Girl With The Curls |
|
|
Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
ARCHIVES 04.2001 05.2001 06.2001 07.2001 08.2001 09.2001 10.2001 11.2001 12.2001 01.2002 03.2002 04.2002 05.2002 06.2002 07.2002 08.2002 09.2002 11.2002 01.2003 03.2003 04.2003 05.2003 08.2003 03.2004 04.2004 05.2004 07.2004 11.2004 12.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 04.2006 05.2006 10.2006 11.2006 01.2007 02.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 11.2007 12.2007 05.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 |
Saturday, April 30, 2005
King of Sorrow – Sade; Lovers Rock I’m crying everyone’s tears And there inside our private war I died the night before And all of these remnants of joy and disaster What am I suppose to do I want to cook you a soup that warms your soul But nothing would change Nothing would change at all It’s just a day that brings it all about Just another day and nothing’s any good The DJ’s playing the same song I have so much to do I have to carry on I wonder if this grief will ever let me go I feel like I am the king Of sorrow, yeah The king of sorrow I suppose I could just walk away Will I disappoint my future if I stay It’s just a day that brings it all about Just another day and nothing’s any good The DJ’s playing the same song I have so much to do I have to carry on I wonder will this grief ever be gone Will it ever go I’m the king Of sorrow, yeah The king of sorrow I’m crying everyone’s tears I have already paid for all my future sins There’s nothing anyone Can say to take this away It’s just another day and nothing’s any good I’m the king of sorrow, yeah King of sorrow I’m the king of sorrow, yeah King of sorrow Repeat above until fade The private war... I don’t know why it’s a war. I started it last night perhaps. I slept downstairs in the lower level. I just didn’t want to sleep in bed. I don’t know what set me off. Part was when he came home from pickin’ up some cheesesteak subs, our friend was over and he walked by me, to give her a hug. After, he walked up to me and rubbed my forearm. Another part has been these looks he gives where he smiles and I’m EXPECTED to smile too. It’s like it’s the whole “you grin you in” scenario. If I don’t, I’m not with the program and then it’s what’s wrong? What the fuck do you think is wrong? I told him I don’t trust him. I have good reason not too! I feel like he expects me to be the one to bring it all together. I’ve done that over and over and over. I need to know he wants this...US. I explained where I was coming from one month before that fateful trip and he did NOTHING. It wasn’t important TO HIM until he came back. Now he’s up in arms and turning resentful…AGAIN. It’s almost been a month since he’s been back and “we” don’t talk about how to get us back on track. It is him wishing we were close again. Behold, you shall stand at the door (of my heart) and knock. Unfair to have an expectation that I’ll just let a person back in over and over and over. I don’t trust him. I told him he had to win my heart back…if he wanted it. I’ve already said it. Now he’s mad `cause he isn’t doing anything to and OF COURSE it’s my job and I'm not doing anything so, it's my fault. Fuck that! And my question is, How does it feel to have a person only putting as much into the relationship as you do? He’s given up after a month…with no in depth discussion WITH ME about it since the first few days he came home. Someone has been listening to him, but he ain’t sayin’ the words to ME. Anyone that knows me knows I don’t/won’t fight for no fuckin’ male. I’ll fight for myself and my kids, but I ain’t fighting to make a man stay with me…motherfucker please. I haven’t even given up! I’ve just put in an equal amount that he has after almost 10 years of pushing to make this work. I know him; lived with him; know his flaws and weaknesses. He knows mine too and I’ve revealed a lot of my secrets. I’ve never expected perfect. I thought that we both knew we’d fuck-up along the way. But for one to have a pattern of behavior that is destructive yet that one won’t change…dares get resentful…and is looking for someone else to “lean on”? *shaking head* It’s just a day that brings it all about; just another day and nothin’s any good… holla@me Friday, April 29, 2005
Caught Out There - Kelis; Kaleidoscope Talking: Yo this song yo… This song is for all the women out there, That have been lied to by their men… And I know y'all been lied to Over and over again this is for y'all yo maybe you didn't break the way you shoulda broke yo But I break… Last year Valentines Day You would just warmly say 'Babe I love you Love you' (Yo, he's lyin') And 'I swear' Held you when you were sick Even *sucked your dick* The whole time I think to myself This isn't fair What is this I see? (No!) You don't come home to me (Oh No!) When you don't come home to me Can't deal Can't bear You keep telling me lies But to your surprise Look I found her Red coat And you’re/your (Bitch) caught out there Chorus: I hate you so much right now I hate you so much right now Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I hate you so much right now I hate you so much right now I hate you so much right now Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I hate you so much right now So sick of your games I'll set your truck to flames And watch it blow up, blow up (laughing) Tell me How you gonna see her now? So far from sincere (him: I love you) Fabrications in my ear Drive me so far up the wall I come sliding down What is this I see? (I don't believe this) You don't come home to me When you don't come home to me I can't deal Can't bear (I won't) You keep telling me lies But to your surprise Look I hope you're happy Since you're caught out there Yeah you been caught. (Chorus) She's so raunchy So vulgar Not me Why the hell her Look! She dresses (Look at her!) a mess What do you see? (I don't know) It's not all about cash (Hell no!) Nor how much you flash How I dress is a reflection of me What is this I see? You don't come home to me (uh-uh) When you don't come home to me I can't deal Can't bear (I told you I won't) You keep telling me lies But to your surprise Look I've got something for y'all Since you're (sound: gun cock) caught out there (Chorus) Such a lovely day today...even with it being cold outside and gloomy. I was able to get a good amount of sleep...yay. and thank you for all you've given. Devotion/surrender/attentiveness seems to be better than love. Automatic – Pointer Sisters Look what you're doing to me I'm utterly at your whim All of my defenses down Your camera looks through me With its X-ray vision And all systems run aground All I can manage to push from my lips Is a stream of absurdities Every word I intended to speak Winds up locked in the circuitry No way to control it It's totally automatic Whenever you're around I'm walking blindfolded Completely automatic All of my systems are down Down, down, down Au-to-mat-ic (automatic) Au-to-mat-ic (automatic) What is this madness That makes my motor run And my legs too weak to stand I go from sadness To exhilaration Like a robot at your command My hands perspire and shake like a leaf Up and down goes my temperature I summon doctors to get some relief But they tell me there is no cure They tell me No