Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Monday, March 18, 2002
I sometimes see peoples eyes. Some want the truth. Many want lies. A few wish to see an answer. To what? To anything that they see that they know is their self-destruction. It's frustrating. Because I see the longing...to be understood yet at the same time, they try to hide what they perceive as a flaw when it is only the answer they need. To complete themselves. To stop covering the needs that we all have but on different degrees of extremity. Control. Power. Love. Desire. Sleep. Food. Understanding. It's there. I know it is because I see it too. They have their own answer. Deep down they know the answer. They want to hate someone that points it out. To accept without accepting.
It is not a flaw to embrace what one needs. The flaw is in hiding it from yourself. Anyways...lotsa stuff has been going on with me and my family. My Grandpa died in February. Completely unexpected. He didn't suffer. That was good. My kids were his only great-grandkids. I miss him. I got rear-ended March 1st. My back is messed up and I'm in a lot of pain. I just went on short-term disability. I've been trying to manage pain and the terrible conditions of the "new" place I work. And then our landlord called us and stated that she wants to foreclose on the house that we're in, so we have to be out by May. That's no biggie. I had a 6 month plan to pay all our debts and to house search. So plans changed by about 4 months. I can't stand this house anyways. We found a house that we absolutely love! It's huge! It's a big huge house with 9 foot ceilings. We put a contract on it...hope to find out today if it's been accepted or what the counter offer is from the sellers. We're excited and so hopeful. We wanted this to be a family affair. The kids have looked with us at all the houses and we were all in agreement for this...so we shall see. Lookin' for a new job or to move from where I am to another place within the company. I've had offers from a couple of corp.s that like my customer service experience. I'm not crazy about the hours. Of course I want to continue to work part time and only Monday thru Thursday or thru Friday. With all of the things going on right now in my life, the most stressful is working in a place that is falling apart. I could go into the story, but I don't feel like typing negative shit right now. I'm trying to stay positive for my health and for our new adventure in life...getting a house! I'm generally happy right now. Being on short-term dis helps alot, `cause I don't have to think or worry about the crappy office situation I'm in. The opportunities are out there, I just have to pay attention and focus. I was supposed to take my test at Tae Kwon Do to get my next belt...the accident prevented that. I can't do anything. I can't work out any more right now either. It's depressing me and very frustrating. I was planning on my body sculpting and TKD routines to be in place by now, but I have to put it on hold. I have to keep myself motivated so that when I can get back to it, I'm ready and psyched for it. I'll get back to it. I want to so much, I know I will. The kids are doing great! Bren is doing so well with home schooling. The school that they "may" be going to when we move is excellent. I may still homeschool Bren for a couple more years. He's very intelligent and a fast learner. There are some people that can't get used to that AND all the energy that he has. He pays attention to several things at the same time...I know it's possible, some don't. He doesn't need the aggravation of no movement or singing while he works and teachers don't need the aggravation of having to complain. Not all teachers would, but I can't risk him thinking he's not smart or a well-behaved person. We don't think a child shouldn't move to be good. So, there's been more goin' on but I can't remember. Maybe now with me being home for at least 2 weeks I can put a coupla posts here. My poor Neopets *sigh* holla@me |
