Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire __One Percent - 1%__ Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never.



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Even with a three day weekend, it's never enough!

Having the School Modify for my Son
Our son Brendon has been an amazing child. He started walking at 10months...needless to say, he's done a lot of things early. He taught himself to sound out words and read little words and sentences at 2, reading older kids books at 4 and is reading and sounding out real well at his current age 6. He's great with math and is a little sponge, trying to sort and figure things out.
Our boy DOES have ADHD as far as "psychological definition" goes. I was diagnosed when I was a kid as Hyperactive/Hyper Kinetic (now called ADHD). I don't look at that as a problem. I'm not concerned that my kid bursts into song or covers/uncovers his ears quickly to have different hearing perceptions or blinking and looking around the room to see differently. I roll with it because kids are kids and he WILL grow out of it. It's not hurting anyone. If he does these things when it's not convenient, we just say, "Bren, now isn't the time for that." Simple.
Sure if we tell him to do something, he doesn't always register it or do it right away. It's simple to have him make eye contact, ask if he heard and then if he doesn't do it, remind him by asking, "Bren, what did I just ask you to do?"
We try to challenge him with new sights and sounds and surroundings. He loves it. We love to show him the new experiences.
If he has a hard time focusing, we look to see what he IS focusing on and eliminate it smile. We have taught, and of course, still are teaching him responsibility and consequences for his actions and behavior. Not all at the same time and not the things he will grow out of (i.e. dancing, singing, sound effects) but more so human awareness: compassion, understanding, empathy, concern, common sense...life learning that is important to interaction in relationships.
Ok...
Bren is in 1st grade. I was going to home teach but his kindergarten experience was FABULOUS. I thought that if there would be any time that I would have to fight the school system, it would be his first year. Not so. His current teacher has a split class of 1st and 2nd graders which Brendon's K. teacher recommended him in because she saw how smart and capable of learning he was/is and felt that he would be able to take from that environment.
First, the teacher started pinning notes to Brendon. I quickly solved that by telling her that it embarrassed him and all she need do it put notes in his book bag. She wasn't happy, and I thought that odd.
We had a conference with his 1st grade teacher. She sees he's very bright, but his "behaviors" prevent him from learning to his potential. His teacher doesn't think that Bren understands her or comprehends what is going on in his surroundings at school. Even though Bren has completed his Dolch sight words to 3rd grade and he is in a special spelling word group (that she informed us none of the other 1st graders are doing), she believes that Brendon is only memorizing his words, not that he sounds them out and knows their definitions. This is of course after explaining to Bren their meanings and working with him on his homework.
She told us that despite his reading level that he doesn't comprehend what he reads. I told her that simply wasn't true and maybe Bren was tired of the testing and didn't want to do it anymore.
Then she went into Brendon's "behaviors." Have we noticed any of these things at home? She's concerned because he could hurt himself and possibly mean that there is something else wrong with him.
1.Closing his left eye and wiggling a pencil near his right eye. (he could poke out his eye)
2.Blinking and looking around the room. (maybe he's having seizures)
3.Making Noises (1st graders don't do that)
4.Getting out of his seat (this is disruptive)
5.Paying attention to other things besides her lesson
6.Talking out in class
7.Not finishing assignments (she says refusing to complete them)
8.Doesn't pay attention to his surroundings
9.Handwriting terrible (that can be a mental defect that he can't press hard enough on the paper)
10.Forgetful with directions
11.Doesn't give eye contact when talking to him
12.Isn't organized - can't pack his book bag (she flat out refused to pack or teach him to pack it)
13.Playing with scissors, looking at them with his right eye while left eye closed (she was "still" thinking about taking them away from him)

We told her of course Bren has done these things at home...he has ADHD and no they weren't concerns and there is an explanation for most.
-Brendon makes noises because of the video games he plays as well as music he likes. I still do that.
-Brendon needs to be reminded with doing things.
-Brendon's handwriting is bad with a pencil because he's used to writing with a pen. And we only gave him printer paper to write/color/draw with...no lines.
-Brendon has always had his book bag packed for him...in Kindergarten. We didn't know he was expected to pack his bag himself at school, so we never taught him.
-NO! Brendon is not having Petit-Mal seizures and if she knew what they were, she'd know that the subject experiencing them doesn't move their head around trying to look at things while their eyes open and close because they are unaware they are even having a seizure! (that really ticked us off! grrr)
-And we laughed a little bit and said that if Bren hurt himself with safety scissors (no sharp points), he'd only do it once. (Yeah, we know probably an inappropriate comment, but after hearing all the negative about our boy with very little positives and most of them are just because he has an active imagination...we had to laugh at something!)All she need do is tell him not to play with his scissors because he could hurt himself and he won't. (She then rescinded and stated that he had never played with his scissors that way again.)
-I told her I didn't find ANY of these things a concern, or a "safety issue". We gave them some pointers: if he starts to do things other that what she told him, ask him what he should be doing. We were promptly told that she doesn't want to do this.