way to control it It's totally automatic Whenever you're around I'm walking blindfolded Completely automatic All of my systems are down Down, down, down (Automatic) (Automatic) Au-to-mat-ic (automatic) Au-to-mat-ic (automatic) Au-to-mat-ic Au-to-mat-ic Au-to-mat-ic Au-to-mat-ic (automatic) Look what you're doing to me I'm utterly at your whim All of my defenses down Your camera looks through me With its X-ray vision And all systems run aground All I can manage to push from my lips Is a stream of absurdities Every word I intended to speak Winds up locked in the circuitry No way to control it It's totally automatic Whenever you're around I'm walking blindfolded Completely automatic All of my systems are down Down, down No way to control it It's totally automatic (automatic) Whenever you're around (automatic) I'm walking blindfolded Completely automatic (automatic) All of my systems are down Down, down (Automatic) (Automatic) (Automatic) No way to control it It's totally automatic (automatic) Whenever you're around (automatic) I'm walking blindfolded Completely automatic (automatic) All of my systems are down Down, down No way to control it It's totally automatic (automatic) Whenever you're around (automatic) I'm walking blindfolded Completely automatic (automatic) All of my systems are down ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: With a little help, you'll be able to comprehend a certain matter in ways that are new to you. Overview: You've been thinking about becoming more marketable at your chosen profession -- and thinking about going back to school to get that done. Who cares how old you are or what class you're interested in? Wouldn't it be fun? Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Still thinking about school or adding to your resume? Well, that's great -- but be sure whatever courses you sign up for will benefit not just your credentials, but also your heart, soul and mind. What about taking a class on a subject you've always been fascinated with? Even if it's not a supposedly 'marketable' subject -- at least, according to your current path -- it could turn out to be invaluable. Everyone needs to follow their bliss. Don't lose sight of yours. Too much in my heart and mind to put it all down. And even if I did, it wouldn't be understood. To sum it up, I'm elated...and I didn't have any idea that I would be anytime soon. The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead – XTC Peter pumpkinhead came to town Spreading wisdom and cash around Fed the starving and housed the poor Showed the Vatican what gold’s for But he made too many enemies Of the people who would keep us on our knees Hooray for peter pumpkin Who’ll pray for peter pumpkinhead? Oh my! Peter pumpkinhead pulled them all Emptied churches and shopping malls Where he spoke, it would raise the roof Peter pumpkinhead told the truth But he made too many enemies... Peter pumpkinhead put to shame Governments who would slur his name Plots and sex scandals failed outright Peter merely said Any kind of love is alright But he made too many enemies... Peter pumpkinhead was too good Had him nailed to a chunk of wood He died grinning on live tv Hanging there he looked a lot like you And an awful lot like me! But he made too many enemies... Hooray for peter pumpkin Who’ll pray for peter pumpkin Hooray for peter pumpkinhead Oh my oh my oh! Doesn’t it make you want to cry oh? holla@me Thursday, April 28, 2005
Thinking. lovely, delicious. I've said that it's the little things that make me happy. Well, it is the more complex and enduring things that are thrilling! Possibly to expound later? Maybe... Walking After You – Foo Fighters Tonight I’m tangled in my blanket of clouds Dreaming aloud Things just won’t do without you, matter of fact, ohhh I’m on your back, I’m on your back Ohhh, I’m on your back If you’d accept surrender, I’ll give up some more Weren’t you adored I cannot be without you, matter of fact ohhh I’m on your back If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you Another heart is cracked in two, I’m on your back I cannot be without you, matter of fact ohhh I’m on your back, I’m on your back Ohhh, I’m on your back If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you Heh-Heh, that I could be this maniacal in my lighter devilish thoughts... "Pulling Teeth" - Green Day; Dookie I'm all busted up Broken bones and nasty cuts Accidents will happen But this time I can't get up She comes to check on me Making sure I'm on my knees After all she's the one Who put me in this state Is she ultra-violent? Is she disturbed? I better tell her that I love her Before she does it all over again Oh god, she's killing me!!! For now I'll lie around hell, that's all I can really do She takes good care of me Just keep saying my love is true Is she ultra-violent? Is she disturbed? I better tell her that I love her Before she does it all over again Oh god, she's killing me!!! Looking out my window for Someone that's passing by No one knows I'm locked in here All I do is cry For now I'll lie around hell, that's all I can really do She takes good care of me Just keep saying my love is true ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: You know what's what and that's that. Your certainty lets you have a great day. Overview: You're not much for small talk. You're famous for saying exactly what you mean in as few syllables as possible. Today, however? Expect to be chatty, uncharacteristically so. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Just the facts, ma'am -- that's your style, your credo and what you're famous for. It applies most to your style of communication, especially to conversations with strangers or platonic acquaintances. Right now, though, you'll feel the need to go on at length -- about the silliest things, too. Don't worry, it's temporary. In the meantime, chat up a storm and enjoy it. Pisces Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Spend the day keeping a nice, healthy distance between you and whoever you've been trying to duck out on -- even if you know they'll notice and take offense. What's more important, after all? Having a good day, or placating someone who really does need to realize, once and for all, that they're going to be avoided when they're dragging around that dark cloud? Right. Your day wins. Libra Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're entitled to give yourself the luxury of speaking your mind whenever you want to, and lately you've done just that. But today, you woke up without the urge to shout, spout or go on at length about anything at all. It's a bit of a relief, isn't it? Well if you're feeling that way, you can just imagine how your dear ones are feeling. Treat them to dinner at your place. It's only fair. Capricorn Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Everything you're thinking, feeling and even remotely wondering will issue immediately from your lips. No, that's not your usual style, and yes, you'll definitely be shocking and amazing the masses -- not to mention your inner circle. That doesn't mean you should stop yourself, though. Not for a second. Say every word just the way you want to. It's your turn to be unceremoniously blunt. Enjoy it. