Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire __One Percent - 1%__ Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never.



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"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." - Anais Nin
"Chaos and order are not enemies, only opposites." - Richard Garriott
"Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit." - Henry B. Adams
"I have a great belief in the fact that whenever there is chaos, it creates wonderful thinking." - Septima Poinsette Clark
"Music creates order out of chaos..." - Yehudi Menuhin
Don't Wait Too Long - Madeline Peyroux
You can cry a million tears
You can wait a million years
If you think that time will change your ways
Don't wait too long

When your morning turns to night
Who'll be loving you by candlelight
If you think that time will change your ways
Don't wait too long

Maybe I got a lot to learn
Time can slip away
Sometimes you got to lose it all
Before you find your way

Take a chance, play your part
Make romance, it might brake your heart
But if you think that time will change your ways
Don't wait too long

It may rain, it may shine
Love will age like fine red wine
But if you think that time will change your ways
Don't wait too long

Maybe you and I got a lot to learn
Don't waist another day
Maybe you got to lose it all
Before you find your way

Take a chance, play your part
Make romance, it might brake your heart
But if you think that time will change your ways
Don't wait too long
Don't wait
Hmm... Don't wait

Don't You (Forget About Me) - Simple Minds
I'll be alone, dancing, you know it baby...

Weekend In New England - Barry Manilow
All My Life - DJ Harry; Collision
Sleeps With Butterflies - Tori Amos; Beekeeper

Daily Overview for January 19, 2005 by Astrology.com
Taurus Quickie:Don't jump the gun. Gather information and sources. Then make your move.
Yesterday, I was taking a shower and while washing, I noticed a nickel sized lump on the underside of my left breast. As soon as I touched it, my hand flew away from it. Then I started laughing.
I went to my doctor this morning and of course, nothing can be said without further tests. It is 2cm in diameter, about a nickel. The doctor told me that because it is a moving mass, I shouldn't worry too much. That made me chuckle. I mean, yes worry, but not TOO much.
I told Dude. He's all like, you're fine.
I'm nervous. I don't have a big life insurance policy. I will be absolutely worthless to my family in death. Dude would have to carry everything...temporarily alone and stressed. And we certainly don't want to have him rely on my parents with our kids ever again.
I told my bestest friend about it and she told me not to think much into it yet...not until I get some real results. I told her that she should know me by now; I think about the Nth level so's I can get my shit together. She just laughed at me saying that I have my shit together more than anyone she knows.
"Well," I said, "you know that I can't have the house a wreck before I check out."
She told me to shut the fuck up as she laughed her ass off.
I know, premature, but like I said, I like to make sure everything's in order...to make things easier for myself and those I care about the most.

Why did my mother tell my daughter that she is too thin and needs to eat more? Bren then asked if he was ok. I was hyper-pissed! I told both of them that they are fine and that as long as they eat mostly whole foods and play. I gave them a mini nutrition lesson on whole and processed foods.
Gramma just started working on her own weight and health issues at 52. When I was a kid, she said the same thing to me as she said to Guin and then turned around asking me a few years later if I wanted to look like her. She's always had problems with her weight; put me in the clean plate club and applauded my efforts of almost becoming anorexic when I was a teenager. She ended up in the hospital herself for anorexia when she was a teenager. She has no business telling anyone about healthy eating. I've worked most of my life throwing her issues off myself. I'll be damned if that fuckin' bitch is going to put any stigmas on my children. She and my father stuff Bren with 2 14" pizzas a day when he spends the night over their house and then scoff at me when his doctor and myself notice he's getting over-weight. They sneak him food! Then to tell my girl that she's too thin. That's fucked-up. I'm so tired of their shit. They also told Bren that "big boys don't cry." I threw a fuckin' fit about that. Explained to Bren that everyone cries; happy, sad, funny, love, etc. Crying isn't bad or good. It is an expression of emotion.
I don't want to cease visitation because it will seem as if I'm doing it because of my problems with my folks. Bren and Guin will learn all on their own how toxic my parents are. But I think that I may have to impose supervised visitation.
My parents trying to "teach" my children a sense of self, when they don't even sense themselves? No way!
I'm just rambling now...fuck it.
It's important to have a Sense of Self: I Think / Feel / Value...whatever/whomever. Interaction with people, creatures, etc. isn't always about relating...it is about empathy.

holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 13:26