will age like fine red wine But if you think that time will change your ways Don't wait too long Maybe you and I got a lot to learn Don't waste another day Maybe you got to lose it all Before you find your way Take a chance, play your part Make romance, it might break your heart But if you think that time will change your ways Don't wait too long Don't wait Hmm... Don't wait Right Here – Staind; Chapter V I know I've been mistaken But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made I've got some imperfections But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting I hope you're not intending To be so condescending it's as much as I can take and you're so 'independent' you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting I've made a commitment I'm willing to bleed for you I needed fulfillment I found what I need in you Why can't you just forgive me I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting But you always find a way To keep me right here waiting You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting Good session today. Set boundaries and be prepared to defend...have a plan of action. Being assertive, not aggressive. Hostility is unnecessary. A good analytical mind/thought process. Several individual sessions and work some of my shit out. Eat your heart out, yo! blahblahyaddayadda We're all going to see Star Wars Episode III tonight. Invited a friend too. *fingers crossed it's fun* holla@me Tuesday, May 17, 2005
In Too Deep - Genesis; Invisible Touch All that time I was searching, nowhere to run to, it started me thinking, Wondering what I could make of my life, and who’d be waiting, Asking all kinds of questions, to myself, but never finding the answers, Crying at the top of my voice, and no one listening, All this time, I still remember everything you said There’s so much you promised, how could I ever forget. Listen, you know I love you, but I just can’t take this, You know I love you, but I’m playing for keeps, Although I need you, I’m not gonna make this, You know I want to, but I’m in too deep. So listen, listen to me, Ooh you must believe me, I can feel your eyes go thru me, But I don’t know why. Ooh I know you’re going, but I can’t believe it’s the way that you’re leaving, It’s like we never knew each other at all, it may be my fault, I gave you too many reasons, being alone, when I didn’t want to I thought you’d always be there, I almost believed you, All this time, I still remember everything you said, oh There’s so much you promised, how could I ever forget. Listen, you know I love you, but I just can’t take this, You know I love you, but I’m playing for keeps, Although I need you, I’m not gonna make this, You know I want to, but I’m in too deep. So listen, listen to me, I can feel your eyes go thru me It seems I’ve spent too long Only thinking about myself - oh Now I want to spend my life Just caring bout somebody else. Listen, you know I love you, but I just can’t take this, You know I love you, but I’m playing for keeps, Although I need you, I’m not gonna make this, You know I want to, but I’m in too deep. You know I love you, but I just can’t take this, You know I love you, but I’m playing for keeps, Although I need you, I’m not gonna make this, You know I want to, but I’m in too deep... That's All Lyrics – Genesis; Genesis Just as I thought it was going alright I find out I'm wrong, when I thought I was right It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all I could say day and you'd say night Tell me it's black when I know that it's white It's always the same, it's just a shame and that's all I could leave but I won't go Though my heart might tell me so I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes But why does it always seem to be Me looking at you, you looking at me It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all Turning me on, turning me off Making me feel like I want too much Living with you's just putting me through it all of the time Running around, staying out all night Taking it all instead of taking one bite Living with you's just putting me through it all of the time I could leave but I won't go It'd be easier I know I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes But why does it always seem to be Me looking at you, you looking at me It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all Truth is I love you More than I wanted to There's no point in trying to pretend There's been no-one who Makes me feel like you do Say we'll be together till the end I could leave but I won't go It'd be easier I know I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes But why does it always seem to be Me looking at you, you looking at me It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all But I love you More than I wanted to There’s no point in trying to pretend There’s been no-on who Makes me feel like you do Say we’ll together till the end Just as I thought it was going alright I find out I'm wrong, when I thought I was right It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all I could say day, you'd say night Tell me it's black when I know that it's white It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all that's all Throwing It All Away – Genesis; Invisible Touch