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)It's finally starting to dawn on you that it's over, and that you've actually gotten yourself out of a really tough situation. You're feeling free -- like it really is the first day of the rest of your life. Well, don't stop now. If you have a couple of other changes in mind, this would be a good time to give them some energy and consideration, too. Why not make it a clean sweep? holla@me Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Argh. I hate when I find an error in a lyric...I question the integrity of the entire cut/paste. I Don’t Wanna Be – Gavin DeGraw; Chariot I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn I'm surrounded by IDENTITY crisis everywhere I turn Am I the only one to notice? I can't be the only one who's learned I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think about me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me Can I have everyone's attention please See, not like this and that You're gonna have to leave I came from the mountain, the crust of creation My whole situation made from clay, dust, stone And now I'm telling everybody I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to do Or who I'm supposed to be I don't want to be anything other than me I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be I don't want to be Barely Breathing - Duncan Sheik I know what you’re doing, I see it all too clear I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears You really had me going, wishing on a star But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn Well it must have been that yesterday, the day that I was born There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why I say good-bye... ‘Cause I am barely breathing And I can’t find the air I don’t know who I’m kidding Imagining you care And I could stand here waiting A fool for another day But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price The price that I would pay Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about? I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out What is this attraction? I only feel the pain There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame Will it ever change? ‘Cause I am barely breathing And I can’t find the air I don’t know who I’m kidding Imagining you care And I could stand here waiting A fool for another day But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price The price that I would pay But I’m thinking it over anyway... I’ve come to find I may never know Your changing mind Is it friend or foe? I rise above Or sink below With every time You come and go Please don’t come and go ‘Cause I am barely breathing And I can’t find the air I don’t know who I’m kidding Imagining you care And I could stand here waiting A fool for another day But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price The price that I would pay But I’m thinking it over anyway But I'm thinking it over anyway I know what you're doingI see it all too clear. ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: You know you're right, but it won't pay to get self-righteous. Ease up a little. Overview: Intensity and excess are the only games you'll be interested in playing. Of course, if anyone loves indulging in nothing but the best, it's you -- and if anyone can find delightful company, that's you, too. Enjoy! Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Nothing but the best -- that's what your pleasure-loving little heart and soul crave. Fortunately, you've been blessed with the ability to get what you want in such a charming fashion that no one minds. In fact, it makes them happy to give it to you. That goes double for right now, so go ahead and do what you do best. Send out a subtle signal, via a glance or a carefully placed phrase. You perfected the technique -- it's only fair that you put it to use. holla@me Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I was feeling a little shy putting anything on here for a little. I got smacked down by a family member and I questioned my judgment. In error. My journal has to do with what I choose to put here; not necessarily my perception of things. It's my perogative what I want to reveal. It also is a place where I put my most passionate, harshest, critical, loving an/or etc. emotions and sure, I may put a "spin" on interactions or thoughts that may cross my mind. Does it make it a lie or fake? No, I don't think so. Does it make it the truth? No, I don't think so. Does it mean I'm not objective? No...not at all. I write what I feel and then I temper it with my logical, analytical mind. hahaha But, more importantly, it is what I do away from this site and online and how I interact real time with people that means anything. what is that saying? There are three sides to every story; yours, mine and the truth. holla@me Every Word - Sade; Lovers Rock (Love is what the word was) I saw a picture How could you be so careless How could you have done that to us And I write this letter Send it all back to you And every word you said In there every word Oh oh oh How could you have done that to us You treated me like a stranger And all the time I was loving you All your slick moves They were once innocent moves I wanted to look up to you I really trusted you And every word you said In there every word Oh oh oh (Now I send it all back...to you) How could you have done that to us (Love is what the word was) And I was loving you like a child All the time you were smiling The same smile I was loving you like a child I really trusted you Every word you said Every word you said (Love is what the word was) Every word you said Every word you said *Oh God your smile* (Love is what the word was) (Love is what the word was) Every word you said Every word you said I was loving you like a child All the time you were smiling The same smile I was loving you like a child I really trusted you Every word you said Every word you said (Love is what the word was) I send it back to you, yeah (Love is what the word was) Every word you said Every word you said (Love is what the word was) I send it all back to you, yeah (Love is what the word was) Oh Good Lord...trouble? I hope not. ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Financial risks may not pay off the way you expect right now. Caution is the name of the game. Overview: Someone you've been doing quite a bit of daydreaming about lately just so happens to be losing a bit of concentration because of you, too. Oh, give them a call. It's either that or you both lose your jobs. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You haven't really been able to think straight for days -- okay, maybe it's been more like weeks. You've been totally and completely distracted by a certain someone. But, wonderfully enough, they've been equally preoccupied with you. Well, now's the time to be brave and have a heart-to-heart talk about these mutual feelings. Isn't it time you two let your hair down? Sure it is. Landslide - Fleetwood Mac [Stevie Nicks] I took my love and I took it down Climbed a mountain and turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills 'til the landslide brought it down Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Well I've been afraid of changing `cause I've Built my life around you Time makes you bolder Even children get older And I'm getting older too I don't know...I don't know I take my love...take it down I climbed a mountain and turned around And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills... Well the landslide will bring it down The landslide will bring it down holla@me Sunday, April 17, 2005
