Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Friday, December 31, 2004
HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE Y'ALL!!!
Can't really say much today...getting ready for our New Year's Eve Party. I'm very excited! We had a big one in 2000. This isn't going to be as big but we are in a bigger space. Oh hell, it's what one makes of it, eh? I'm planning to have a great time! Before I dash... My Dude, my Comforter, told me that it makes him very angry thinking of the "WHY" of the tsunami disaster in Asia as well. "But, if you think about it, it's no different than a plague. "It's a natural disaster instead of a biological one. "The earth is an entity that regenerates itself. "No different than humans losing an average of 100 hairs per day. One day it will die." Smart Dude! He's right. None of us are getting out of this alive! One of Us - Joan Osborne Phrase for the month: Yo People! stop drinkin' the Hate-Or-Ade! holla@me Unbelievable - EMF
You burden me with your questions You'd have me tell no lies You're always asking what it's all about But don't listen to my replies You say to me I don't talk enough But when I do I'm a fool These times I've spent, I've realized I'm going to shoot through And leave you The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away The things, you say You're unbelievable You burden me with your problems By telling me more than mine I'm always so concerned With the way you say You've always go to stop To think of us being one Is more than I ever know But this time, I realize I'm going to shoot through And leave you The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away The things, you say You're unbelievable Seemingly lastless, don't mean You can ask us Pushing down the relative Bringing out your higher self Think of the fine times Pushing down the better few Instead of bringing out the clues To what the world and everything anger to Brace yourself with the grace of ease I know this world ain't what it seems. (You're unbelievable) You burden me with your questions You'd have me tell no lies You're always asking what it's all about But don't listen to my replies You say to me I don't talk enough But when I do I'm a fool These times I've spent, I've realized I'm going to shoot through And leave you The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away The things, you say It's why I love you more The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away The things, you say You're unbelievable You're so unbelievable You're unbelievable (You're unbelievable) You're unbelievable
Underwear Goes Inside The Pants - Lazy Boy holla@me Thursday, December 30, 2004
10,000 Maniacs; Blind Man's Zoo:
Lion's Share Dust Bowl Headstrong Trouble Me Hateful Hate The Reason - Hoobastank Cruel - Tori Amos; From The Choirgirl Hotel Would I Lie To You? & Here Comes The Rain Again - Eurythmics My attempt at humor. *I thought it was funny!* Oh and my fourth condition is that whatever we agree to, it must be written in blood. Awww, if you didn't get it, it wasn't FOR you! holla@me
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast
Quickie: Is everyone letting you down? Or are your expectations unreasonably high? Overview: The secrets you've been dealing with over the past few days are officially a thing of the past, but be prepared to make amends. It's time to deliver or accept apologies. Either way, do it graciously. Cure songs from Wish trust cut end Depeche Mode songs from 101, Cassettes 1&2 Behind the Wheel - woo, this song always gets me hot. Strangelove Sacred Things You Said Stripped People are People Never Let Me Down Again Master and Servant A person that I feel may be toxic told me last night that I'm obsessed with manipulation. That I see it around me all the time. Well, when I ask someone to get me a drink of water, that is manipulation. Peeling an orange, making tea, etc... I thought about it and reflected for a moment. Yes, I feel manipulation is going on all around me. Manipulation is neither good nor bad; it is the intent or implied intent. *Yeah, sure I have a kink for D/s. But I don't put everyone on my potential kink-list. I love to dominate a willing partner; watching how much they want to be dominated and showing me appreciation for my passion. I also love the idea of not being in control; to be at another's whim. I've done both, love both and just accept that as a preference of mine. But that doesn't mean I can't "act" vanilla. Of course I separate THAT from my normal interactions with people. I already have an outlet for what I desire. THAT is all about awareness, consent and sex or no sex.* So I thought about it more and I realize that I don't trust him anymore. That is why I can't get past this. It took weeks for him to finally admit that he was being rude when we were chatting. "But"...he says, 'but I didn't have to lash out at him because of it.' I didn't lash out. I typed him a dickhead and "bye yo." He tells me I assumed that he wasn't going to talk to him anymore. He didn't talk to me for 4 days. He assumes that because I asked him what his expectations are of me that I think he wants to have sex with me. Well, 1 he's a guy; it's always on their mind. But with me? I don't care! It's not like it's gonna happen; women I talk to about that say beware. He wants to point out all my errors in why this happened while conveniently "omitting" his. When I bring up that point (because I am indignant to his omitting...it IS lying no matter how he's rationalized it), then I get accused of trying to get the last word in. Turning events around so they aren't in the correct order of occurrence...flimflamming words; picking up on and assimilating phrases I use, but not in the way I intended them... Some of the correspondence I sent to him was to get a response. Others were to have him think. Still others were to make him feel. See, I care about him; think he has a lot of potential; understand some of his pain. But now, I'm also learning to despise him. I feel like when I try to come out and say anything, there's a 20 foot high, foot thick glass wall between us. I can see him and vice versa but we can't hear. He doesn't even see that I treated/treat him the way he treated/treats me. He doesn't understand that I'm not trying to hurt him, or to control him; I'm telling him how I feel. I just want to be treated the way he demands to be treated. He just doesn't give the same courtesy. He doesn't understand that it is me controlling myself. What I type out and send is me laid bare, but he only sees things as he would do them. I'm not bluffing; I'm letting him know that I'll do what I have to do. I know when I'm out of my league. One of my friends that knew him told me that she knew it would eventually happen to me; now he has managed to "put off" all of her friends. And I was actually trying to understand what he had against her; I don't believe it anymore. I think it's just that he doesn't know how to treat people and is intolerant to us grumbling about his behavior. It's a slippery slope and there is no equal footing with him unless I fall into the mould that he sees me in. I get quiet and listen to what he has to say, but he throws out insults that he tries to pass as genuine observations about me, and then he says nothing else. I feel like he thinks I'm stunned by what he says, when in all actuality I'm trying to see past his hurt bullshit and... fuck it. Dude asks, why do I care to continue? I don't think he's much of a friend except on his level. I feel I've done more for him than he has for me; driving him around and all. I thought I was making a good investment. Last I checked, my name was spelled A-M-B-E-R not D-O-O-R-M-A-T. It doesn't make much sense to be involved with a person that makes me feel mistrust, dislike and guarded. We'll be happier free of each other. It's obvious isn't it? Why continue? If what he said was true, then I would have no friends. I wouldn't be able to keep them. But I do have friends in all walks of life. What he said doesn't make sense. If I have to forget you, I will. ~~A.C.Smith That wasn't a threat; it was me showing my pain. I will not be a groupie-girl, up your ass. You better call some chick that's willing to deal with that shit `cause I ain't The One. ~~A.C.Smith That was a blunt, bare-bones statement that encompasses the way I feel about this whole situation. What I typed was intentional. I meant every word I said, especially the caring ones. But I cannot be treated in the manner he feels entitled to treat me. And I don't want to invest anymore time or words on him. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't hear me. This fits into how I feel about the Asia disaster: Blasphemous Rumours - Depeche Mode Impatience Trying to force a possible future you can't wait Instant trust without the work What makes you so demanding? But you can't even abide by your own words Refusing to see your own denial When it is so obvious to one Who tries to see the man Emerging from the shed-skin. Failure to understand My philosophy Doesn't make it any less sound Get to my level Tired of going to yours. ~~A.C.Smith
holla@me Wednesday, December 29, 2004
I can completely hear a song I love by recall. I guess it's `cause I like my music real loud, so I hear all the components for the song. I love music while driving, it soothes me but if I'm walking...crossing streets, it's safer that I can just "hear it."
holla@me
I had a guy sing at me today. Yes, at me. I was in a shopping center on York Rd...next to Channel 2 news (blood drive). I had come out of the GameStop and walked by him; he was sitting at StarBucks. I'm waiting on the sidewalk, facing the road lookin' for Dude to pick me up (he had a Dr. appt. same time I was giving blood) and I hear "IEIEEI!" behind me. I turn around and he's in his truck at a stop sign, smilin' dead at me. I smiled back and that was that.