Need I say I love you Need I say I care Need I say that emotion’s Something we don’t share I don’t want to be sitting here Trying to deceive you Cos you know I know baby That I don’t wanna go. We cannot live together We cannot live apart That’s the situation I’ve known it from the start Every time that I look at you I can’t see the future Cos you know I know babe That I don’t wanna go. Just throwing it all away Throwing it all away Is there nothing that I can say To make you change your mind I watch the world go round and round And see mine turning upside down Throwing it all away. Now who will light up the darkness Who will hold your hand Who will find you the answers When you don’t understand Why should I have to be the one Who has to convince you Cos you know I know baby That I don’t wanna go. Someday you’ll be sorry Someday when you’re free Memories will remind you That our love was meant to be But late at night when you call my name The only sound you’ll hear Is the sound of your voice calling Calling after me. Just throwing it all away Throwing it all away And there’s nothing I can say We’re throwing it all away Yes we're throwing it all away Yes we’re throwing it all away... holla@me
Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Telling you not to worry is advice that won't last for long right now. Even if you temporarily believe it, it will still be only too easy for you to talk yourself into worrying about what's going on and forgetting about your original objective. So, in the meantime, try to ignore what's happening and think, instead, about what you're after. Luck is definitely on your side, in a very big way. Taurus Passions are rising from the deepest recesses of your own subconscious. Memories that you thought were long gone may now resurface with a sense of immediacy that shocks you into momentary awakening. Don't try to keep this stuff down. Learn from what you are feeling in order to make the most positive impact. holla@me Monday, May 16, 2005
Scars – Papa Roach; Getting Away With Murder I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And my scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel Drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone I'm pissed `cause you came around Why don't you just go home `Cause you channelled all your pain And I can't help you fix yourself You're making me insane All I can say is [Chorus:] I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut And my weakness is that I care too much And our scars remind us that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel I tried to help you once Against my own advice I saw you going down But you never realized That you're drowning in the water So I offered you my hand Compassion's in my nature Tonight is our last stand [Chorus] I'm drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone You shoulda never came around Why don't you just go home? `Cause you're drowning in the water And I tried to grab your hand I left my heart open But you didn't understand But you didn't understand Go fix yourself I can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life I can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life [Chorus x2] It can't be! This can't be happening! I'm in a nightmare. Every where I look, I find more and more and more and more to feel unsettled, unsafe, disturbed, alone, used, betrayed... There is no waking up. It is a downward spiral that was slow for years and now picking up speed; now almost out of control. Faster faster faster... to what end? Why isn't it realized that this isn't about me. I've been told that I am incapable of loving and will not allow others to love me. My BULLSHIT-O-METER is wildly off the scale. I didn't know how little his "just enough" was until my accident and he couldn't "stay true" for me even though I kept it together with his distance, depression, lashing out and passive-aggressive behavior for years. Now, I can't think of anything that is pushing him away from me that is because of me...yet he is going. And I'm spent. holla@me
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: The stars might put your patience to the test. It's up to you to pass it. Overview: Still reeling from yesterday's events? Still wondering what to do about the situation? Well, wonder no longer. A loved one will be along shortly to advise you -- from the benefit of their own experience. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're as self-sufficient as a sign can possibly be, so when someone you respect approaches you with guidance, you're torn between listening to them and listening to yourself. In most situations, a little of both is best, especially if you're being polite. In this particular case, your antennae aren't wrong. Pay attention to the common denominators in their advice and your own instincts. It's the one and only path to follow. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're proud of everything you love and everything you own, and that goes double for the objects you've worked hard to keep close to you. Whether they're part of a collection or just things you've kept forever because a loved one passed them on, you've worked equally hard to keep them intact. Spend some time on your prized possessions now. Polish them up, mend what's broken and let everyone around you know how dear these things are to you. It's not materialistic, it's sentimental -- and that's perfectly all right. holla@me