Valotte – Julian Lennon; Valotte Sitting on the doorstep of the house I can't afford I can feel you there Thinking of a reason, well, it's really not very hard to love you even though you nearly lost my heart How can I explain the meaning of our love It fits so tight, closer than a glove [ Chorus ] Sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar Wonderin' if we're really ever gonna get that far Do you know there's something wrong 'Cause I've felt it all along I can see you face in the mirrors of my mind Will you still be there We're really not so clever as we seem to think we are We've always got our troubles So we'll solve them at the bar The days go by, we seem to drift apart If I could only find a way to keep hold of your heart [ Repeat chorus ] Sitting in the valley as I watch the sun go down I can see you there Thinking of a reason, well, it's really not very hard to love you though you nearly lost my heart When will we know when the change is gonna come I've got a good feeling and it's coming from the sun Sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar Wonderin' if we're really ever gonna get that far Do you know there's something wrong We'll stick together 'cause we're strong (Written by Clayton/Morales/Lennon) © 1984 Charisma Music (ASCAP) I've had a lot to think about; a lot on my plate; a lot to deal with; a lot of fun. It's been real! I like real but then again, I like to be able to day-dream. Haven't been allowed much of that. This horoscope is, well the quickie is, what I've been looking at and `fessin' up with myself. Evenso, there is still more than enough of that to go around. It isn't even worth it. I figure I can't stress the big stuff...too obvious. It's the little things that give me a *big smile* Working out a lot too. Plenty of slippery slopes to give it spice. Please, will I get more than 4 hours sleep a night? I need my beauty sleep! We're working on our problems...I'm so glad. It was really preying on my mind. Fourteen years is a long investment together and I don't regret a moment of it...how can I? It helped to make me the person that I am right now and of course, I love who I am. Always room for improvement, NO DOUBT, and that is my search in this Life I feel. ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: You'll get more help if you're willing to shoulder your share of the blame. Overview: You'll be on center stage for a couple of days -- but you're going to like it. You may not usually be much for basking in the spotlight, but you'll be willing to make an exception now. And you should! Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're in the mood to laugh at yourself and to take some chances, which is a highly appealing quality. As a result, you can expect your fan mail to be especially heavy for a few days -- no, weeks, actually -- and for the paparazzi to be even more annoying than usual. Oh, well. This is just one of those awful jobs that someone's got to do. Fortunately, you're well suited to being adored. Played D&D last night...until 1:20a! It was fun. We play the game hard. I love the gang...so much. They do a terrific job at keeping me laughing and I do my fair share. I realized yesterday though that I need to get my ass better well-read on my character and the game so's I can feel more effective. I have ONE confirmed kill notched on my hide armor. It was funny because Steve rolled and gave this "Raga-Muffin" a great hit, but didn't kill it. Then I said I was rolling to get it off the Battle Sorceror and I struck it down with my scimitar with less points than Battle Sorceror did! HAHA fun! I saw Anthony first and he noticed right away that I lost a lot of weight and told me I'd better be careful or I'd lose my ass. I told him ain't no way...I've had an ass ever since I was a scrawny girl. Stephen said something too. You know when a guy (let alone two) notice weight loss it must be somewhat significant. They hadn't seen me since February though so that's gotta be why. I'm fitting into these two mini-skirts that I used to wear when I was 20...just gotta get them into shape; still in style. That's why I go for the classic in certain clothes and fun or outrageous in others. holla@me Friday, April 15, 2005
Young Hearts Run Free - Kym Mazelle What's the sense in sharing this one and only life Ending up, just another lost and lonely wife You count up the years, and they will be filled with tears, oooh Love only breaks up, to start over again You'll get the babies, but you won't have your man While he is busy loving every woman that he can, huh huh Say I wanna leave a thousand times a day It's easier said that done, when I just can't break away Just can't break away Young hearts, run free Never be hung up, hung up like my man and me (oooh) Hmmm, my man and me Young hearts, to yourself be true Don't be no fool when loving is all there is (oooh) I said I don't love you It's high time, just one crack at life Who want’s to live in, trouble and strife? My mind must be free, to learn all I can about me I'm gonna love me for the rest of my days Caress the babies every time they say Self preservation is what's really going on today, oooh Say I wanna leave a thousand times a day How can I turn loose When you just can't break away (just can't break away) Young hearts, run free Never be hung up, hung up like my man and me (oooh) Oooh, my man and me Whoa, young hearts, to yourself be true Don't be no fool when loving is all there is (oooh) I said I don't love you, hmmm Oh, whoa Oh, whoa Oh, whoa Oh, whoa [4x’s] Young hearts, run free Never be hung up, hung up like my man and me (oooh) Whoa, my man and me Whoa, young hearts, to yourself be true Don't be no fool when loving is all there is (oooh) No, yeah aaah aaah aaah Young hearts, run free... ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Today is the day to take a risk. Don't be shy. Tell them how you feel. Overview: You're as sensual and magnetic as anyone could possibly be -- so you're used to being treated that way by others. But what you're used to still won't compare to what's coming over the next couple of days. Got an agent? Daily extended -For the next few weeks, you'll be a veritable magnet for the affection and attention of admirers, new and old. If you happen to be happily attached, better find a way now to make your current partner know just how much you care. Because when the crowd around you starts to grow thick -- and it will -- they'll need your reassurance. And if you're single, enjoy that dazzling allure. Just be sure to make your choice wisely. BY lASHA SENIUK Taurus - Yesterday's social misunderstandings may briefly reappear. Expect friends or close colleagues to scrutinize dates, times or promises. Remain philosophic and watch for improvement. Loved ones may struggle to resolve outdated fears. Relations with employers, mentors or teachers will require public diplomacy. Leo - Love relationships will either greatly expand or begin to fade. Watch