Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Friday, October 26, 2001
Ex-Factor - Lauryn Hill, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
It could all be so simple/ But you'd rather make it hard/ Loving you is like a battle/ And we both end up with scars Tell me, who I have to be/ To get some reciprocity/ No one loves you more than me/ And no one ever will Is this just a silly game/ That forces you to act this way/ Forces you to scream my name/ Then pretend that you can't stay Tell me, who I have to be/ To get some reciprocity/ No one loves you more than me/ And no one ever will No matter how I think we grow/ You always seem to let me know/ It ain't workin'/ It ain't workin' And when I try to walk away/ You'd hurt yourself to make me stay/ This is crazy/ This is crazy I keep letting you back in/ How can I explain myself/ As painful as this thing has been/ I just can't be with no one else See I know what we gotta do/ You let go and I'll let go too/ `Cause no one's hurt me more than you/ And no one ever will No matter how I think we grow/ You always seem to let me know/ It ain't workin'/ It ain't workin' And when I try to walk away/ You'd hurt yourself to make me stay/ This is crazy/ This is crazy Care for me, care for me I know you care for me There for me, there for me Said you'd be there for me Cry for me, cry for me You'd say you'd die for me Give to me, give to me Why won't you live for me Where were you, when I needed you? holla@me Friday, October 05, 2001
I took this test...i'm sure anyone reading it that has experienced my "simplification mode" wouldn't believe it (but there are only like 4 or 5 people I've HAD to do that to.), however, it is pretty close to me. Sometimes these little tests generalize to tailor to the masses, not always for the individual.
A- The Emotional IQ Test Thanks for taking our new Emotional IQ test! Based on your answers, your score is 142. What does that mean? Well, the Emotional IQ (or "EIQ") test measures several different areas of emotional skills and strength, including: • Empathy — The ability to successfully put yourself in other people's shoes and understand their feelings, thoughts, and emotions • Relationship Understanding — The ability to connect with others personally and professionally, which can help you solve even the most difficult disagreements • Emotional Control — The ability to be in charge of your feelings, no matter how strong they are, and not let them run away with you or dominate your behavior • Emotional Awareness — The ability to identify your emotions and put them into words so you can more easily express your feelings Based on your sky-high score across the board, we can tell that you're not only incredibly in tune with others, but could also win the gold if they gave medals for keeping the right perspective on life. You know all about balancing your emotional needs with everyone else's, and you have a true talent for navigating the sometimes-tricky tangle of relationships. As you obviously know, emotions are complicated things. Luckily, you've already realized how important it is to be a good friend and lover to others while still paying close attention to the bigger picture and taking care of yourself. If the scales ever start to slip, just remind yourself of this: Offering someone a shoulder to cry on is great; worrying yourself into a tizzy every time someone you care about hits a rough patch isn't. If you wear yourself out fretting about other people, you won't have any time left for yourself. And we all have the right to treat ourselves right and be selfish with our feelings now and then. The road to emotional health and well-being can be bumpy, but for people like you — who make it a point to strive for balance and move at a relatively even pace — the bumps will barely be noticeable. And you, you're in the driver's seat — so keep up the good work! holla@me
Brendon is a 1st grader...he's very smart and a very quick learner, when it's something that HE wants to do. His kindergarten teacher recognized how bright he is and how helpful and energetic he is....very energetic! When i was a kid, i was diagnosed as being hyper-kinetic/hyper-active...what my interist says is what is called ADHD, yeah yeah, we've all heard about what it is in the news and all but i don't think it's a bad thing. One never "grows out" off ADD (the H part you do...as all kids do), one manages it by learning organization and setting limits, goals and the like to accomplish their tasks. I think it's excellent, it always keeps me thinking (sometimes not good because i go into sleepness nights and days jags...very occasionally though, longest was 4-1/2 days of no sleep, it's weird i'll explain it if you want sometime)and i always keep myself occupied. But if i'm bored...well, i'm an adult, i find something, preferrably not-illegal, to do. Brendon however, is in school and he is in a class with 1st and 2nd graders...his kindergarten teacher recommended, however she isn't his 1st grade teacher. His current teacher, is having a very hard time keeping Bren at bay. He completely ignores her sometimes...something that he does but there is a trick. Anyways,i think she's overwhelmed at having a large class and having a kid that when bored, finds things to do...now he's not the type that looks for trouble, he doesn't pull kids hair, he doesn't punch kids, he also doesn't play quietly or futz around with his pencil...Bren makes sound-effects; Bren dances around; Bren flails his arms about; Bren hums tunes very loudly so EVERYONE can hear. *chuckle*...Well, his teacher doesn't chuckle. His teacher has tested Brendon and feels that while he can read, he doesn't comprehend (the boy has been reading a little since 2 and alot since 4, he comprehends just fine). My mom told the teacher that Brendon DOES comprehend and if he scored poorly on the testing, it's because he chose to. This is true, Bren, again, like his Mama excels marvelously at what he WANTS to do...sucky-doo at what he doesn't. He just hasn't learned yet that even if he doesn't want to do it, he has to and he should always do his best. Then there was mention of Bren not coloring in the lines (big f***in' deal) and Bren spit on a kid today and got sent to the office (no one asked him why...i did, the kid called him silly and stupid. that has to be the first time that Bren has "defended" himself...he is incredibly kind (non-vindictive) & non-violent). He was told that he needs to keep his tongue in his mouth and they told him about germs and such.
On top of that, B is now ill...i'm taking care of him and trying to nurse myself too. Guin is fine, been doing so well in our nuclear family mode right now. She's quick like a fox, li'l Schmoopee. So now i'm chilling out a little. I have some chamomille tea with a touch of honey, feeling very sensitive and loving and i'm thinking about your note to me. I have it right here actually. I've re-read it a few times; the whole thing. I'm amazed and very thankful that you found me again. Will I be lucky? Maybe, time and effort will tell...i've always been lucky in relationships, after pickin' out the shit. You know it exists. They drag you in and make you feel good and happy a few times, and then the "real" side comes out. And you just keep waiting for the good again, but it only comes in drips and drabs. That's when i simplify. I had to do that with my abusive x-fiance and a few others...not alot, just the one's that were emotional leeches. They're hollow inside and have a hard time feeling their insides and outside surroundings...so they find someone that is open and their emotions glow, vibrate every detail, sound and texture of feeling that they are numb to. Sometimes it's hard to spot them...but they always reveal themselves after a while...they have no choice. You can't hide who/what you really are forever. But they always make you feel bad, the one emotion that they aren't numb to and can distribute with ease, when you realize it was a mistake to let a known stranger into your foyer. Isn't that funny? They think they know all about you because you have let them see just a little of the surface. They don't think for one moment that there is a deeper, driving force that makes you YOU and what draws them to you. I've given up on those people. I find out about a person and i stay because i'm loyal and care for everyone i touch and that touches me. And it's not that i just walk when they show me a mad or sad side a few times. It's when i realize that there is no fun to listening. There's no fun or concern to help or console or just hold. More is when they stop you from your hurt to talk about their pain...like you're problems are less important. I believe in a true relationship, there's always give and take. I'm hoping i don't scare you, i'm not trying to do that. I won't walk away from you ever. I never do it without your knowledge. I usually move the position so you can take or leave me. I've noticed the leeches need to "make the break" rather than talk about it to work it out or to finally say goodbye. It's to feel better about themselves... holla@me |
