Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Monday, August 20, 2001
Well, it's crazy. We have about 95 people coming to the party so far and we still have friends out of town on vacation. That leaves like 30 or so we're waiting on. About 25 folk from our family are coming (most live outta town). This is nutty. Only 4 couples have stated they couldn't make it `cause vacation or work. They're probably all coming to see B- and how we live, also for free crabs and beer; it couldn't be for me, I'm a bitch. *sweet smile*
What's excellent is that EVERYONE who is coming wants to bring something or put in some cash. We have such awesome friends, I tell you. I hope that everyone is as lucky as B- and I are in this respect. The best thing is that these are the type of folk you can call at 4am crying that your house is burning and they'll pick you up and put you up for as long as it takes. These are people who know us solid and are cool with my issues (B- doesn't have any, he's fuckin' perfect, damn him *grin*). *chuckling* Just like we know and deal with their issues. Every one of them is special. So, I'll be incommunicado... huh,like I'm here anyway...shit like anyone online cares all that much! But either way, I have tons of cleaning and reorganizing and yardwork and the baby ratties will be opening their eyes any day and we have to build another den/play area for them that is huge and we wanna go to Atlantic City next week. Good lord: Guin is *hopefully* starting pre-school, have to get all the paperwork to get her registered the day AFTER the party (woohoo) and Bren's birthday next week too and 1st grade starts and ballet school for her and Kung Fu for him and... DAMN! It never ends. Oh well busy busy busy. And lovin' it! A- holla@me Friday, August 17, 2001
I've been listening to Eminem - Marshall Mathers LP.
It's great! I think he's so damn funny. holla@me
Working on having a party here. It may end up being VERY fuckin' big. we have like 130 adults on the list...a few have said no; others we haven't called yet; a lot have said sure. We'll see what happens.
Tired...bored and excited...alittle irritated too. I'm not crazy about days/nights like these. I want to jump up and down dancing, drink in the dark and sleep for about 15 minutes and do it all over again. weird. anyways...we've bought all the paper goods and the chicken and dogs (all beef `cause we have a few folk that need/have to). still need buns. my mom told me something very interesting that I really hadn't thought about...if you make a big pot of MD crab soup (yummmmmm!), and some nice corn on the cob sweetened with milk, people will do less crab pickin'. Not that I don't want folks eating their fill, but it's the truth. And also, the people that like crabs but don't wanna pick on a summer day, can have a nice bowl of soup, etc...you get the picture. The baby ratties are doing well! so pretty and cute, I give the mommy's a couple of days with their kids, but then I clean out the cage and check on all of them. The kids love holding and loving these little gems. 14 days they will open their eyes. A very important time in their socialization...we have to (oh yeah, twist our arms!) hold and touch and explore with them. The mothers are a little distrustful because they weren't socialized, just kept in their bins. `Course, they were social enough with their male rat pack to get impregnated at the 6 week mark! haha, oh well. they do what they are supposed to do. Today (as it is after 12a) will be the second litters 7th day, meaning their peachfuzz will be visible, not just touchable, fuzz and their coloring will be clear. we saw that with the first litter on Wednesday. so i will get pictures and show a comparison of new (3 days old for the first litter and 1 day for the second) and maturing pics. We're also going to take a trip to Frederick, MD to a Harlan Teklad warehouse. We are getting 2 15 kilo bags of #8604, lab blocks, a balanced maintenance diet for the ratties. That's good. This stuff has less corn and more soybean in it. And we're getting it for an excellent price! We still will give them "treats", I look at it more as a varied diet. They get Total Raisin Bran, and chicken bones, and romaine lettuce, and ambrosia (they love pineapple, oranges, marshmallows, coconut and sour cream) and whatever else we eat in the house that isn't junk food, `cause that isn't good for them. Each of the mom's have certain food preferences , it's cute. Shaka-Bear is doing very well. He's healing up...AGAIN. I let him run around without his collar when he wasn't fully healed. I wanted to give him moments without his collar and the vet agreed. He was fine with like 45 minutes, and I was able to stretch out the time he had it off too. I thought it was good. I just didn't think about how itchy healing skin is to an animal that only knows it itches and must stop. He tore himself open. But like i said...it's healing very well again. This time, I won't be fooled. I will NOT take that collar off until he is fully healed and not itchy anymore. After that, we can start him on whatever, more steroids or the Buspar, to completely stop his maiming himself. I hope it works. The next step will have to be declawing his back claws. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. I am very much against permanent physical changes to any person under my care. We made the decision to leave our son the way he came into this world, until HE made his own choice. Same with our daughter (no cutting her hair, either of the kids hair, until they did it themselves {what fun!}; no earrings, no circumcision...)just can't do it. So I really hope that it won't get to that point with Shaka-Bear. I don't know how to talk in cat language to get him to understand he has to stop scratching, that it's all in his mind (hahaha). Everyone on the home front is doing well. Kids are starting to find interests. Guin ballet (of course, she's been talking about it for-ever), Bren is imitating the moves on that Gap commercial where the boys are doing choreographed Kung Fu...we asked if that interested him, he said yes. Who knows, he'll/we'll find out. I wonder if they have a little mini-class for that at the Rec Council? That would be nice, they had that for ballet, we put Guin in it...she wants to go through the ballet school year. I don't know how martial arts schools are set up. I'll have to start making calls. Mom and I are talkin' more. Able to joke about things normally not discussed. That's cool. She told me I was normal. OH NO!!!! I didn't want to ever think that of myself! *giggling* holla@me Thursday, August 16, 2001
Haunt Me - Sade
Haunt me
Your breath
So,
And if you want to sleep
So,
{dedicated to ALL those that I love and always will love. I've learned from mistakes. I try to learn. I try to make amends. What more can I do? Just try and grow. Learn some more. Mature. Atone. I hope to accomplish that by loving and believing the best life for ones I've hurt; and acquire the strength to do so to those who've hurt in kind. Humans are so hard to understand. Everything is personal and people say things to hurt often. Did i ever think that someone would not want to know me the way that I am trying to forget my sister? Sure. I don't think anyone goes through life without at least one or five people detesting them. But I don't hate anyone. Either way it's a big world with more humans to be conflicted with what and who is me.} To be understood or misunderstood. That is the purpose in life isn't it? To find as many people who take the time to understand and hold-on tight. I dunno, I'm tired. holla@me Tuesday, August 14, 2001
I thought I wanted to get online this evening and talk a little bit about how life's been.