OOh, ooh! A bit of good news while at my Dr. appt. Six pounds no longer exist on my body. I'm damn surprised! I've been eating "bad food" for about 1.5 weeks. I didn't snack out on Christmas either. Just wasn't hungry. Dude says I'm on The Tapeworm Diet! I told him not to take away my victory of changing my metabolism. He gave credit. *muah* It's been nice to talk to some new people at hot or not. My dude has his pic on too now! His hot rockstar body...*eg* Subject: Hey There! Thank you very much. I admired your picture too; look like you had a very fun night. Hmmm...a little about me...I write a weblog, I'm trying to get a good writing style down and such. I'm enjoying NIN right now. What is your role in the band...name? My dude is in a band too; lead singer and bassist. I enjoy making folks laugh too. Been feeling a little helpless with what has been going on in Asia. I gave blood for the first time today. I've been terrified of needles since I was a kid so... Well, I have to dash myself. Tell me about you? A- holla@me
Whew! busy busy day! Doctors appointments; surgery arrangements, etc.
One thing I am very content with today is that we went and gave blood. I've never given blood before, but I felt completely moved to with the disaster in Asia. The death toll keeps rising. I wish I could do more. I'm going to donate food and such...whatever I can in order to help, besides joining The Red Cross and traveling over there. A-'s Playlist I'm just angry! All those dead, suffering, dying and handling the dead, I'm angry at 'WHY?' Songs that I can think of that fits my mood on this:
Terrible Lie - NIN; Pretty Hate Machine I Do Not Want This - NIN; The Downward Spiral Moving on... The Way I Am - Eminem; The Marshall Mathers LP Who's Loving You - Terence Trent D'Arby (words by William Robinson); Introducing The Hardline According To... We're In This Together - NIN; The Fragile Picture Me Rollin' & Can't C Me - 2Pac; All Eyez On Me No Need to Argue & Everything I Said - The Cranberries; No Need to Argue Sin - NIN; Pretty Hate Machine Stonger Than Pride (the whole album) - Sade One - U2; Achtung Baby Ruiner & Eraser - NIN; The Downward Spiral holla@me Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Posted 12/28/2004 7:13 AM Updated 12/28/2004 5:37 PM
Indonesia ups deaths sending tsunami toll past 52,000 Posted 12/28/2004 7:13 AM Updated 12/28/2004 10:55 PM Indonesia ups deaths sending tsunami toll past 55,000 Posted 12/28/2004 7:13 AM Updated 12/28/2004 11:11 PM Indonesia ups deaths sending tsunami toll past 58,000 with tens of thousands still missing. The U.N. health agency warned that disease could double the toll yet again. This is almost too tragic to be believable. How devestating. Natural disasters incredible. Devestating because it is so unexpected. I'm thinking of how Robert McNamara used the names and populations of U.S. cities to equate the tens of thousands civilians killed during the U.S. firebombing of Japan in WW II. I decided to equate that with the state I live in, but I'm too lazy to complete a "showing of my findings": http://www.citypopulation.de/USA-Maryland.html Check out your own: http://www.citypopulation.de/index.html For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. And this puts my whole life into perspective. ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ I’m not `pressed by someone trying to pull my strings and see how they can make me jump. You can go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on motherfucker. Or you can take a fuckin’ chill-pill, calm the fuck down and let’s learn about each other without the manipulation. It’s that simple. Simplify...the word was clear last week, now it is crystal. words from the Dude: Fuck that prick! And you can quote me on that. When I see how someone comes off and treats someone I love like a piece of shit it makes me want to reach up their ass and pull their tongue out so at least someone will tongue the bung! `Cause with attitude like that he is asking to be alone for the rest of his life. It might go hidden for a while but it will always resurface at one point! WAH-HA-HA!!! My Dude sooo knows how to make me laugh: 'tongue the bung!' hahahahaha!! holla@me
Good Advice:
The Specials - Enjoy Yourself Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink The years go by, as quickly as you wink Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think Hello, I'm Terry, and I'm going to enjoy myself first It's good to be wise when you're young 'Cos you can only be young but the once Enjoy yourself and have lots of fun So glad and live life longer than you've ever done Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink The years go by, as quickly as you wink Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think Never right, yes I know Get wisdom, knowledge and understanding These three, were given free by the maker Go to school, learn the rules, don't be no faker It's not wise for you to be a foot stool Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink The years go by, as quickly as you wink Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink The years go by, as quickly as you wink Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think holla@me
Chuck, thanks so much for turnin' me on to Maroon 5. They da Bomb!
If Only You Could See - Tonic; Lemon Parade Remedy - Jason Mraz; Waiting for My Rocket to Come I wanted to go to a movie. I can go to see The Aviator again tonight, but I'm torn `cause In Good Company is playing tomorrow. I'll have to go during the day and I'm not sure if or where In Good Company is playing. Besides, a couple of my shows are on tonight and I got a Netflix movie to keep me occupied. Brat you act like a child Belligerent and spoiled. Unless you behave And do as you're told I will not do what I feel is entitled. To paddle that ass Your hard dick Between my thighs Encased in stockings of silk. Taking that well is important For the next step... Endurance How much can you take? Can you surpass my expectations? ~~A.C.Smith Yeah, I'm going to move my smut to another `blog. holla@me
I can't make up my mind for the picture at hot or not. My Dude took quite a few of me and i asked him to rate them for me. He picked a top 5. I put his #1 up for almost 2 days. #2 is extremely suggestive, so I haven't gotten up the nerve yet. #3 is on right now; whew, makes me blush. *ummm..am I being a bad girl?*
What if I told you that Dude's not even hard in that pic...damn, my man got a nice `print! holla@me
HNG's suck balls!