romantic partners for obvious hints or emotional signals. A public display of loyalty may be needed. Resolve postponed commitments or mistaken promises and all will be well. Libra - A recently moody friend may become mildly confrontational. Private emotions or hidden resentments will be easily resolved. Key issues may involve career disappointments, strained family relationships or ongoing power struggles with older relatives. Stay calm: Loved ones will expect your guidance and continuing support. Scorpio - Romantic passions are strongly felt. Expect previously withdrawn lovers or friends to press for reliable promises and new commitments. Much of this is restless emotion, so not to worry. Do, however, watch for a sudden burst of anxiety. At present, loved ones may feel a powerful need for public affirmation. Pisces - Home restrictions and emotional power struggles will fade. Watch for a new wave of understanding and shared goals to arrive in all key relationships. Family expectations may be strongly affected. Remain sensitive to complex proposals, revised group alliances and controversial financial ideas. What is there to say? My mouth is dry and I lost my tears 2 years ago. Actions speak louder than words: this is the cliche of the year for me. I've tried and worked and struggled and did everything to keep it together but if I'm the only one 90% of the time... completely not attentive enough; not like I am for him. I wore this ring with pride Now I feel it's just for show It has no meaning anymore Simply a tax status And I only feel more and more foolish... holla@me Thursday, April 14, 2005
Black & White – Sarah McLachlan; Surfacing a distant cord on the outside is forgotten a constant need to get along and the animal awakens and all I feel is black and white the road is long the memory slides to the whole of my undoing put aside I put away I push it back to get through each day and all I feel is black and white and I'm wound up small and tight and I don't know who I am everybody loves you when you're easy everybody hates when you're a bore everyone is waiting for your entrance so don't disappoint them unravel me untie this chord the very centre of our union is caving in I can't endure I am the archive of our failure and all I feel is black and white and I'm wound up small and tight and I don't know who I am everybody loves you when you're easy everybody hates when you're a bore everyone is waiting for your entrance so don't disappoint them everybody loves you when you're easy so don't disappoint them don't disappoint them ... Full of Grace – Sarah McLachlan; Surfacing The winter here’s cold, and bitter It’s chilled us to the bone We haven’t seen the sun for weeks To long too far from home I feel just like I’m sinking And I claw for solid ground I’m pulled down by the undertow I never thought I could feel so low Oh darkness I feel like letting go If all of the strength and all of the courage Come and lift me from this place I know I could love you much better than this Full of grace Full of grace My love So it’s better this way, I said Having seen this place before Where everything we said and did Hurts us all the more Its just that we stayed, too long In the same old sickly skin I’m pulled down by the undertow I never thought I could feel so low Oh darkness I feel like letting go If all of the strength And all of the courage Come and lift me from this place I know I could love you much better than this Full of grace Full of grace My love Angel – Sarah McLachlan; Surfacing Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay There's always one reason To feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be empty And weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference Escaping one last time It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here holla@me Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Plenty - Sarah McLachlan; Fumbling Towards Ecstasy I looked into your eyes They told me plenty I already knew You never felt a thing So soon forgotten all that you do In more than words I Tried to tell you The more I tried I failed I would not let myself believe That you might stray And I would stand by you No matter what they’d say, I would have thought I’d be with you Until my dying day Until my dying day I used to think my life Was often empty A lonely space to fill You hurt me more than I ever would have imagined You made my world stand still And in that stillness There was a freedom I never felt before I would not let myself believe That you might stray And I would stand by you No matter what they’d say, I would have thought I’d be with you Until my dying day Until my dying day Waiting – Sarah McLachlan; Fumbling Toward Ecstasy Ice - Sarah McLachlan; Fumbling Towards Ecstasy Do what you have to do - Sarah McLachlan; Surfacing holla@me Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Ready or Not - After 7; written by Babyface, L.A. Reid (1989) I'll give you the sun The rain The moon The stars and the mountains I'll give you the world And all that you wish for And even more Girl I love you more than you could know And that's for sure I'd climb the highest hill Cross the widest sea Nothing could discourage me And I pray that you will be Always there for me Forever more Ready or not I'll give you everything And more All that I've got - it's yours I'll give you everything All that you're lookin’ for I'll give you my heart My soul My time My love is a fountain I will be your earth And all that you need for And ever more 'Cause girl I love you more than words can show My love is pure I'll walk a thousand miles Sail a thousand seas Nothin' will discourage me And I pray that you will Always be there for me Forever more HOOK Everything's not anything If you're not here to share my dream You don't know what it means to me If you'll accept my love I dedicate my love My soul My heart beats for you Girl I can't get enough So I'll wait for your love There's nothin’ that I'd rather do HOOK 3 times holla@me Monday, April 11, 2005
I've been walking a lot lately. I mean a lot. It feels good; I have a few moments to myself without being studied and questioned why I don't have a smile on my face. Was it Thursday? It started raining before I got outside; that is what made me want to go for a walk. I love the rain. The weather changing into a lovely warm Spring is just what I've needed. It helps me to de-stress. I try to find happiness somewhere so that I don't keep focusing on the painful part of this path of my Life. But the rain... It wasn't quite warm enough for a short-sleeved shirt, but not cold enough for a jacket. Walking in the rain just fills me up. I don't know why; it was one of my secret pleasures as a child. When there was a thunderstorm or any rain of sustinence, I'd go out in it and get soaked. Feeling the rain hit my skin cool at first, then as it travels down, it gets warmer just before it falls. The weight of the wet clothes I wear; the cold and warm parts of the clothes as they stick to my body or pulled away. I guess it is because it is such a physical, tangible, tactile sensation, but no one is doing it to me; It is Nature. I feel myself going back to being a primal creature and on occasion, if it's night-time; I do shed my fake skin and enjoy. Rain makes me feel real; alive. A moment of freedom. holla@me How Could An Angel Break My Heart - Toni Braxton; Secrets How could an angel break my heart Why didn't he catch my falling star I wish I didn't wish so hard Maybe I wished this love apart How could an angel break my heart Oh my soul is dying, it's crying I'm trying to understand Please help me ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: You've got the crowd on your side. The applause is deafening, and it's all for you. Overview: You've spent enough time on intrigue -- and other people's problems. It's time for you to think about what's really important to you. Once you figure it out -- and it won't take long -- get busy making it happen. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)The deeper side of life, love and contentment -- that's all that will appeal to you now. No light-hearted chitchat and no surface conversation. Depth, intensity and meaningful exchanges are what you're after, and it's not like you haven't earned them. You've been handling other people's issues, putting up with their schemes and listening to their problems for as long as you can remember. Enough. Concentrate on what makes you feel good. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)There it is again -- the spotlight. You're more than used to it. It probably doesn't even burn you anymore. But today? Well, you'll be looking for a bit more privacy than the spotlight affords. Say, enough privacy to allow you and a certain someone to spend some much-needed quality time alone? That may be easier said than done, however. Especially if your fans are particularly fervent. And aren't they always? holla@me Sunday, April 10, 2005
Can't Believe - Staind; Break the Cycle Respect, Respect what is found Respect should abound Respect everything that you leave I can't believe Can't believe And I, I can't believe I can't believe all the travesty Surrounding me, I, I want to flee I want to flee from everything In front of me I Can't believe Never again, trusted in you Fuck everything that you think I should be I stand, never again, never again Can't believe FADE - Staind; Break the Cycle I try to breathe Memories overtaking me I try to face them but the thought is too Much to conceive I only know that I can change Everything else just stays the same So now I step out of the darkness That my life became `cause I just needed someone to talk to You were just too busy with yourself You were never there for me to Express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made So where were you When all this I was going through You never took the time to ask me Just what you could do I only know that I can change Everything else just stays the same So now I step out of the darkness That my life became `cause I just needed someone to talk to You were just too busy with yourself You were never there for me to Express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made But I never meant to fade away I NEVER meant to fade away! I just needed someone to talk to You were just too busy with yourself You were never there for me to Express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made I'm tryin' to breathe holla@me ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Your appeal is undeniable. Others find you irresistible. Enjoy the attention. Overview: 'No' has never been your favorite word -- especially when it comes to sensory pleasures. You're much better at finding delightful ways to enjoy nothing but the best -- and at finding appropriate company to enjoy it with. That goes double now. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)A higher-up is about to put their foot down and utter your least favorite word in response to one of your requests: no. Now, you're not used to hearing that word because, as hard as you work, the little that you ask for isn't usually turned down. After the shock has passed, and just before you get mad, think about it. Might there be a deeper reason you're being refused? The following are the different kinds of biting: The hidden bite The swollen bite The point The line of points The coral and the jewel The line of jewels The broken cloud The biting of the boar The biting, which is shown only by the excessive redness of the skin that is bitten, is called the 'hidden bite'. When the skin is pressed down on both sides, it is called the 'swollen bite'. When a small portion of the skin is bitten with two teeth only, it is called the 'point'. When such small portions of the skin are bitten with all the teeth, it is called the 'line of points'. The biting, which is done by bringing together the teeth and the lips, is called the 'coral and the jewel'. The lip is the coral, and the teeth the jewel. When biting is done with all the teeth, it is called the 'line of jewels'. The biting, which consists of unequal risings in a circle, and which comes from the space between the teeth, is called the 'broken cloud'. This is impressed on the breasts.The biting, which consists of many broad rows of marks near to one another, and with red intervals, is called the 'biting of a boar'. This is impressed on the breasts and the shoulders; and these two last modes of biting are peculiar to persons of intense passion. holla@me Saturday, April 09, 2005
Outside – Staind; Break the Cycle And you, bring me to my knees Again All the times When I could beg you please - In vain All the times That I felt insecure For you And I leave My burdens at the door [Chorus] But I'm on the outside I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors 'Cause inside you're ugly You're ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you All the times That I felt like this won't end It's for you And I taste What I could never have It was from you All the times that I've cried My intentions, full of pride But I waste More time than anyone [Chorus] All the times That I've cried All this wasted It's all inside And I feel All this pain Stuffed it down It's back again And I lie Here in bed All alone I can't mend But I feel Tomorrow will be OK [Chorus] Cold - Crossfade Looking back at me, I see that I never really got it right, I never stop to think of you. I'm always wrapped up in things I can not win. You are the antidote that gets me by, Something strong like a drug that gets me high. What I really meant to say, Is I'm sorry for the way, I am. I never meant to be so cold Never meant to be so cold What I really meant to say, Is I'm sorry for the way, I am. I never meant to be so cold Never meant to be so... Cold to you, I'm sorry about all the lies Maybe in a different light, You could see me stand on my own again, Cause now I can see me. You are the antidote that got me by, Something strong like a drug that got me high. What I really meant to say, Is I'm sorry for the way, I am. I never meant to be so cold Never meant to be so cold What I really meant to say, Is I'm sorry for the way, I am. I never meant to be so cold Never meant to be so cold I never meant to be so cold I never really wanted you to see, The screwed up side of me that I keep, Locked inside of me so deep, It always seems to get to me, I never really wanted you to go, So many things you should have known, I guess for me there's just no hope. I never meant to be so cold. What I really meant to say, Is I'm sorry for the way, I am. I never meant to be so cold Never meant to be so cold What I really meant to say, Is I'm sorry for the way, I am. I never meant to be so cold Never meant to be so cold holla@me
