Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire __One Percent - 1%__ Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never.



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I snagged this site from someone I knew...Zodiac

This is actually the closest description of me in Zodiac I've seen. But they left out the BITCH that I definitely can be when I feel threatened or just if I'm in that kinda mood. *chuckle*

Amber Cyn is deeply sensual. Her senses of touch, smell and sight are highly refined. And as for her taste? It's impeccable. Amber is extremely discriminating - when she sees the best, she won't ever settle for anything less. She would rather 'go without' than go for a poor substitute. But then that's Amber all over. It really isn't fair to call her 'stubborn as a mule.' Mules are adaptable, easy going creatures who are always eager to please - or at least, they are by comparison to Amber Cyn. Unfortunately, for a person with such expensive preferences Amber is not a millionaire ...or at least, not yet. You never know, it may just happen because Ambers' relationship with money is very interesting. She treats it with a curious mixture of disdain and respect. She never lets it stand in her way, yet she will go out of her way to get it when she needs to. Amber is a smart cookie and a shrewd operator. It is not though, merely in the field of finance that Amber Cyn displays intuitive wisdom.
Amber has an affinity with nature. She can make almost any plant flower and bear fruit. This is just as well because Amber has a hearty appetite. She likes her food as indeed she likes all her creature comforts. Fond though she is of all the above - and of all life's little luxuries - there is one more source of endless fascination that Amber cannot resist. Amber doesn't so much have a hearty appetite for sensual pleasure as a ravenous hunger for it! Which is funny really because you wouldn't necessarily think it to look at her. Amber likes to play it cool. Amber likes to pretend that nothing bothers her, fazes her or excites her. Like all Taureans though, Amber Cyn is a powerhouse of passion, as those who are lucky enough to know her - or to love her - will breathlessly testify.

And part of me is wondering if my father-in-law (who told B- not to date, then not to live with, then not to get pregnant or marry me, but calls me a "smart cookie" all the time! *giggle*
During Xmas dinner at our new house, B-'s dad actually said, "B-, remember what I told you a long time ago....keep this one." B- chuckled and said, "No you didn't Dad. Don't you remember what you said?"
I just giggled behind B-.
B-'s mom finally realized that B- and I are a good couple. She's been niggardly with her compliments of he and I. She asked my mom, "They really do make a good couple don't they?" My mom replied, "Yes. They've already spent 11 years together. They're going to be a "Lifer" couple."
Now, B-'s mom is being very nice to me. B- snorted and said to me, "Just because she's acting and being nice doesn't mean that she isn't going to do or say something ignorant in the near future!"
That made me giggle too.
B- loves his folks. But they always say things when he isn't around...things that are rude and hurtful. He's protecting me, and I'm glad. The way I've been feeling for these past 10 months, I don't really have the energy to do anything but be stunned.

The neurologist that I went to called last night. He feels with the symptoms that I wrote and faxed to him, I have a rheumatoid disorder. He thinks Fibromyalgia. I did a search on it. I don't want to be in pain for the rest of my life, but if that's how it is, then that is it. I just want a final diagnosis as to why I feel like this still. I feel once I know what's it is, that I can move on with my life.

How I feel and Symptoms:

I am in constant pain in the cervical, thoracic and lumbar areas from the time I wake up until I can finally get to sleep. It is impossible to sleep without the aid of medication. I am constantly fatigued, even after getting as full a night’s sleep as I can. Reading, writing, walking, and lifting anything over 5 – 10 pounds is painful immediately, increasing as I continue these activities. Sometimes resulting in several days of bed rest. Running, jumping, playing tag or getting on the floor and “wrestling” with my kids (ages 7 & 5) are completely out of the question. I vary my activities of “rest” (sitting, standing, lying down) to relieve the pain I feel. I haven’t had a pain free day since 3/1/2002. My normal lifestyle and being ½ partner in our household has diminished.

Sitting or standing at “rest” I have tingling pain in neck and trapezius and achy pain in my low back that also feels like there is a lot of pressure. Burning, aching, pinching pain in between the shoulder blades, radiating about 6 inches down. After 30 minutes to an hour the pain described above increases and I get aching and shooting pain in my low back that radiates upward with sharp stabbing pain in my left, sometimes right hip. The toes on my left foot spasm. The feeling of pressure in my low back increases as well. The same symptoms apply while I am walking but I get swelling, numbness and tingling in my feet and toes. When my left foot lands on the floor, there is sharp tingling, shooting pain in the heel going up the leg about mid-calf.

While sleeping, I have to vary my positions from back, either side because I have tingling pain in neck and trapezius and achy pain in my low back that also feels like there is a lot of pressure and burning pain in between the shoulder blades, radiating about 6 inches down. After 30 minutes to an hour the pain described above increases and I get aching and shooting pain in my low back that radiates upward with sharp stabbing pain in my left, sometimes right hip. The feeling of pressure in my low back increases as well. If I sleep on my stomach, my low back hurts and feels disjointed with sharp shooting pain if I shift. I have noticed that my left leg spasms from the hip and the toes spasm. One is not exclusive of the other.

Writing or working on the PC for 10 – 30 minutes, I get a headache (sometimes lasting days afterward) and tingling, throbbing pain in the neck and trapezius. Also, burning, aching, pinching pain that spreads above and between the shoulder blades and to about 6 inches down that turns into numbness and tingling with the burning, pinching pain. I get an aching shooting pain in my low back that radiates upward and to my left hip occasionally the right hip. The toes on my left foot spasm. Again, I feel pressure in my low back. Eventually the pain becomes sharp stabbing, throbbing pain. I get numbness, tingling and swelling in hands and fingers. I usually have to lie down for an hour or so afterward.

Raising my arms to my sides and raising them above my head, I get numbness and tingling in my arms, hands and fingers. There is shooting pain as I do a full neck roll. I feel a tugging sensation as I turn my neck to the left, right, forward and back with achy pain. I have an achy, sometimes shooting pain in my left shoulder when moving back and forth or rotating my arm. I have an achy pain in both knees when bending or climbing stairs. I am always trying to “crack” my back to get the spine to go back into place. While doing this my breastbone pops loudly enough that people around me can hear it. When breathing, there are cracks and pops around the ribs. I feel sharp pains as it feels like the ribs are “popping” back into place. I haven’t had sex with my husband since the accident. We have tried in different positions but it is painful. My hips, low back, mid back and neck hurt and the next day, was a bad pain day. I have loss of concentration resulting in difficulty completing tasks. I am also depressed. I lose my balance easily and the difference in equilibrium has caused dizziness and falls.
holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 09:37