cat (09:53 AM) : do you like sex?? Girl withe Curls (12:25 PM) : i do cat (12:28 PM) : are you married?? Girl withe Curls (12:29 PM) : yes cat (12:30 PM) : how many children?? Girl withe Curls (12:30 PM) : 2...why do you want to know? cat (12:33 PM) : do you like sex?? Girl withe Curls (12:33 PM) : you already asked that. i'm losing patience with you cat (12:34 PM) : which sex do you like?? Girl withe Curls (12:34 PM) : great sex cat (12:34 PM) : anal ?? Girl withe Curls (12:36 PM) : possibly. what about you? do you like being on the receiving end? Asshole got quiet after that question. *evil grin* holla@me
ambercyn's Daily Taurus forecast
Quickie: Could you be coming on too strong? Let them come to you next time. Overview: Sweet words and fine foods are your specialty, and that's no accident. You're an expert at creating ambience. Your companion(s) will be treated to music, gourmet meals and the best of everything in all other categories. Lucky them! I'm so irritated with myself! I went to the pharmacy to pick up an owed `script. The male who waited on me before was there and was handling me today. He is so handsome; glasses, big blue eyes, sandy brown hair, full, gorgeous, kissable lips, fabulous, long-bridged nose. I was going to tell him that he was really attractive...then I lost my nerve. The first time he took care of me, he held my gazes, and I his, longer than the usual. Same this time and I had resolved that if I did see him I would tell him and I just couldn't. I'm a pussy! I don't like that! I wasn't going to tell him as a pick-up, but because I wanted him to know that I specifically thought he was. And of course, if I think you are, then it is the gospel truth! lol sike y'all! holla@me Denial Don't you see the torture I have to endure? Torturing myself with denial. So selfish, Thinking only of what you dream You aren't the only one Control is a game of wills Respect is only an illusion. But it is the key to My chastity. I feel you trying to Invade my mind. Knocking around Like a bull In a crystal shop. Deeper, harder Oh yeah Baby Longer. How much you want to show me Your dick's tricks. I thought No one knew you When they used you? ~~A.C.Smith
WALKING IN MY SHOES – Depeche Mode; Songs of Faith and Devotion
I would tell you about the things They put me through The pain I’ve been subjected to But the Lord Himself would blush The countless feasts laid at my feet Forbidden fruits for me to eat But I think your pulse would start to rush Now I’m not looking for absolution Forgiveness for the things I do But before you come to any conclusions Try walking in my shoes Try walking in my shoes You’ll stumble in my footsteps Keep the same appointments I kept If you try walking in my shoes If you try walking in my shoes Morality would frown upon Decency look down upon The scapegoat Fate’s made of me But I promise now, my judge and jurors My intentions could not've been purer My case is easy to see I’m not looking for a clearer conscience Peace of mind after what I’ve been through And before we talk of repentance Try walking in my shoes Try walking in my shoes You’ll stumble in my footsteps Keep the same appointments I kept If you try walking in my shoes If you try walking in my shoes Try walking in my shoes Now I’m not looking for absolution Forgiveness for the things I do But before you come to any conclusions Try walking in my shoes Try walking in my shoes You’ll stumble in my footsteps Keep the same appointments I kept If you try walking in my shoes Now I’m not looking for absolution Forgiveness for the things I do But before you come to any conclusions Try walking in my shoes Try walking in my shoes You’ll stumble in my footsteps Keep the same appointments I kept If you try walking in my shoes You'll stumble in my footsteps Keep the same appointments I kept If you try walking in my shoes Try walking in my shoes If you try walking in my shoes Try walking in my shoes Condemnation – Depeche Mode; Songs of Faith and Devotion Condemnation Tried Here on the stand With the book in my hand And truth on my side Accusations Lies Hand me my sentence I'll show no repentance I'll suffer with pride If for honesty You want apologies I don't sympathize If for kindness You substitute blindness Please open your eyes Condemnation Why Because my duty Was always to beauty And that was my crime Feel elation High To know I can trust this Fix of injustice Time after time If you see purity As immaturity Well it's no surprise If for kindness You substitute blindness Please open your eyes holla@me Monday, December 27, 2004
Hey Amber! How have you been doing? Well, I hope... Hummm...Do you remember a young lady named Gwen? I met you both, on day, under that tree (with no leaves :) in the Poly/Western Quad. I seem to remember you having the nick-name of "Sherb" (because you're hair smelled really nice..like Orange "Sherb"ert...). Thanks for getting back to me! I know this e-mail was out of the wide Blue ("Who is this guy?!").
Wow, this man found me at Classmates.com. I barely remember, I knew a lot of people my 4 years at Western. Gwen I do remember. That's cool. I don't remember ever having the nick sherb, but I can't say that wasn't so. I have a lot of names to a lot of different people. Bitch - Meredith Brooks I hate the world today You're so good to me I know but I can't change Tried to tell you But you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath Innocent and sweet Yesterday I cried Must have been relieved to see The softer side I can understand how you'd be so confused I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything All rolled into one [Chorus:] I'm a bitch, I'm a lover I'm a child, I'm a mother I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between You know you wouldn't want it any other way So take me as I am This may mean You'll have to be a stronger man Rest assured that When I start to make you nervous And I'm going to extremes Tomorrow I will change And today won't mean a thing [Chorus] Just when you think, you got me figured out The season's already changing I think it's cool, you do what you do And don't try to save me I'm a bitch, I'm a lover I'm a child, I'm a mother I'm a sinner, I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your hell, I'm your dream I'm nothing in between You know you wouldn't want it any other way I'm a bitch, I'm a tease I'm a goddess on my knees When you hurt, when you suffer I'm your angel undercover I've been numb, I'm revived Can't say I'm not alive You know I wouldn't want it any other way holla@me
I'm all alone in the house! What can I get myself into? `Cause it's always raining in my head. Dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, nap, have to go to the library, watch movies, reading...speaking of which, I recommend Blinking with Fists; poems by Billy Corgan - beautiful, striking
found a new word that I had NO IDEA existed: pulchritudinous Tread Water - De La Soul; 3 Feet High And Rising... Epiphany - Staind; Break The Cycle Fade - Staind; Break The Cycle KEEP ON MOVIN - Soul II Soul; Keep On Moving KEEP ON MOVIN, DON’T STOP LIKE THE HANDS OF TIME CLICK CLOCK, FIND YOUR OWN WAY TO STAY THE TIME WILL COME ONE DAY WHY DO PEOPLE CHOOSE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES, THIS WAY? KEEP ON MOVING KEEP ON MOVING DON’T STOP NO KEEP ON MOVING (X2) IT’S OUR TIME, TIME TODAY THE RIGHT TIME IS HERE TO STAY STAY IN MY LIFE, MY LIFE ALWAYS YELLOW IS THE COLOUR OF SUNRAYS I HIDE MYSELF FROM NO ONE I KNOW THE TIME WILL SURELY COME WHEN YOU’LL BE IN MY LIFE, MY LIFE ALWAYS YELLOW IS THE COLOUR OF SUNRAYS KEEP ON MOVING DON’T STOP KEEP ON MOVING (BACKGROUND VOCALS) LIKE THE HANDS OF TIME CLICK CLOCK KEEP ON MOVING DON’T STOP NO (BACKGROUND VOCALS) FIND YOUR OWN WAY TO STAY KEEP ON MOVING (BACKGROUND VOCALS) THE TIME WILL COME ONE DAY (ALL) THEME HARMONY X2 I KNOW THE TIME, TIME TODAY WALKING ALONE IN MY OWN WAY EXTREMELY COLD AND RAINY DAYS FRIENDS AND I HAVE FUN ALONG THE WAY, YES WE DO I HIDE MYSELF FROM NO ONE I KNOW THE TIME WILL SURELY COME WHEN YOU’LL BE IN MY LIFE, MY LIFE ALWAYS YELLOW IS THE COLOUR OF SUNRAYS I HIDE MYSELF FROM NO ONE I KNOW THE TIME WILL REALLY COME WHEN YOU’LL BE IN MY LIFE, MY LIFE ALWAYS YELLOW IS THE COLOUR OF SUNRAYS holla@me
B-, Thanks so much for the great Holiday weekend. I love you Dude.