We think that his teacher has a hard time looking past his "behaviors" and THIS prevents her from teaching him to his potential. It's not that we want to label our child either, but it's easier to go by what is "out there" than to try to explain that he's gifted. They believe he's very smart from what his K. teacher says. But we don't feel that our opinion or observations of our own child is being listened to or taken into consideration...yet.

We're now thinking of home teaching again. We first want to give them information from the borntoexplore site and Classroom Modification (a lot of which were suggestions that we gave that maybe if she sees that we aren't just trying to be overly permissive parents, she may implement), but is this worth trying? We don't want our child stifled (and he does have a younger sister that doesn't have ADHD and is just as bright, but as all children, in different ways *grin*) because of a biased teacher/school system that wants children to all act the same way...not leaving any room to "look outside the box."

Maybe I'm just posting this because I need to vent. But I need help, other options. How can I get this teacher to look at his positives more and the things that he can't really change overnight with less criticisms? Can I do this? I don't want to sacrifice my kid to "educate" a system that while they say they want to work with him, at least one doesn't...and that is the one that is the most important right now?
Help? Advice? Tell me I’m a nutty parent? Whatever…just give me some feedback.
Thanks
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Jan U.- Homeschool Is the Way to Go
Hi,
I am in a hurry, but you will find lots of helpful info on my web page:

Positively ADD: Parenting & Unschooling
http://www.mindspring.com/~jupton/jan1.html

Also, check out www.hslda.org and join their org, as in IL there have been lots of recent cases of illegal efforts to stomp down on homeschoolers.

You are not nuts! You just happen to have a highly intelligent, active kid--Join the "club."

Cheers,
Jan U.


Tami
This sounds so familiar! Since you just want imput- here's mine. In my experience public school was not the place for a kid who thinks differently than the majority. They expect "good little soldiers", but I guess you're finding that out. My son had some very good teachers who could see his abilities and appreciate them. They supplied positive reinforcement and were usually rewarded with cooperation. Those years he was pretty happy in school. There were other years that the teachers just "didn't get him". These times were rough for him. First, they were quick to use negative inforcement, so he was always just waiting for something to happen. Their attitdes were really affecting everything, his work, his creativity, and more mportantly his sense of accompolisment and self esteem. If he could have gone through school with his 2nd or 4th grade teachers, it would've been a breeze.His 4th grade teacher said to me " the rule is you only get 1 paper, but when he says he can't find it, I know it would be like finding a needle in a haystack in his desk, so I just hand him another one, problem solved." In 5th grade, same problem but the teachers answer is " he needs to be ready for junior high, so we can't make exceptions, besides by now he shouldn't have such a problem with organization".
I'm rambling, but the point I'm trying to get at is, I don't think the teachers for the most part have the time or inclination to see or work with individual differances. Another thing that really bothers me is , in our public school they talk about honoring diversity and accepting differances, but when it comes down to actually doing something to honourand accept they just won't do it. They talk the talk, but don't walk the walk if ya know what I mean.
We finally gave up the fight and found a private school that really does honor diversity, and emphasizes positive reinforcement. It's been the best move we ever made. After 5th grade, we just couldn't send him back to face the wolves. Sounds harsh, but that's really what it felt like, and we're his parents, it's our job to look out for his best interest, and future success. They were more interested in thier own goal of making sure everyone fit into thier 'one size fits all' round holes.
Anyway, at the lower grade levels I think the teacher makes all the differance. Young kids can't always put into words how the attitudes around them are affecting them. By 5th grade , our son was telling us that his teachers had "bad attitudes" or "attitude problems", and we couldn't disagree with him, but even though he could verbalize it and understand it, thier attitudes were still a great influence on him, and it wasn't for the better.
I think if you can just find a good teacher you're ok!


Tracy- Schooling
Hi
What you have written rings very true, we to have had similiar problems last year with my 8yo. His teacher was very negative and by mid semester we had some real problems. We ask for him to be moved to another class.
But this was refused saying our son had to learn to except the situation. By the end of the school year he was suspended for refusing to leave the class over and incident with another child in which he says he didnt do. We decided to try a new school together with home schooling this is working very well his academic levels are excellent and he is excelling in areas that he was struggling in. All l can say is get him out of the negativety it will do more harm than good. Are you able to change classes, or find another school? We have found home schooling combined with a new school has work well the teachers involved with our son.
Hope you can find what suits your son dont give in.


Sabine - Schooling
I am having the same problem with my son's teacher. Daniel had no problems in first grade because the teacher gave him something harder when he saw Daniel had no problems, If Daniel was unconcentrated they agreed to find an area in the classroom where he could work quietly. It worked. This year all I get is Daniel doesn't want to listen, etc. I unfortunately don't have the allowance to home-school my child so I am looking into other schools where he will be encouraged instead of put down all the time. Definately do something whether you change classes or home-school him because although we have food intolerences and Daniel is no longer hyperactive at home, School is a torture for him and he really hates it. Hes great on weekends and during vacations but is extremely moody during the week, starting from the point he comes home and has to do homework. We have tried all kinds of meetings, even with the doctor and the therapist and the teacher but nothing has changed. The teacher is obviously only seeing behavior and no academic responses. Our teacher says Daniel can do so well when he can concentrate but yet it takes her 20 minutes to quiet down the class to begin. If you have the opportunity to home-school definately do it. The atmosphere where your child is in now will be long term extremely harmful as I have found out with mine.


