Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Wednesday, February 02, 2005
What has been on my mind for a few weeks. I was going to keep this to myself. It was too much...
...behind Lake Clifton ...in Church ...on a beach with a group of teenaged boys watching ...sneaking up on a neighbor's porch with tall bushes ...in some brush next to a softball field ...any dark corner that was semi-private ...parked @ Golden Ring, full parking lot; steamy, fogged windows, rocking It wasn't until later that I learned if I didn't give him what he wanted, he'd take me how he wanted. Those experiences with an experienced...I was so naive and eager to learn. They really were priceless moments. Walking In My Shoes - Depeche Mode; Songs of Faith and Devotion The rough, harsh, rush that I loved to feel would be a dread and a lust of what I would become. It didn't seem out of control or deviant. It was was wonderful; oh my god was it good.exhibitionistic, scary, exciting dangerous, taboo, humiliating, gratifying, hot, bent, wild, rough, deep, fast, fast, hard, sadistic, dangerous, kinky, obscene, dark, tempting I thought it was love. I didn't know I was on a plate as cocktail, hors d'oeuvres, salad, entrée and dessert. To be devoured at another's leisure; however, whenever he wanted to eat. I realized much...being there in that lonely, secluded place. Sex is subjective.
Sex can make a bond. Sex can break a bond. Sex is a trap. Sex is slick titillation. Sex hurts and leaves bruises. Sex can make you soar. Sex can leave you gasping for air. Sex is nothingness. Sex can make one want to die. Sex can have any emotion placed upon it to give it meaning or no meaning at all. Sex is nothing but a series of movements and motions with a circumstance of extreme arousal and release. It can be started without provocation and completed against one's will. One's body can betray one's principle. No matter how many people are involved, sex is an individual sensation. Anyone can have sex. Most people want it. It's easy to find and get sex when looking; sometimes, even when not. Sex is cheap. It was a crazy time for me from 16 - almost 20. I would never wish those days away. I earned every fuckin' skill I was taught. I'm proud of them even if the circumstances were less than desirable. It was awesome a lot of the time but...very painful in many ways. I learned about sex very fast and loose. I learned how to speak up for my needs and let go a lot of society's self-imposed inhibitions. I'm not nervous or embarrassed talking about sex; technique, taste, smell, feeling, etc. But also, I learned to feel that sex is used for leverage often. It doesn't matter how good it is it isn't worth Life. Now, don't get me wrong, I love sex but I don't make it the most important part a relationship. Do we have similar philosophies? Do we want to know more about each other after? Are you violent and mentally unstable? I want to know I'm getting more than cheap and easy. Substance. Meat. Sustenance. Not forever, just for now. I thought I was damaged though. Too damaged to find anyone that would want me. Can't everyone see the things I've done? I felt it was tatooed on my skin; burning bright red. I did find someone; Dude! And here we are, almost at our 10th anniversary. We've come a long way; grown exponentially and it continues... Quoi que vous désirez. holla@me
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