"Sunday Morning" - Maroon 5; Songs About Jane Sunday morning rain is falling Steal some covers share some skin Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable You twist to fit the mold that I am in But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew That someday it would lead me back to you That someday it would lead me back to you That may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave Fingers trace your every outline Paint a picture with my hands Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm Change the weather still together when it ends That may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning And I never want to leave But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you Singing someday it'll bring me back to you Find a way to bring myself back home to you And you may not know That may be all I need In darkness she is all I see Come and rest your bones with me Driving slow on Sunday morning holla@me
I'm just putting this out there. I want to be able to see if my thoughts, the reality and the horoscopes are true. I have no idea what this means or how to interpret. Fuck, I'm going to have to 'just wait and see.' I hate that. I have two songs that will not vacate my head:
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5 Walking After You - Foo Fighters ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Everyone has doubts sometimes, but that's no reason to stop moving forward. Overview: Once again, you're in the mood to rendezvous with someone who's secretive, dangerous and oozing intrigue from every pore. Bet you can find appropriate company, and that they won't mind keeping quiet for a little while. Taurus Daily extended (by Astrology.com)The green-eyed monster strikes today. Are you going to let it take over? Your feelings of envy may be directed at a lover who seems to be having too much fun outside your presence, at a friend who receives some very good news or at a coworker who is showered with recognition that you feel is undeserved. Showing anger, attempting to control people or engaging in any other negative actions may temporarily mask your feelings, but sooner or later you'll have to face your own vulnerability. The sooner you do it, the sooner you'll feel a sense of relief (AOL Horoscopes)The most obvious differences between your fantasies and reality now can be very annoying -- even to the point of distraction. You may know what you want, but desires are surfacing from the depths of your subconscious and you may not be able to ignore them. You might not be able to integrate them into your current circumstances either. Today, you might just have to live with the contradictions. Leo Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Now is not the time for superficial judgments and snap decisions. Whatever situation you're facing deserves very careful consideration and a thorough check with your intuition. Taking what appears to be the path of least resistance could find you trudging up a steep, rocky hill in the very near future. Look to your interests and be aware of what others could stand to gain (AOL)However self-assured you usually are, that clarity seems to be slipping away as if someone had coated it with an industrial lubricant. It's not the right time to waste energy trying to hold onto a greased watermelon. Accept the fact that you do not have as much control as you assumed. With this realization under your belt, you'll actually be able to loosen the reins and enjoy yourself. Pisces Daily extended (by Astrology.com)Has your heart been bruised recently? You're feeling so sensitive that the slightest emotional prod could cause a big lump to form in your throat or send you running out of the room in tears. The unwitting agent of your distress may need as much consolation as you do. They will be shocked that their innocuous remark elicited such a reaction. You definitely need some solitary time to sort through your thoughts and feelings (AOL)Your key planet, imaginative Neptune, is being supported now by Mercury the Messenger and Venus, the Lover. Attractions and desires seem logical, but it may be difficult for you to keep your fantasies out of the real world. On one hand, this can bring about a creative burst of energy. It can also bring a magical fascination into your love life. But, on the other hand, you'll need to watch for possible traps, especially if you don't inform others about the difference between your dreams and what's real. holla@me
Hope took me to see The Aviator last night. Thank you girl! It was a great time. That movie truly was awesome. I loved it!
The Aviator has haunted me since I've seen it, leaving a tattoo of its intensity in my mind. Lush scenery. Stellar performances. Brilliantly directed. It won't be fair if Scorcese doesn't get some recognition for this. I can't see how Leonardo DiCaprio couldn't. His beautiful, tortured performance burned me. I was never in L.D.'s corner. I saw Romeo and Juliet and thought he did a wonderful job. People were calling him Little River Phoenix. Then River Phoenix, my favorite actor, died and I hated hearing it. L.D. couldn't hold a candle to R.P. So I've been watching him as one studies an insect. But it can't be denied by me any longer. The man is a genius in his craft! Now that I've come to the realization I'm going to give completely into it. Ooh I feel so liberated. I want to see The Aviator again. So, when we got to The Regal Cinema, it was packed with people. Thankfully, not many rude. We got drinks, a huge tub of popcorn and free Peanut M&M's. I think popcorn is soso. My metabolism is kicking back into gear and so I wasn't hungry and even though it was real butter, fresh popped, it was nasty-greasy. Hope dug into her popcorn; I had a little bit. Then she wanted her M&M's. She tried opening them and couldn't. She gave them to me to open. I already had greasy fingers, but the M&M's packaging is difficult to open. There is a fine balance of pressure that the bag will withstand before it... I'm getting ahead of myself. So I couldn't open it. We joked about being some arthritic bitches and then I told her to give the bag back. She made one last attempt. "Give it up," I said to her. I walked over to the closest group to us: a four-pack of males. I asked, "Can you open this up for me please?" The guys chuckled and they looked up at me as the one closest took it. I smiled at him saying thank you. He thought a little bit of pulling would do it, then realized it would be more of a challenge. He looked up at me and I smiled saying sheepishly, "I know." The next pull of the bag, it split, some of the candy spilling to the floor musically rolling down to the front of the theather. That smart man, his hands encircled the bag and froze there. Looking a little sheepish himself, he shyly said, "Sorry." I crouched down, my face lower than his, my hands cupped under his hands and, with a half-smile, looked up at him, "No really. Thank you for just opening it." Hope's expression was classic! I could hear her behind me gasp and chuckle some during the interaction. However, when I turned around, facing her to sit down, her jaw was slightly dropped, smiling and shaking her head. {Oh the girl has never seen my ass in action! We haven't gone out except at Glenda's b-day party last year. And my clumsy ass spilling several beers on Glenda. I felt like such an idiot! The birthday girl and what happens? ME! I'm still sorry about that shit. That was the FIRST thing I did that evening. I decided I could feel and act like a heel all night, or I could buy a round, and just enjoy the night. That was a wild night for me even though I was designated driver and I had no drink. Hope was wrapped up in her business. Actually, everyone that I came in with were kind of wrapped up. I had to distance myself because I didn't want to fuck-up one of the few nights I could go out. It was so much fun to be...free.} holla@me Sunday, December 26, 2004
I was using AIM to chat with some family and a couple of friends. I don't like it. It's boring. Since I've come from using ICQ and mIRC, that AOL shit is tired. Yahoo was all right. MSN Messenger is...*shrug* I've always been against AOL anyways...fuckin' corporate piece of shit. Just like I'm still kickin' myself for buying ANOTHER PC; I wanted an iMac.
So I've removed sucky AIM and MSN. Never downloaded Yahoo to the new PC. Not like anyone has been tryin' to holler at me, but if you want interesting conversation...if you know where to look, you'll find me at ICQ. holla@me
Goddamn! Can you tell where my mind has been? Hell, not just my mind! I could tell you where I been but I'm trying to keep this at least an R rated Blog! ahaha Actually, I've been finding my old erotica works and getting geared up to start another Blog somewhere. Maybe I should keep it private?
YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG -AC/DC; Back in Black She was a fast machine She kept her motor clean She was the best damn woman I had ever seen She had the sightless eyes Telling me no lies Knockin' me out with those American thighs Taking more than her share Had me fighting for air She told me to come but I was already there 'Cause the walls start shaking The earth was quaking My mind was aching And we were makin it and you - CHORUS: Shook me all night long Yeah you shook me all night long Working double time On the seduction line She was one of a kind, she's just mine all mine Wanted no applause Just another course Made a meal out of me and come back for more Had to cool me down To take another round Now I'm back in the ring to take another swing 'Cause the walls were shaking The earth was quaking My mind was aching And we were makin it and you - CHORUS And knocked me out and then you Shook me all night long You had me shakin' and you Shook me all night long Yeah you shook me Well you took me You really took me and you Shook me all night long Ooooh you Shook me all night long Yeah, yeah, you Shook me all night long Your really took me and you Yeah you shook me, yeah you shook me All night long holla@me
Those of you who know me like this...know I am a Pimpess when it comes to that/any/all ass! Male, Female, It, is all good! Don't have a big tasty ass in the club with me around. I always ask but I gotta smack it. I haven't been told no yet. Luscious
BABY GOT BACK – Sir Mix-A-Lot [Intro] Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt. It is so big. *scoff* She looks like, one of those rap guys' girlfriends. But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff* They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean, her butt, is just so big. *scoff* I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ... black! [Sir Mix-a-Lot] I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung, wanna pull out your tongue 'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin You say you wanna get in my Benz? Well, use me, use me 'Cause you ain't that average groupy I've seen them dancin' The hell with romancin' She's sweat, wet, Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette I'm tired of magazines Sayin' flat butts are the thing Take the average black man and ask him that She gotta pack much back So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!) Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!) Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!) Shake that healthy butt! Baby got back! (LA face with Oakland booty) Baby got back! [Sir Mix-a-Lot] I like 'em round, and big And when I'm throwin' a gig I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal Now here's my scandal I wanna get you home And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh I ain't talkin' bout Playboy 'Cause silicone parts are made for toys I want 'em real thick and juicy So find that juicy double Mix-a-Lot's in trouble Beggin' for a piece of that bubble So I'm lookin' at rock videos Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes You can have them bimbos I'll keep my women like Flo Jo A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya I won't cuss or hit ya But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck* Til the break of dawn Baby got it goin' on A lot of simps won't like this song 'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it And I'd rather stay and play 'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong And I'm down to get the friction on So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah} If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!} Then turn around! Stick it out! Even white boys got to shout Baby got back! Baby got back! Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3". [Sir Mix-a-Lot] So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda My anaconda don't want none Unless you've got buns, hun You can do side bends or sit-ups, But please don't lose that butt Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role And tell you that the butt ain't gold So they toss it and leave it And I pull up quick to retrieve it So Cosmo says you're fat Well I ain't down with that! 'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin' And I'm thinkin' bout stickin' To the beanpole dames in the magazines: You ain't it, Miss Thing! Give me a sista, I can't resist her Red beans and rice didn't miss her Some knucklehead tried to dis 'Cause his girls are on my list He had game but he chose to hit 'em And I pull up quick to get wit 'em So ladies, if the butt is round, And you want a triple X throw down, Dial 1-900-MIXALOT And kick them nasty thoughts Baby got back! (Little in the middle but she got much back) [4x] holla@me ASLEEP – The Smiths; Louder Than Bombs
Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep I'm tired and I I want to go to bed Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep And then leave me alone Don't try to wake me in the morning 'Cause I will be gone Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep I don't want to wake up On my own anymore Sing to me Sing to me I don't want to wake up On my own anymore Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go There is another world There is a better world Oh, there must be… THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME CLOSER I GET - Morrissey The more you ignore me
The closer I get You’re wasting your time The more you ignore me The closer I get You’re wasting your time I will be In the bar With my head On the bar I am now A central part Of your mind’s landscape Whether you care Or do not Yeah, I’ve made up your mind The more you ignore me The closer I get You’re wasting your time The more you ignore me The closer I get You’re wasting your time Beware ! I bear more grudges Than lonely high court judges When you sleep I will creep Into your thoughts Like a bad debt That you can’t pay Take the easy way And give in Yeah, and let me in Oh, let me in Oh let me ... Oh, let me in It’s war It’s war It’s war It’s war It’s war War War War War Oh, let me in Ah, the closer I get Ah, you’re asking for it Ah, the closer I get Ooh, the closer I ... HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW - The Smiths; Louder Than Bombs
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows I’m miserable now I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I’m miserable now In my life why do I give valuable time to people who don’t care if I live or die ? Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I’m miserable now I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I’m miserable now In my life oh, why do I give valuable time to people who don’t care if I live or die ? What she asked of me at the end of the day Caligula would have blushed "You’ve been in the house too long" she said And I naturally fled In my life shy do I smile at people who I’d much rather kick in the eye ? I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour But heaven knows I’m miserable now "Oh, you’ve been in the house too long" she said and I naturally fled In my life Oh, why do I give valuable time To people who don't care if I live or die? Yummmm egg drop soup! These songs, as do all the songs/lyrics I put here, have much meaning for me right now on different layers regarding specific situations for different reasons. LOVE The Smiths and Morrissey. holla@me
OOh, oooh! B- and I made Lasagna for Christmas dinner; what a team we are! Three different kinds: ground beef, sausage and Barilla's Puttanesca sauce and sausage. I told everyone the Puttanesca was mine...but of course I shared. My mom actually liked the Puttanesca. Parmesan-Garlic bread.
We had the sweets out everywhere. Berger cookies. B-, I, Bren and Guin made Dark Chocolate Fudge cupcakes with Dark Chocolate Fudge frosting and sprinkles. Apple pie...yum! The kids got awesome gifts! Games! We got good stuff too. I got a 3 month pass to a fitness place. Excited about that because I can work on the equipment that I could never have in my home (unless I had a Bowflex) to tone my ass, thighs, hips, back and triceps. Get started into a routine again. Oh that would be wonderful! The need to eat has finally left my body and my mind has gone back to eating only when hungry. So much to be thankful for right now. Still some other pesky problems lurking around us right now though. holla@me
ok, let me amend what I typed earlier...