Trisha- I hope you don't mind...
I copied your posting and based it on to a few family and friends. We found some of the things you wrote of humorous, especially anyone that knows our son. I home school and good experience or not, I was not going to take a risk management approach to his first years in education.

I really, really got a charge out of the pencil and holding hand over eye thing. I mean, this is the stereotypical little boy syndrome in a boring class or having a boring moment in class and finding something, ANYTHING, to be interested in. Besides, in fifth grade they told us to do that experiment to find our blind spot between near and far sightedness... go figure maybe you got a little Einstein there.

I have nightmares at my house about scizzors. Mostly because someone is always leaving the adult ones out. Luckily no one has lost eyelashes, ears, nosis, appendages or suffered puncture wounds and has only practiced cutting mostly on paper although I did suffer one Christmas. I bought one of those tape dispensers that have a band around your wrist. Roger nicely cut up the band and left the plastic dispenser. Now, let me tell you... that was a real treat to purchase that gizmo and I forefitted other things. It was the shock and horror that he "discovered" how sharp his scizzors really are. I didn't find it as humorous as I do now.

I personally think home schooling is the most natural and positive thing you can do for your child, provided you feel you can do it or at least try it. Kids expect to learn from us and even have it preconceived notion all their lives. It isn't until the back-to-school marketing and mandatory institutionalization of our children at age 5 comes into play that generally they become aware of anything different. I make exception to the daycare driven populace those kids perceive as always being taught by somone else quickly and find the opposite as strange because Mom and Dad are only "there" at designated times.

I think your child is whitty and smart. I think this teacher is obnoxiously evil in the face of compassion to a child his age. I think if I did choose and had to live through this situation I would have someone's head on a platter.

I wish someone would ban these teachers from making these diagnosis. The problem is, that is part of the community effort and protocol to administering drug intervention and getting a diagnosis. The shouldn't say see your doctor... but, see the teacher she knows everything just ask her.


brenda - Boy does that sound like my son
we are going through the same thing with our 7 year
old. we thought grade 2 would be a better year and
here we go again.


I mentioned to the Assistant Principal that B- and I are already looking at moving Bren to a school that teaches using the Montessori Method (An Introduction to Montessori Philosophy & Practice: Age 3 - 12+ Years). I told her that we feel the Public School System only teach structure and rigidity to children more so than Math, Reading, Writing, Science, etc. We don't believe that any child, but especially Bren's personality type (similar to my personality type) should have to learn under confinement. That prevents learning and stifles emotional growth.

The Asst. Principal was sorry to hear that (I do like her, although I think she tries too hard and backing-up faulty staff) and said that in the meantime , they wanted to work with him until he goes...and then asked if we would approve an Intelligence Assessment. We aren't sure if we want this school system, that doesn't work for kids as much as they expect kids to work for them, to do any assessment. Montessori schools do their own assessment on prospective students. *Sigh* Just another obstacle. We don't want Bren to be stifled in learning...or he may not be interested in learning ever again. We don't want any harm done to his self-esteem...that is Our job to do. *grin* We want Bren to be able to learn uninhibited with other peoples "moral" standards and judgements...he will have a lifetime to be involved and work on that.

Anyways, it's no big deal, it can be easily remedied. I'm glad we never came into this thinking that kids and looking out for their welfare would be easy. After having nothing but a hard time myself in public schools (put in remedial reading at school and walking home afterward reading Stephen King and Dean R. Koontz novels), I try to look at it objectively, but also know it's a numbers game.
{It took a while for me to get out of the pigeon hole that I was shoved into by the system...first with my CAT tests scoring in the 12th grade+ level for reading and writing; 8th grade for math...while in 3rd & 4th grade. I was finally placed in GATE (gifted and talented education, blahblahblah). Junior Honor Society, partial scholarships, acceptance into a college preparatory high school, Honor Society, Awards for writing, etc., yak yak yak}...I know that my son has the same trials and tribulations ahead of him. I just want him (and Guin) to know upfront that he is smart. He is capable and that he can do anything academically that other kids do...maybe (probably, as the ego in me rises) better than the other kids do.

Here I go, sounding like the proud, protective MaMa. You're DAMN right! My kids have an excellent temperment. They are wonderful and B- and I sit back amazed that we were given these gifts. Gentle, sweet, kind, intelligent, observant, empathic and considerate...we have been blessed and we know it. We certainly couldn't have done this good of a job by ourselves (although it would be nice to take the credit)! It can only be a blessing.
holla@me posted by MobiusRazor at 11:43