I'm so sad. I've been trying to find a balance. I've been trying to find something to hold on to and believe in. I was just thinking how people get into appearances so easily. If it looks good that means it is good. I've never been one to "get with the program" so it makes sense to them that they must tell me what the program is. If I don't get with the program...it must be because I'm flawed. Right? Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)A family situation that's been simmering for a while now stands every chance of boiling over. Your job is to use every little bit of your famous patience and reserve to keep that from happening. It may not be easy, especially if you're emotionally attached to one or both parties involved, and even more so if you can see both sides of the issue. Still, someone has to be the grown-up here, and, as usual, that job will fall to you. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) Confront an emotional situation today, but be ready to tone down your volume as you might come on too strong. But don't use this as an excuse to just let the issue slide. Try being gentle but firm; if you are overbearing you'll just make things more complicated by projecting your anger onto the current situation. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Your deepest feelings -- including and especially anger -- will be easy for others to see at the moment. So if you want to keep them under wraps, you have only one option: Make yourself scarce. If you can't, at least warn anyone you'll be spending time with that you won't be willing to take no for an answer, regardless of the subject. Trying to push you in any direction you don't want to go will be an exercise in futility. holla@me Sunday, May 15, 2005
The festival was great. OMG...Echo and The Bunnymen got on stage and the lead singer messed up his cue...couldn't hit the notes, I mean his voice would crack and sputter out!, tried to sing the same song again, left the stage...the rest of the band followed, came back, tried to sing another song, couldn't do it...threw down his mic, left the stage, the band followed never to return!!! Yes, crazy and erratically typed, just as the whole situation was! I could go on and will if you want to know, but, throughout the day, Citizen Cope, They Might Be Giants, Garbage, Sum 41, Social Distortion, BILLY IDOL, Coldplay and FOO FIGHTERS, ROCKED!!! Of course we were in the PIT on the field, but not all the way up front. It was so much fun. Got a little burned but I did use 30spf more than once & a hat, so I know it would have been worse otherwise. Absolutely no drinking alcohol! People still think that is the concert experience...not for an all day event. I drank about 8 - 10 20oz. bottles of electrolyte enhanced water and only went to the toilet 3 times all day! Dancing, go-going, making sure I didn't get crushed or squished, preventing the crowd surfers from crashing down and breaking their necks and walking all day - it was so much fun!!! Several males with pierced nipples and very interesting hardware...so sexy. *thoughtful smile* Guy noticing my Spider-Man shirt told me I was wearing the coolest shirt ever and that he loved when he saw people in his merchandise. I said, "Hi Parker!" He said he had to change his name because everyone knew that one and he hasn't told anyone. I said, "Your secret is safe with me," putting a finger to my lips. Oh if I were single... heehee The two 17yr olds that we were "chaperoning" were tuckered out by about 16:30 and we laughed at them...kids these days. Billy Idol was ripped...smart man. Obvious he understands that muscle atrophy is in his near future and keeping on top of that with weight lifting. He was full of energy and fun and considerate (gave his water to some of the people upfront and complained that people in the back needed to stop pushing because stage front folks were getting a little crushed). He was great! Rain while Billy was on stage turning into a thunderstorm. Got soaked from shoulders to waist...bodies too packed together for the rain to get to jeans. Everyone was told to clear the pit/field after Idol and we didn't, then we did after about 25min. So inevitable that the rain stopped 5min after we left so we lost our prime spot! Prime because Chris Martin of Coldplay and David Grohl of Foo Fighters jumped into the EMS/Security area in the center of the pit - WHERE WE HAD BEEN BEFORE WE FINALLY DECIDED SAYING "FUCK YOU" TO THE LIGHTNING AND CONCERT STAFF WASN'T GOING TO WORK!!!!! - shaking hands with the people that were there. It would have/should have been us! The concert promptly ended at 23:30 City noise ordinance. Had to run to catch the Metro with blistered feet and aching low backs...including the 17yr olds! HA! We got everyone home and arrived at our house close to 2:00. Bed about 3:00 and I got up at...what 9:00!?! little late on my schedule :-P http://www.hfstival.com/lineup/ - Line up link. http://www.hfstival.com/yabbse/index.php?topic=24672.0 - Funny forum holla@me Saturday, May 14, 2005
Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)This dutiful, responsible mood you've been in -- even more than usual, that is -- has gone on for far too long, and you've decided that enough is enough. You're going to have some fun, you're going to have it now and you've made some seriously lavish arrangements too. Needless to say, whatever companion you invite along for the ride will be beyond delighted. While you have them in this position, feel free to say anything you might otherwise be hesitant about. We had a talk. It was very productive. I am still processing. I don't think it makes sense to rush. My birthday was nice. I love my kids. I love that B- made a lovely dinner and had a pie. He got me these piercings that I have in nostril and tragii 2 months ago and I still am happy with them and love them! We're going to the HFeStival today...good time I am sure...looking forward. holla@me Wednesday, May 11, 2005
"One" - Us; Achtung Baby Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same? Will it make it easier on you now You got someone to blame? You say... One love One life When it's one need In the night One love We get to share it Leaves you baby if you Don't care for it Did I disappoint you? Or leave a bad taste in your mouth? You act like you never had love And you want me to go without Well it's... Too late Tonight To drag the past out into the light We're one, but we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other One... Have you come here for forgiveness? Have you come to raise the dead? Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head? Did I ask too much? More than a lot? You gave me nothing Now it's all I got We're one But we're not the same Well we Hurt each other Then we do it again You say "Love is a temple Love a higher law Love is a temple Love the higher law." You ask me to enter But then you make me crawl And I can't be holding on To what you got When all you got is hurt One love One blood One life You got to do what you should One life With each other Sisters Brothers One life But we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other One...life One "Going Under" - Evanescence Now I will tell you what I've done for you 50 thousand tears I've cried Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you And you still won't hear me (I’m going under) Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once Not tormented daily defeated by you Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom I'm dying again I'm going under Drowning in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through I'm going under Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies So I don't know what's real and what's not Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore I'm dying again I'm going under Drowing in you I'm falling forever I've got to break through So go on and scream Scream at me I'm so far away I won't be broken again I've got to breathe I can't keep going under holla@me Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Sometimes I get so frustrated... B- made mention to me today that the joke I made on Mother's Day was funny and that he is full of shocks and surprises. I told him that I hope he knew it was a joke. He said yes, but it hurt for a sec. It made me feel a little guilty. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Then I thought about it and honestly...I don't feel bad about it. I know that there are things that he's written about me out there somewhere that are jokes and that aren't jokes. Yeah, it does hurt a little but what can be done? And any truth there is in them, I want to know, assess and change if necessary. Then I think about the lyrics and songs that he's written about other women he's lusted after in our recent past...Million Dollar Songs he calls them. That hurts deeply, but it's how he feels and what he thinks and what he wishes...I can't resent him for it. I just want to stop feeling so empty and disconnected. holla@me Sunday, May 08, 2005
Ahhh Mother's Day...That blessedly guilty holiday: One obligatory day of "respect" that makes it OK to treat mothers like shit the rest of the year. heh-heh...I'm not usually that cynical :-P B- and the kids really did make it a nice morning. And they listened this year: No breakfast in bed please. And they all actually took the time to find something that I'd like. The kids it is to be expected as their development progresses. B- it was a shock! LOL oh lemme stop... joke! joke! Oh, I may burn in Hell for that one! hahahaha I'll have to see how my day pans out. But for now, going to some part of the Gunpowder Falls State Park w/kids and dude. http://www.dnr.state.md.us/publiclands/central/gunpowder.html holla@me "Extraordinary Girl" - Green Day; American Idiot She's an Extraordinary girl In an ordinary world And she can't seem to get away He lacks the courage in his mind Like a child left behind Like a pet left in the rain She's all alone again Wiping the tears from her eyes Some days he feels like dying She gets so sick of crying She sees the mirror of herself An image she wants to sell To anyone willing to buy He steals the image in her kiss From her hearts apocalypse From the one called whatsername She's all alone again Wiping the tears from her eyes Some days he feels like