It still stings, and I fear it always will, that he thought to, and indeed did, invite other people (women) that he's met online to be with on his trip to Alabama. As a matter of fact, he didn't think about me going until after his plans with someone else was set. Me as an afterthought two days before he left. After it's too late to get any tickets or anything, he types to me that he wishes he thought about it before now. It doesn't ring true to me: Right after he found out, in earlyFebruary, that he had to go on his trip, he talked to one woman...it didn't pan out. Then he talked to another woman...bingo! Then he tells me that I'm so fuckin' special and that I'm the cream of the crop of females... *sniff-sniff* It just doesn't ring true to me. He also tells me that he doesn't really feel comfortable telling me how he feels about other women. No fucking shit! He hasn't been doing any of the things we had said we would do: discuss everything; share everything; be open, honest and mindful of each others feelings. It isn't there. And I'm feeling numb. I feel like I take so much care with him and give him so much support, he takes it for granted. He really doesn't know how it feels for me not to have his back. He's left me in the lurch too many times : 1.when the band broke up; he stopped caring about everything and everyone 2. finding a woman 1 year after my accident to "rescue", told her we were open when we weren't and told me if I didn't accept it, he'd do what he wanted anyway 3. 2 months ago, got involved with a woman online that needed "rescuing" again; was thinking about going to Canada to visit her 4. after my surgery, he spent the entire weekend online, chatting and then would get upset when I was cleaning something or getting something for myself 5. he was supposed to spend an evening with me, said he needed to check his messages and then started e-mailing this woman he JUST got an e-mail from and then, after giving her his Yahoo ID, started chatting with her for 2+ hours 6. right now; it continues - he's been telling all the women he's been talking to that he and I have this great relationship and that we're open and all the "wonderful" things he does for me. The thing is, he's not been doing what he's said he has with me at all. He's been using me and the wife status to look like this terrific, romantic, attentive man. And the kicker is that he's told me his "schtick" is to talk to these women: be attentive - what is your favorite color? how do you take your coffee? who makes you laugh? and a bunch of other questions besides. (One time he gave me an example and I asked him if he knew my answer. The answer was no.) He told me that all of this was because women are so used to being objectified and sexed up that they go crazy and become extremely attracted to him because he "just talks". That's his "schtick": he just talks...then they start getting all hot and bothered for him. And then of course, he tells these women how intune and ONE we are about sharing each other. I brought it up to him 3 weeks ago; been talking to him about this and the points I've been making he says he knows what I'm saying and that it is true: he has been giving these women all this attention and consideration and indeed HAS been overlooking me and that he doesn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. He says he understands my trust issues with him and that he's gonna show me how much he supports and loves me. It sounds like bullshit to me because since I've brought all this up, he still hasn't shared anything and it was just 4/6 him telling me he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me about the women he's involved with. It sounds like bullshit because I have to keep bringing it up and it doesn't matter because he's thinking of the here and now: He's pushed all this to the back burner so that he could go on his trip this weekend with someone joining him to have fun with. And I'm tired of saying anything. And I'm tired of caring so much about him when it doesn't seem to be reciprocated. And I'm not upset with any of these women. I don't think that it's jealousy I'm feeling. The one woman that he did meet up with this weekend, I like and want to meet her. Apparently, she wants to meet me too. She told me that she felt like he was leaving the best part of himself behind and that me not being there would be peanut butter without the jelly. I told Dude that actions speak louder than words. He said that he was going to show me through his actions. Well he hasn't been doing it with actions or words. I think I'm going to take my own advice. He's obviously not listening to me, probably looking at me as a nag. So I'm going to stop talking and take better care of myself. Because if I don't do it for myself, who will for me? No one. holla@me Let It Flow - Toni Braxton; Secrets First thing early Monday morning I'm gonna pack my tears away Got no cause to look back I'm lookin' for me a better day See the thing about love Is that it's not enough If the only thing it brings you is pain There comes a time when we could all make a change, darlin' Just let go Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow Everything's gonna work out right, Y'know Just let go, let it flow, let it flow, let it flow Just let it go Don't nobody want no broke heart And don't nobody want no two time losers (oh no) Ain't nobody gonna love you like you are If you take whatever he brings your way (oh no no no) You see the thing of it Is we deserve respect But we can't demand respect without change There comes a time when we must go our own way Just let go Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow Everything's gonna work out right, Y'know Just let go,let it flow, let it flow, let it flow Just let it go Sometimes love it can work out right, right now Sometimes you'll never know, you'll never ever gonna know it But if it brings you pain in your life Don't be afraid to let it go Just let go Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow Everything's gonna work out right, Y'know Let go, and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow Just let it go holla@me Friday, April 08, 2005
