Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Thursday, May 01, 2003
Good times for a change See, the luck I've had would make a good man turn bad So please, please, please Let me, let me, let me let me, get what I want this time Haven't had a dream in a long time See, the life I've had would make a good man bad So for once in my life let me get what i want Lord knows it would be the first time Lord knows it would be the first time I became a "The Smiths" fan in 1992...YEARS after they were hot on the scene in the 80's. I think that they're music is a timeless classic. I'm so happy that my dude introduced me to the music. That song fits what is going on with my loved-ones and myself. Tomorrow my bestest-friend, my Queen, most likely my Artemis, will officially divorce. I am so happy. I know, divorce is a misfortune, however, she never should have saddled herself with this person. I tried to talk her out of it as gently as I could. She was determined because her father was dying of cancer and she wanted him to be proud of her and see that she had her life "together." She is precious to me. I hate to think of her hurt or making a mistake that will have her feeling bad about herself. I love her. I cherish every moment I can be with her. She has a son. Yes, by her soon to be X. Her having her "budda-man" is not a mistake. I was estatic that she was going to have her beautiful baby. She was too. Still is! Her X tried to make her feel bad about her decision; told her that she would be a bad mother. I could have cursed him for it. I rushed to her house and held her tight. Then we went shopping for maternity clothes.That just shows that he knew nothing about her hopes, dreams and goals. The worst part of this was he didn't want to know even after she forgave him and tried to make a life with him. There is nothing in the world she wanted more than to have a child. He tried to turn it to shit. I was there at the wedding. Of course, I was her matron of honor. I gave a wedding toast that made everyone there cry. I only wish for my Queen's happiness. Her X treated me crappy because I saw him with his pants down. Instead of giving her the love, respect and devotion that she deserved, he dropped the ball. I begged her not to do bind herself to him. I told her that she would never truly forgive him because he touched a nerve and he never should have. He spoke ill of her on a very deep level; her personality, her ability to care for and love on a maternal level. Queen told me she would try to forgive. I told her that I would never forgive him for her! I never treated X badly. It wasn't my place. He tried to keep us apart. And, for about 3 years he did. Out of those years I saw Queen and her little man about 6-10 times. Thank goodness for phones! Our conversations would be for hours and we wouldn't even know it until our voices were hoarse and we looked at our respective clocks. I'm going to be in court for the dissolution of their bond. Queen has already made our plans! We're going to Columbia and going to toast to LIFE. And we don't care if it's 10am! I'm also still trying to get better and still, I have a couple doctors that are uncomprehending it. It takes a long time to find a doctor that is willing to work to figure out how I can get well. It's frustrating. I have one doctor in particular that is condescending about my situation. She seems not to believe my pain exists. I feel as though she thinks I'm trying to get "a free ride." It is so easy to feel helpless in this type of situation. But I can't do that. I'm not at all suicidal! But I do have a whole family and household that is very much relying on my wellbeing. I need help. I need to believe that it won't always be this way. I need to find a couple of doctors that have my best interests in mind. I've told my dude that I am so sorry about this. I mean, he didn't sign on for this! I feel so guilty. He wants me to feel secure. He tells me all the time how much he loves me. That he wants to take care of me. He hates seeing me hurt. My quality of life has changed. OUR quality of life has changed. Please, please please, let me get what I want. holla@me I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows I'm miserable now I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now In my life why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now In my life why do I give valuable time to people whoe don't care if I live or die What she asked of me at the end of the day Caligula would have blushed "You've been in the house too long" she said and I naturally fled In my life why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye I was happy in the haze of a druncken hour but heaven knows I'm miserable now "You've been in the house too long" she said and I naturally fled In my life why do I give valuable time to people who dont care if I live or die holla@me |