dying She gets so sick of crying She's all alone again Wiping the tears from her eyes Some days he feels like dying Some days it's not worth trying Now that they both are finding She gets so sick of crying She's an Extraordinary girl an Extraordinary girl an Extraordinary girl an Extraordinary girl "She's A Rebel" - Green Day; American Idiot She's a rebel She's a saint She's salt of the earth And she's dangerous She's a rebel Vigilante Missing link on the brink Of destruction From Chicago to Toronto She's the one that they Call old whatsername She's the symbol of resistance and she's holding on my heart like a hand grenade Is she dreaming what I'm thinking Is she the mother of all bombs gonna detonate Is she trouble like I'm trouble make it a double twist of fate or a melody that She sings the revolution the dawning of our lives she brings this liberation that I just can't define nothing comes to mind [x2] She's a rebel She's a saint She's salt of the earth And she's dangerous She's a rebel Vigilante Missing link on the brink Of destruction She's a rebel She's a saint She's salt of the earth And she's dangerous She's a rebel Vigilante Missing link on the brink Of destruction She's a rebel, She's a rebel, She's a rebel, And she's dangerous [x2] hmmm...both are remind me of someone...*wink* holla@me
Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're happy with yourself. You always have been, and there's no reason to think you won't continue to be. You have, however, been thinking about introducing a new and improved version of yourself to the world. The thing is, you'll have to create this person before you throw their coming-out bash. Believe it or not, that's the easy part. It's deciding to do it that takes the real work. Now all you need is a legal pad and a bit of that famous perseverance. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Nothing short of intense, meaningful conversation will do at the moment, and anyone who deliberately tries to avoid the issue via pointless, trivial chitchat will receive their due: a chilly stare and a fleeting glimpse of the back of your head. By the same token, if you've been deliberately avoiding a topic that someone has tried to bring up for weeks, you'll change your tune in a hurry. You may even be so enthusiastic that they'll wish they'd let it ride just a little bit longer. Libra Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Your sign's skills as negotiator, mediator and go-between have been famous for what seems like forever, and with good reason. You can talk anyone into anything, as long as you believe in your heart that it's the right thing to do. So when you're approached by someone who needs you to help them deliver the unvarnished truth, you won't just accept the job -- you'll volunteer for it. And well you should. Capricorn Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Fasten your seatbelt and put your tray-table in its upright position. You're about to take flight -- and that applies to every possible corner of your life, but especially to affairs of the heart. So if you've been seeing someone casually, that won't be the case any longer. One or both of you will want to either make a commitment or say your goodbyes -- but don't worry. The heavens are chock-full of romance, and betting on anything other than commitment just wouldn't be prudent. holla@me Friday, May 06, 2005
Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're not ordinarily known for having a temper. It takes a lot to rile you, for starters, and by the time you actually get around to being mad, you've usually realized that whoever inspired it isn't worth the energy. Basically, you've trained yourself to have enormous self-control -- usually. Every now and then, though, the dam breaks, and some fool ends up dealing with an angry Bull. That just might happen today. Better hire a bodyguard -- for your opponent. holla@me Thursday, May 05, 2005
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Shop around to get the best deal -- the time you'll spend is worth it. Overview: Today's astrological menu features a couple of specials that sensuous little you will just adore. It's prime time for love at first sight and all things pertaining to impetuous decisions. Make one. It's time. Daily extended - If anyone loves the best things in life, it's you, so much so that you just won't settle for less. You were born with a knack for finding the best, too -- in all departments. At the moment, however, you may need to muster up some of that world famous patience and persistence to actually get what you want. Fortunately, you don't mind waiting when you know it's going to be worth it. My sensitive side - You're tending your little love garden with the greatest of care, but at the beginning of the week you sense an emerging issue (bugs in your plants? too much fertilizer?). Consult some friends with plots abounding, and borrow their methods. Thursday and Friday are a bit of a fallow period; remember that growing is a process, and you can't expect to see immediate results. (Digging things up to check on their progress doesn't help!) This weekend, all your preparation and hard work yield what looks like the beginning of a bumper crop of love, sweet love. holla@me |