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: The answer may elude you briefly. But close your eyes. It'll come to you. Overview: The stars are bringing about drastic changes via big events. In your case, expect them to shake things up vis-a-vis a secret that's recently been revealed. Hey, you knew it had to happen sooner or later. Daily extended: Fasten your seatbelt and put your tray-table in the upright position. There's some serious turbulence en route, and bracing yourself before it happens is the only way to get through it. Even if you don't emerge from the experience totally unscathed, you'll definitely be a lot better off than some of your unprepared friends. You can try warning them, by the way, but don't expect them to take you seriously. Leo Daily extended Have you ever heard anything about eclipses? About how they're the most action-packed astrological event there is? Well if you haven't, you're about to receive a crash course right now. There's a solar eclipse due this afternoon, and it's been specially designed to simultaneously settle you down and stir you up -- in the realm of long-distance relationships. Got a passport? You'd better get it out. He's gone. He hasn't told me anything and he's made up his mind what he wants and he's gone. And if I had said that I didn't think it was a good idea because of him not being open with me, he'd just resent me and probably do it anyway. I hope it was worth it. My heart; it hurts so much. The honesty hasn't been present and the trust isn't there anymore and I don't think he cares. It doesn't feel like he cares. No longer beating in tandem. Scorpio Daily extended You've been thinking about it for a while, and you're just about sure that this is what you want to do. You're ready to forget your job and abandon your routine. You're done, you're over it and you've had it with trying to pretend otherwise. But before you do anything rash, shouldn't you at least talk to an elder who's been there? Someone who can give you the benefit of experience? Yes, you should. holla@me Sunday, April 03, 2005
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Conversations will be illuminating. Talk to everyone you see. Overview: If you resisted going overboard yesterday, congratulations -- and don't feel bad if you can't keep it going for one more day. Even more irresistible urges will be along to tempt you. Oh, heck -- you're only human. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)One of several scenarios is about to unfold, so prepare yourself. A) You may receive a call from someone you haven't heard from in forever, who'll beg you to just jump on a plane and visit. B) You'll have an argument with a dear one about money, and you know how you hate those. C) A casual encounter will result in a not-so-casual embrace. Better think about it before you make a move. Really. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're still not even considering what it might be like to be mellow -- and you've been up late for the past couple of nights, too. Well, you'd better have coffee on hand and be able to sneak in a nap this afternoon, because you won't be getting to bed any earlier this evening. In fact, what with your current energy and desire to live it up, you'll be able to convince a special someone that it's okay to stay up, too. Pisces Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Money can't buy happiness -- or so they say. To most of us, however, it certainly can buy a rather pleasant evening, especially if we're trying to spoil a dear one who's been nothing but good to us. In your case, it's an intimate someone you want to do it up for, and nothing -- that's nothing -- is out of the question. Spend a bit more than you ordinarily might. Think of the memory you'll be creating. holla@me Saturday, April 02, 2005
Libra Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Don't even think about bowing out on that wonderful adventure a dear one has offered. You know you've earned this, and you know you want to go and play -- and it's about time. So why deny yourself? Get out there and have some fun. You can get back to making peace, restoring balance to troubled situations and negotiating treaties tomorrow. For tonight, promise to enjoy yourself. Pisces Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Oh, go ahead and indulge yourself. Whatever you've been offered just happens to be exactly what you want -- and you more than deserve it! Why not have some fun doing exactly what you want to do? Okay, it might be a bit over the top, but so what? When was the last time you gave in and had a totally hedonistic evening? If it's been a while, seize this moment. Scorpio Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Oh, my. A private matter you've been doing your best to keep under control has just shown the first signs of getting away from you. Does that mean you'll be totally unable to keep the situation where you want it to be? It might -- and that's not a comforting thought for you. But if you let go and let the universe drive the big car, you might be surprised at how well the whole thing turns out holla@me Disease – Matchbox Twenty; More Than You Think You Are Feels like you made a mistake You made somebody’s heart break But now I have to let you go I have to let you go You left a stain On every one of my good days But I am stronger than you know I have to let you go No one’s ever turned you over No one’s tried To ever let you down, Beautiful girl Bless your heart I got a disease Deep inside me Makes me feel uneasy baby I can’t live without you Tell me what I am supposed to do about it Keep your distance from it Don’t pay no attention to me I got a disease Feels like you’re making a mess You’re hell on wheels in a black dress You drove me to the fire And left me there to burn Every little thing you do is tragic All my life, oh was magic Beautiful girl I can’t breathe I got a disease Deep inside me Makes me feel uneasy baby I can’t live without you Tell me what I am supposed to do about it Keep your distance from it Don’t pay no attention to me I got a disease I think that I’m sick But leave me be while my world is coming down on me You taste like honey, honey Tell me can I be your honey Be, be strong Keep telling myself it that won’t take long till I’m free of my disease Yeah well free of my disease Free of my disease I got a disease Deep inside me Makes me feel uneasy baby I can’t live without you Tell me what I am supposed to do about it Keep your distance from it Don’t pay no attention to me I got a disease I think that I’m sick But leave me be while my world is coming down on me You taste like honey, honey Tell me can I be your honey Be, be strong Keep telling myself it that won’t take long till I’m free of my disease Yeah well free of my disease Free of my disease ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Disillusionment does not become you. Have a talk with your innocent side. Overview: What you love best is the sensory pleasure that life inside these wonderful bodies often provides. As a result, you're not unfamiliar with the concept of overdoing it. Try to take it easy now, though -- just a little bit. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're not usually this thin-skinned, so even you may be surprised at how easily your feelings are hurt right now -- even though you know darned well that those comments weren't meant to be hurtful. Does this mean you'll automatically overreact, even if someone is just kidding? Not necessarily, but you might want to practice counting to ten -- especially if they could still be a bit cranky over yesterday's goings-on. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You're supposed to be making plans with your friends. And keeping them, too. Unfortunately for them -- and for you, once they've had their say -- you've been on this 'dutiful kick,' as they're probably calling it. Well, they may let you slide for one more day, especially if they were less than kind to you yesterday. But you'd better make time for them soon. Like tonight. Remember, that's 'one more day' -- no promises about the evening. holla@me |