I don't feel my horoscope is completely fucked. As I have decided to NOT let my Grinchy-ness to take over completely, I thought of the ones that I love and care about. Why wouldn't I take a more loving route and "hear/feel" a person out. My friend Aley and I weren't talkin' for a bit. It hurt. I stated it to some but not to her. Because see, I am extremely aware of a person controlling- (the power to influence people's behavior or the course of events; the restriction of an activity, tendency or phenomenon; a device by which a machine (or person*muah-hahahaha*) is regulated; v. have control or command of; (control for) take into account (an extraneous factor that might affect the results of an experiment) and manipulating- (handle or control with dexterity; examine an object or part of the body by feeling or moving part of the body; control or influence cleverly or unscrupulously) a situation;to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage;alter or present (data) so as to mislead) me and others. I am a Witness. It is how it is. In order to accomplish our goals, for good or ill, we must maneuver, finesse, beguile, exploit, direct, engineer, and manage (I love the thesaurus) the people, places, and things, in our environment. It is how it is. When I sense someone stepping over my boundaries, i give back to them what they do. I learned that lesson from someone...she did it a little vindictively (in my most humble opinion *wink*), and I got the message. And if it were a different life, maybe one where we were in the same state, and she allowed it...(oh damn, never mind. boy is my mind wandering). The said person, gets what they give to me. If they're nice, I'm nice. Some have thought I was too nice and didn't think I could Domme... jeez, why is this on my mind tonight!? Ok, I need to write about this... Aley and I settled our issues and got it back in such a way that I even asked her to handle something for me. I gave her a hat I knew she loved for Christmas. And I think I bought it for her. We were all (Aley, my sis, Bren and Guin) at the Towson festival and it was so much fun! I got that and a Braddock screen-print shirt of Morrissey. B- and I loved that shirt to pieces. *smile* She also said she really needed a hug. She knows who to come to. *yippie-yippie* She loves B- and my hugs. The feeling is absolutely mutual. Hugs are an outstanding, tactile tangible, warm, obvious way of showing the positive, support, care, comfort, love, friendship, etc. I can tell when it isn't reciprocated. And I know some people that associate touch, including hugs and back scratches, with sex. Now these are sensuous* acts that can have a sensual* meaning; they are comfortable and feel really good. That is why they are fun. but that doesn't mean yaddayaddayadda. So I asked her what was up with us? And she said she didn't know and then rephrased that to 'Nothing, it's not you." I think that she realized that she backed the wrong people, got burned, and is moving back to where she knows she's loved. She's still got her "things" going on, but I can't fault a person for making a mistake. We had a Fuck You Moment that lasted a few moons. She's seemed to have gotten over the fact that I know and was talking to a person that she despises. I didn't tell her my news on that person...she doesn't need to know everything; her control issue is what our issue was about. So yay on that! My sister is coming into town I think. I sent my mother an e-mail about how I felt about that but she changed her e-addy and never gave it to me for 4 months. She tried to step on my boundaries a couple of times. Christmas shopping for the kids...I'll expound later. Bren being able to play his game at her house while they spent the night. Even though she KNOWS, as I have made it crystal clear, that he has the privilege of playing video games of any kind, including the PC and games on DVD bonus disks. I explained directly that would show a huge lack in consistency and that is exactly what my genius of a son is looking for every moment. That is why he loves Grandma and Pappap's house. But the boy loves it here too. He's been so affectionate lately and I love it! Guin of course, is always affectionate. She was born that way. She gave me mastitis because she loved to be close to her Mama. My mother-in-law and step-father-in-law felt the need to bring up that we weren't just friends for almost 2 years before we decided to be The Dude and his woman. I looked at them and stated for the record, "I'm confused. Why do you keep saying that even when we tell you how it was?" I wonder, why do they refuse to accept that? We both had cars, were very mobile and able. I was engaged when I met B- and he was going with this girl. I broke up with my X, got a fuck buddy (NOT B-) and played the field for a bit to see what was out there. I had it going so damn fine. Then I mentioned my thinking of running an escort of one (myself) and Dude couldn't believe it. He was going out with other people. We were best friends and we had it so damn fine. *laughin' my ass off* Oh God that was a helluva time! Ok, enough of that for right now. So's they kept implying that we couldn't have just been friends all that time. That is so controlling! I fuckin' loath that behavior from all of them. It makes it hard to be nice. Recommend reading: Controlling People; If You Had Controlling Parents; Toxic Parents; Emotional Blackmail. I have had my boundaries trampled on since a child. I had to learn where boundaries are acceptably made, when they are trampled, when I trample them, what limits others have. I can go overboard but I don't want to. I know how I felt to have a person fuck around with me. That doesn't keep friends. It's frustrating and humiliating; feel always on your guard. Anything like that needs to be consensual! Safe, Sane, Consensual = Power Exchange (B-'s been talkin' about wanting to get into that! woo-hoo) Don't come throwin' your baggage up in my space and try to make me wear them with you. I have family that treat me like dat; why do I need you? I try to use my abilities for good. I try really hard to be fair and open to discussion, especially if it is a critical issue that I have. That's because I love my friends and I don't want to hurt them. And everybody has the right to be listened to and cared for and paid attention to. And I so enjoy doing that; serving, pleasing, titillating, gratifying and amusing the people I love. voluptuous *Usage sensual The words sensual and sensuous are frequently used interchangeably to mean 'gratifying the senses', especially in a sexual sense. This goes against a traditional distinction, by which senuous is the more neutral term, meaning 'relating to the senses rather than the intellect'. Evidense suggests that the 'neutual' use of sensuous is rare in modern English; if a netrual use is intended it is advisable to use alternative wording. - Concise Oxford English Dictionary/2002 I think it is a shame that the linguistic use and ability of the English language is slipping into oblivion. We are now using smaller words with less syllables and smaller, less accurate intent. I think that when we were children, our vocabulary was limited. One has to thirst for knowledge, seek it, find it and use it. And people should want to learn rather than feel inferior. I'll ask if I don't know. You can look down on me and think I'm stupid for it. You don't have to worry about me being around you if you are that way. Life's too fuckin' short to be around that bullshit. And if I do that to you; call me on it. But expect a conversation; there is always a different perspective and I'll want to hash it out and find ways to change it. I've just been playing with colors and everything...no cohesion at all. holla@me Saturday, December 25, 2004
Merry Christmas; FUCK this Horoscope!
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: Sometimes you have to confront something directly in order to get past it. Overview: The good feelings this season brings will be even better for you. An intimate companion (or someone you've been dying to cross that bridge with) will let you know that they'd like to get even closer to you. Talk about merry! Daily extended (by Astrology.com)You don't mean to waste your own time or anyone else's, but you're having a very difficult time making up your mind about what you want to do next. You may find yourself taking long, aimless walks, or spending long periods of time standing still while contemplating your next move. The best thing you can do is get off to one side and let everyone else who's in a rush go by you. Luckily, you should be much more decisive tomorrow -- maybe you should save your most important tasks for then. holla@me
I SWEAR I did not send this to Abigail!
DEAR ABBY: From the time that my father left -- I was 8 -- until I was thrown out of the house at 16, my mother was seriously emotionally abusive and neglectful. She frequently called me filthy names, made bizarre accusations that had no basis in truth, told me I was a "mistake," threatened me, publicly humiliated and belittled me. I am now in my mid-20s and have had no contact with my mother for three years. My older brother is in denial about the abuse and insists that I forgive her and rebuild our relationship. He claims that she's sorry and she misses me. I recently traveled back to my hometown and visited my mother. She treated me as though I were a stranger. Afterward, I felt that I could move on, knowing I had done the right thing in deciding to cut her out of my life. Now the rest of the family has turned their backs on me. I would like to maintain a personal relationship with them, but they think I'm a bad person for no longer having a relationship with my mother. Do you have any advice? -- LEFT IN THE COLD IN DULUTH DEAR LEFT IN THE COLD: Only this: If the price of having a relationship with your family is tolerating their emotional blackmail and more abuse from your mother, the price is too high. holla@me
Listening to WTMD this lovely Christmas day. The DJ, John Laur, explained that instead of Christmas cards, he mixes a music CD and gives them to as many people and friends, etc. as he can. I sent him an email. I had to tell him that was so HOT.
My queen, she told me that my type of person is quirky, strange... Such adjectives that I find a little offensive in the fact that I am much more complex as to just like quirky, awkward, gawky, nerdy, geeky, dorky, extremely intelligent (well, that is true)... And she thinks my attraction to noses is a little weird! That isn't fair! People say eyes, smile, blah, blah, blah. I like it all, but I like noses; they are important to a person's face. It's in the CENTER! But it's not like I put a parameter on "the perfect nose." I like most of them, they are the character to a face. ok ok, i need to stop. i seem like im obsessing *chuckle* My decision to just enjoy what I see and feel for the season is working so well. I love every moment right now and I wonder why I forgot myself. I have to remember that each day doesn't necessarily bring something new. So pay attention and look for joy in the things that are all around. Merry Holiday Y'all. holla@me Friday, December 24, 2004
oh boo hoo. people aren't too crazy about my pic. i love my eyes so i don't care. That was our E nite. it was cool.
holla@me
Merry Christmas Eve Y'all!