but... i don't wanna hang online this evening. i have some books i wanna read some dinner to eat and BABY ratties i want to play with...yep, the girls had a litter of rat pups each! it's cool, we're going to keep them because if we take them back to the pet store, there is a 50 - 90% chance they'll be snake-chow...or some other carnivorus reptile. They are adorable. I do have piccy's of the cuties. They are just like 1-1/2" long dog pups. They make all the same squeakie noises, but they are tiny sounding...you can hear them from several feet away, but they are different you'll know what I mean if you've watched and helped with the care of puppies and kittens, rabbits, etc.). my mother and I had a wonderful break-through with our relationship. That is an excellent thing. a very good thing. maybe i'll go into it; it started with my sister as the topic, mom said that i sound like i want my sis to apologize for everything she's done which made me say she sounded like her...and she asked if i thought i'd never hurt anyone (of course i have. i'm human, we do things that aren't nice and feel justification for it or do it because we are just "evil" inside {which i could go into detail about what i mean about evil, but that is again for another day}. sometimes, we only do the truth and people are hurt by that because they never want to be called on it either...no one wants to hear of the hurtful things that they've done to another, but sometimes we have to listen openly or grudgingly. i prefer openly so i can change and also so i'm genuine to the person who is upset; later i can be upset with the accusation, but it is a true accusation, because no matter what i want to think, a person is upset with how i treated them); i told my mom, i'm sure i had hurt people. she told me she was upset with my impersonation of her...i won't go into that (i told her i wouldn't do it again) but i told her sorry; i wouldn't do it again but i DID love and like her. she grunted and snickered...like it didn't matter what i'd said. she did that several times. and then she told me that i was making a big deal about it. i told her that if i say i'm sorry, that i love and like her, forgiveness is just that, forgiveness. and it didn't seem like that was the case... and then we got into it. it wasn't pretty. but it needed to happen. i WILL say that i didn't say vicious things to her (i can't do it. i've always felt that i had my bio-dad's temper; it was in me, whether i wanted it or not. his temper is very violent and wicked...from what i've witnessed and one time {that i can remember} have experienced. i could ask my dude to write about it, but it doesn't matter. anyone who knows me knows if i hurt, it's hurt with the truth. {that isn't any less painful, and i can't say that i like being hit with it, but if you are, you know and you can either deny the truth or fess up with it}...anyway, i NEVER say things that divert the issue. I don't call names or cuss a person out. I don't throw malicious speculation into the scenario, i may say how it made me feel though, {it's important to me not to say things just to hurt...calling someone a fat pig during an argument because you know that they perceive themselves as over-weight or something, you know} and some people don't like that they use the hurtful comments as a diversion from the actual issue and i stay on topic. i can understand how hard that must be to face the truth. (i know, i'm a bitch. i can be "mean." i'm definitely a hard person. it's me. i can't say enough how happy i am that my friends know me for who and what i am and still love me. i'm crazy. i like seeing and experiencing crazy. i love all my friends for their differences and their samenesses and embrace them all for the wonderful, sweet, prickish, beautiful, irritating, etc...people they are. and they do the same for me. it is only that you treat me the way that you expect to be treated. if you don't, then fuck you. if you want to be treated better than how you treat, pay someone for their time...do go askin' me to give of it freely.) ok...so we finally got on track and we got together and she apologized for other things and it was beautiful. not because she apologized to me, but because she admitted things that for so long she said never happened. you know even if i had unlimited space, i still couldn't/wouldn't type down EVERYTHING that I've experienced. only people that have had it happen and don't know what to do or how to cope do i share with. it wouldn't be believed by some, and other's would just think i was flat-out makin' it up. cool, fine, think what you want. i know my life. that is the mantra i've been living for years because i never got it from my mother. being close or i should say learning about my mother and her learning about me is a vulnerability that scares the shit out of me. it doesn't necessarily make sense, but it's the truth. letting her in is scary because she DOES know me. anything that she says about me from this point (or whenever point) forward will be all truth or part truth. is it that i don't know if she loves me? i don't know if she has my best interests at heart (i've had people i love do that, plenty)? i dunno, i have to look at things much different than i have. maybe that is scary too. everything that has been as it's been has changed. i thought that my family was constant because they have been for about 20+ years. growing...for the better? a positive obstacle? i HOPE so. holla@me Sunday, August 05, 2001
Well, i forgot. tonight is girls nite out with my bestest friend. nuthin but trouble can happen tonight.
muah-hahahaha *evil mad scientist laugh* holla@me
We got our new bed in!!! woohoo! It is a lovely king-sized bed with a plush top. plenty of room for when the kats get into bed and hog up all the space. and also big enough for the kiddies when they want to climb in. it sits about 3 feet high! the kitties look like little kings lying on it. and it feels wonderful!
i have so much to type with so much on my mind but honestly, i have no time...too much stuff to do, as usual. but it's been fun to be busy. parties and vacation and birthdays and wow...fun business i have to say that i'm a little irritated `cause I wanna see Jane's Addiction, but i don't think i can *frown* poor me. holla@me |
