Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire __One Percent - 1%__ Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never.



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I'm not following my internal advice and I feel I could be making a few mistakes; possibly being looked upon as weak or "easy." I can correct it but after the corrections, I need to keep my resolve. While I am very open and tell my friends things going on in my life, lately I have been keeping my own council. It may be that I don't trust the people that I'm with right now. I have asked a few to be my sounding board. I play it to what makes sense, to what I need and if I can/should give someone what they want. I know, it may be weird, but it is what I do. I try to be mindful of the consequences for my actions and with whom I interact.
I won't hurt wh0/what I love. I may set them free and see if they return. If someone is special to me, I don't want to destroy them. They are beautiful and I love knowing that beauty touched me and that they are still out in the world. I will always love them in some way. I dunno...I've always looked at myself as full of love. I have a lot to give but I will never give it away again.
Those that have given me reason not to care for, feel my disconnection and disassociation. I'm sure I've said it before; I can be cruel. I know the difference between telling it like it is and explaining something in the harshest way possible.

I had typed something a few years ago: MBTI personality types. I fit into both ENTP & ENFJ. I can't find that post on GWTC! I'm frustrated and I thought that I had copied my entire blog in case something like this happened (well, I know I did) but I can't find where it is! I'm so frustrated. It is hard enough to get my thoughts down in a pattern that makes sense to "normal" people let alone to be made crazy because I can't find something I'm pretty sure (no positive) I have typed and posted. *sigh* oh well, back to the drawing board.

ohohyeah! A note from my mother, responding to what I sent.

Dear Amber,

I've received your letter and read it. I find much truth in it but also some partial truths and some non truths. Over the years we've met and talked repeatedly about these issues but it seems it's to no avail. The minute we disagree about anything we are right back where we started.

I also would like to see a change in our relationship but I think we are unable to do that on our own. I would like to propose that you and I get family counseling. I think we need the help of a professional. Someone who is trained in helping family members connect in a healthy way.

I care deeply for you and it pains me that our relationship is in the state that it is...

Love, Mom


holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 09:07