I stand by a man that has known me for almost 14 years and who WANTS to stay with me and love me and give me everything I want. I’m not taking that for granted. It is knowledge that makes me know I am totally supporting and giving my love to the right man. I want to give him everything too! I adore him and worship him in ways anyone would want to come home to. I know I can be a pain. I’m not perfect. Neither is he. We never said as much. But we have stated that through thick and thin, we want to be there for each other. We started this long strange trip as co-workers, leading to friends for almost 3 years to lovers, husband & wife, parents and the friendship/lovers part is still going and growing. This is something that is going to last whatever form it lasts in. I love that! I feel secure in that. We may not be legally wed forever and ever but we are bound by the heart, mind and soul. There is nothing stronger than that. I stand with my queen that has known me for 13 years who I love and who loves me. Our friendship started with her hitting me on the head that we were supposed to be friends. She was right and thank goodness she clunked me or I would have been lopsided for the rest of this life. I have a few friends that have known me for 20+ years and still we talk. They have seen most all of my changes from childhood to adulthood as have I with them. It’s not quite like Dinner at an Italian Restaurant, but it is what it is. Oh my children. Tearing up just thinking about them. They make me happy because they are such wonderful people. When they're adults, they will be so...unstoppable. I'm blessed. They chose to be our children. I just don't know what to say. They fill me with so much happiness and joy and even pride. Not because "I" did that, but because they are who they are. I'm proud to know them; lucky. I wish I could come up with the words that I feel when I look and think on them, but I don't know if any exist that describes all the good. I could sing it, but it wouldn't be words. I need to remember what makes me happy. What I am thankful for. What matters. What has made my life better. It is important for me to do that because I've been down. It's the Holiday's and while there is no money to be had, there is still one thing that has a soul cost: Love. I love to love people. I love to serve and give my "lovers" what they want. I go through this life with that in my heart. My Dude gets worried for me because of it. He sees the aftermath and feels that I should close myself to the world. I don't want to be stingy with something I feel so full of. That is my Christmas wish; for people to love each other. I know sappy and stupid and whatever negative things can be said about it. But it's important. I think that is what is missing. Trying to fill that emptiness with material possessions. Does it work? Trying to find how much love you can get from a person before you have to shell it out too. You get a couple of freebies from the one's willing to give but they will never fill you. You have to feel it for yourself. You can learn or you can leech it away. But one thing I've learned about Love is that it never is completely empty; it can be filled. Seeing what you have. Seeing what is beautiful around you. Loving the feeling of water on your skin. Being alive. Noticing the good. It's out there. It's in you. It exists. Matter can neither be made nor destroyed. Same goes with Love. holla@me Thursday, December 23, 2004
This is one of those horoscopes that give me the fuckits.
ambercyn's Daily Taurus Forecast Quickie: The waves don't have to capsize you. Ride the currents until the storm dies down. Overview: After days of wearing your heart on your sleeve, it's time for a break in the action. Suddenly, your focus will turn to other things -- like what's valuable to you. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you really want. You have a lot of good energy surrounding you right now. Look for things to happen that you've wished for or only seen in your dreams until now. Your intense nature attracts all kinds of excitement to your doorstep. You won't be able to accomplish anything if you don't take a chance. Step outside and show everybody how it's done. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You might not be able to make complete sense out of what is happening. Your logical mind is hard at work attempting to take all the diverse facts of the situation and put them together into a simple pattern. But they won't fit. Although it may feel somewhat uncomfortable, just let it be. For now, you need to live with the uncertainty of complexity. Things will simplify on their own accord when the time is right. holla@me
THIS NIGHT HAS OPENED MY EYES - The Smiths
In a river the colour of leadImmerse the baby’s headWrap her up in the news of the worldDump her on a doorstep, girlThis night has opened my eyesAnd I will never sleep againYou kicked and cried like a bullied childA grown man of twenty-fiveOh, he said he’d cure your illsBut he didn’t and he never willOh, save your lifeBecause you’ve only got oneThe dream has goneBut the baby is real Oh, you did a good thing She could have been a poetOr, she could have been a fool Oh, you did a bad thing And I’m not happyAnd I’m not sad A shoeless child on a swingReminds you of your own againShe took away your troublesOh, but then againShe left painSo, please save your lifeBecause you’ve only got oneThe dream has goneBut the baby is realOh, you did a good thing She could have been a poetOr, she could have been a foolOh, you did a bad thing And I’m not happyAnd I’m not sadOh ...And I’m not happyAnd I’m not sadOh ...And I’m not happyAnd I’m not sad THERE IS A LIGHT AND IT NEVER GOES OUT - The Smiths
Take me out tonight Where there’s music and there’s people And they’re young and alive Driving in your car I never never want to go home Because I haven’t got one Anymore Take me out tonight Because I want to see people and i Want to see life Driving in your car Oh, please don’t drop me home Because it’s not my home, it’s their Home, and I’m welcome no more And if a double-decker bus Crashes into us To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die And if a ten-ton truck Kills the both of us To die by your side Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine Take me out tonight Take me anywhere, I don’t care I don’t care, I don’t care And in the darkened underpass I thought oh god, my chance has come at last (but then a strange fear gripped me and I Just couldn’t ask) Take me out tonight Oh, take me anywhere, I don’t care I don’t care, I don’t care Driving in your car I never never want to go home Because I haven’t got one, da ... Oh, I haven’t got one And if a double-decker bus Crashes into us To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die And if a ten-ton truck Kills the both of us To die by your side Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine Oh, there is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out holla@me
Have I mentioned how much I love Oscar Wilde's works? This line caught my eye...
"the face was saturnine and swarthy, and the sensual lips...twisted with disdain"- Oscar Wilde holla@me
Oh! OH! My Dude, while with me in a procedure room last week, saw the People Magazine with Jude Law as the sexiest man in 2004.
Dude looked at Jude and said, "Wow." He was surprised how many similarities they have. Of course My Dude looks better, but it is astonishing. Even the hair color. Now, I don't know if Mr. Law comes from a bottle, but I know that with My Dude it is all natural. So it is possible. Same blue...green...blue-green...green-blue eyes. My Dude has a more sculpted nose. Both could be clothing models with their physiques. It made me happy for a couple of hours, being in a doctor's office and dealing with shit about me. Baby, thank you so much for being with me through it. I needed you. I know, always and forever, I'm with a man who takes care of his woman real good. Thank you. I love you. You are wonderful, beautiful and brilliant! holla@me
We went and saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. We all thought it was great. Again, as I love to hear, the kids stated that the books are better! One thing I wish they would have continued, since "Lemony Snicket" (played by Jude Law) was narrating, was the use and explanation of "BIG WORDS." The books are excellent, but they did a really good job with combining 3 books into 1 movie.
One thing I cannot stand though is non-reading adult reviewers and certainly non-children's-books-reading adult reviewers have stated that "if you like Harry Potter..." I have a couple statements for that: LEMONY SNICKET'S SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS IS NOTHING LIKE HARRY POTTER SERIES! First off, there are THREE children whose parent were murdered; The setting is NOT Britian but the US; The children are NOT witches, wizards nor do they have any magical abilities; NO ONE is saving these kids from a terrible man and his cronies except THEMSELVES and their supreme thirst for knowledge, the retention and application of said knowledge. I love both series very, very much. That is why I wanted my kids to read them. That is why I read children's books, besides my own enjoyment. I hate to think of either of them being tainted by someone's ignorant suggestions. My friend asked me once how I am able to just shut off one issue and just not think on it until I want. It is somewhat easy. It is something I read that men do. They have a “file drawer” system in their minds and when something is done, like work, promo dinner, play, etc. they close the file and sometimes, lock it. I have a friend right now that is testing my friendship. I do not like being tested unless I know about it and I’m going to get something out of it. Unless we’ve come to a mutual testing agreement, I will buck the system and send a motherfucker on their merry way. I don’t have time for being tested as a good friend or not. I know that I am a good friend to a lot of people. Others, not so much. I won’t give too many excuses, but I feel that it is a lack of -communication, -directness and -expressing one’s wants that causes a friendship to go flat. As I have learned this for myself, I see if it’s necessary to add it into continuing and do add to any new relationships that arise. When I come across a person that isn’t where I’m at, I step gingerly, see if they may be open to how I do it and go from there. Right now, I think this person, who is a Grinch is trying to know there is someone out there that he has made feel as he does. Besides wanting to just cut ties altogether, I want to see if this is something he will work on without me. He can be as shitty as he wants, but he’d better hang out with people that know him like that. That is no way to win me over. Maybe he wants me to end the friendship. Like I said before, two weeks apart and we’re not off to a good start. I’m getting ready to simplify. In another setting and circumstance in which I have given and received, something like this would not be rewarded with interactive conversation at all. There would be a significant amount of prostrate positioning that may be painful but in no way would the Brat get what the Brat wanted...love, touch, words. It is like a child that will take positive or negative attention just to get any type of attention. Disengaging seems to be the only solution. Spanking is absolutely out. I feel the satisfaction I would get out of disciplining would be the Brat's cup of tea as well. No. You get's nothing. I even think my calendar is getting booked on 12/28. It may be after the New Year that I have time. holla@me
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
First I was afraid I was petrified Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong I grew strong I learned how to carry on and so you're back from outer space I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face I should have changed my stupid lock I should have made you leave your key If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me Go on now go walk out the door just turn around now you're not welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye you think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die Oh no, not I I will survive as long as I know how to love I know I will stay alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give and I'll survive I will survive It took all the strength I had not to fall apart kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart and I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself I used to cry Now I hold my head up high and you see me somebody new I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you and so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me Go on now go walk out the door just turn around now you're not welcome anymore weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye you think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die Oh no, not I I will survive as long as i know how to love I know I will stay alive I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give and I'll survive I will survive Oh, Go-on now go Walk out the door Just turn around now You're not welcome anymore Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with goodbye... I love this song! It is also fitting in perfectly with my sarcastic humor that I feel is appropos for the situation. Let me go, she said, let me go, she said let me go and... holla@me Friday, December 17, 2004
New Song - Howard Jones; Human's Lib
I've been waiting for so long To come here now and sing this song Don't be fooled by what you see Don't be fooled by what you hear This is a song to all of my friends They take the challenge to their hearts Challenging preconceived ideas Saying goodbye to longstanding fears Don't crack up, bend your brain, see both sides Throw off your mental chains I don't wanna be hip and cool I don't wanna play by the rules Not under the thumb of a cynical few Or laden down by the doom crew Don't crack up, bend your brain, see both sides Throw off your mental chains I want to thank my friends and family that are supporting me. It's the holidays; times are tough; people have their own things to do and they're helping me with meals (thanx Hope & Bill), with love and care (Baris, Dani, Brendon, Guinevere, Mom, Dad, my doctors, other family) and concern (everyone mentioned and Allison). God Bless you all, and thank you so much. It's been a little difficult and with me Anti-Christmas right now, I needed to see others in the spirit. As for the song above; you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you. Hahaha. You're right! holla@me Tuesday, December 14, 2004
On Sunday we went to my nephews 6th birthday party. Oh my goodness is he one of the most beautiful children I've seen. Gorgeous! I don't see him as often as I'd like. As soon as he saw me, he gave me a huge smile and jumped on me! I love that boy. D-'s jaw dropped seeing how much my kiddies have grown. They're her nephew and niece too. I'm a firm believer that if your own family isn't much of a family, you have to make your own. That is what she and I have done. The party was at a bowling alley and the kids have decided that they love to bowl. Funny, must be genetic, B- and I always went to Rock-n-Bowl when we first started getting to know each other. We're thinking maybe we should make that a family thing. Rock-n-Bowl every Friday. It's Stay-up Day anyway, so that could work. I'm excited if that is something we can do. Guin has started Girl Scouts. Bren wants to start Boy Scouts. I have to look into that.
For you, my two loves. Thank you for being there for me these past few days. I really needed you both. And the "fun" isn't over yet...damn it. FOLLOW YOU, FOLLOW ME – Genesis; …And Then There Were Three… Stay with me, My love I hope you’ll always be Right here by my side if ever I need you Oh my love In your arms, I feel so safe and so secure Everyday is such a perfect day to spend Alone with you I will follow you will you follow me All the days and nights that we know will be I will stay with you will you stay with me Just one single tear in each passing year With the dark, Oh I see so very clearly now All my fears are drifting by me so slowly now Fading away I can say The night is long but you are here Close at hand, oh I’m better for the smile you give And while I live I will follow you will you follow me All the days and nights that we know will be I will stay with you will you stay with me Just one single tear in each passing year there will be I will follow you will you follow me All the days and nights that we know will be I will stay with you will you stay with me Just one single tear in each passing year... I'm tired and have gotten some shocking news. I'm exhausted and drained and I just don't have the energy to be cheery for the holidays eventhough I will be expected to by superficial people. Fuck them, fuck it, fuck you! Perfect mood for the fuckin' Holidays. I'm done with Christmas. It's so commercialized and people don't really have 'Holiday spirit' anyway. Bah-fucking-humbug! It's just marketing at the stores and on the television. Television, The Drug Of The Nation - Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy One nation under God has turned into one nation under the influence of one drug [chorus:] Television, the drug of the Nation Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation (2x) T.V., it satellite links our United States of Unconsciousness Apathetic therapeutic and extremely addictive The methadone metronome pumping out 150 channels 24 hours a day you can flip through all of them and still there's nothing worth watching T.V. is the reason why less than 10 per cent of our Nation reads books daily Why most people think Central Amerika means Kansas Socialism means unamerican and Apartheid is a new headache remedy absorbed in it's world it's so hard to find us It shapes our mind the most maybe the mother of our Nation should remind us that we're sitting too close to... [Chorus:] Television, the drug of the Nation Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation (2x) T.V. is the stomping ground for political candidates Where bears in the woods are chased by Grecian Formula'd bald eagles T.V. is mechanized politic's remote control over the masses co-sponsored by environmentally safe gases watch for the PBS special It's the perpetuation of the two party system where image takes precedence over wisdom Where sound bite politics are served to the fastfood culture Where straight teeth in your mouth are more important than the words that come out of it Race baiting is the way to get selected Willie Horton or Will he not get elected on... [Chorus:] Television, the drug of the Nation Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation (2x) T.V., is it the reflector or the director ? Does it imitate us or do we imitate it because a child watches 1500 murders before he's twelve years old and we wonder why we've created a Jason generation that learns to laugh rather than to abhor the horror T.V. is the place where armchair generals and quarterbacks can experience first hand the excitement of warfare as the theme song is sung in the background Sugar sweet sitcoms that leave us with a bad actor taste while pop stars metamorphosize into soda pop stars You saw the video You heard the soundtrack Well now go buy the soft drink Well, the onla cola that I support would be a union C.O.L.A.(Cost Of Living Allowance) On television [Chorus:] Television, the drug of the Nation Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation (2x) Back again, 'New and improved' We return to our irregularly programmed schedule hidden cleverly between heavy breasted beer and car commercials CNNESPNABCTNT but mostly B.S. Where oxymoronic language like 'virtually spotless', 'fresh frozen' 'light yet filling' and 'military intelligence' have become standard T.V. is the place where phrases are redefined like 'recession' to 'necessary downturn' 'Crude oil' on a beach to 'mousse' 'Civilian death' to 'collateral damages' and being killed by your own Army is now called 'friendly fire' T.V. is the place where the pursuit of happiness has become the pursuit of trivia Where toothpaste and cars have become sex objects Where imagination is sucked out of children by a cathode ray nipple T.V. is the only wet nurse that would create a cripple [Chorus:] Television, the drug of the Nation Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation My horoscope for today. It's the cheeriest bullshit I've had in 2 days. This current dilemma? Ask a friend. They've probably been through this very thing. Your empathy is off the charts right now, so you'll be seeing yourself as others see you and acquiring some deep intuitions about where to go from here. A deeper understanding of a close friend is going to emerge today. You always thought you knew this person, but it turns out there was a lot more going on than you ever would have guessed. Your already sensual nature is even more lethal at the moment, so if you're out and about, be careful where you toss one of those simmering glances. Charm oozes from your every pore. Easy, now. (What-the fuck-ever!) holla@me |
