Girl With The Curls |
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Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire
__One Percent - 1%__
Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never. 
Are You HOT or NOT?  
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Saturday, July 14, 2001
I have to laugh. My sister is all upset because I don't want to take part in her life anymore. Her ideas as to why I don't want to be part of her life are very odd and nothing that I explained to her originally. I sat down with her 2 days before New Years Eve 2000 in the hopes that we, as sisters, could start a clean slate from that point foward. I told her that she had hurt my feelings with her inconsiderate behavior. I could go into detail, but honestly what is the point? It has run the gamut of breaking objects of mine because she didn't have them, stealing things from me, etc. It doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that whenever I KNEW that she broke or took something from me, I would confront her and she would deny it and do anything to make it seem like I accused her undeservingly. Never admit it, never apologize for it.Then expect me to just act like it never happened and everything was cool again. Years after the occurences, she would bring them up and giggle and laugh about it: "Yeah girl, you knew I did that, haha." Well, I came to a point in my life: Married, kids, pets, adult-hood and just fed-up with it. See, I don't care that she did the things that she did. I only care that she took me for granted and expected me to just suck up her shittiness. Admit it, apologize and it's done. That is what anyone would want. With my sis, she expects that from everyone else. Even if the infringement is not saying thank you for a fuckin' Christmas card! But she never does it in return. NEVER To continue...when I told her that she had hurt my feelings, she asked for examples. I gave her some, but I told her it's not what she did, it's that she never once thought that I might really be hurt that she disregarded how I would feel by her actions. She didn't get it. I told her that I understood it was a lot to process that I've been hurt by her and that when she was ready to talk about it, call me and we would, no matter if it was for her to vent or whatever. I knew that she wouldn't. It is unfortunate to say, but I expected that she would take the route that she did. I was fully prepared to not have a sister for a few months or years or forever. It's been the better part of the year, with no further discussion from her and she has been scraping to get sympathy from friends and family; sure it's been by spreadin' the truth a little thin or outright lying about the situation, but that is my sis. She's gotten sympathy too. I've had our mutual friends call me, tellin' me that they know how she is and that she does this and that and yeah she lies but that she is my only sister and that I should just let it go. Guerrilla tactics my baby sister uses. Much to her chagrin, I haven't taken the bait. Well, I've let it go for about 25 years and she's gotten worse! Now, don't get me wrong; my sister treats EVERYONE like shit...she doesn't discriminate. Which is what I think is incredibly funny! These friends and family that are callin' and e-mailin' me have all been treated poorly at one time or another by sissy-poo. I think my sister SHOULD discriminate who she treats badly. I mean, I'm her sister too and there WAS nothing I wouldn't do for her. But that wasn't good enough, she had to steal it or whatever instead. Not because she had to, but because she wanted the thrill. It doesn't make sense to me. Why commit an unecessary, hurtful act upon a person that loves you with all their heart and soul? Some people can't help it. My sister sure as hell can't and I accept that. So I know that hangin' with my sister may not be healthy for me. She doesn't accept that. I should hang with her regardless of how she treats me or the family that my dude and I have created. I don't prevent her from seeing my kids. She's their Aunt and I could never do something like that because of my preference. My kids will make their conclusions and decisions. She's already stolen from them, but I don't let her in my house anyway (Well, I invited her and her fiancee to our house for our daughters' 4th birthday party.) or I make sure that there is nothing out for her to claim. I don't think she will steal at the present time anyway; she's currently engaged and is feeling secure in herself and life. Now my sis is getting married in a few weeks, and I told them I would not attend. Because my sister has made no attempt to talk to me about this situation. I've only heard second-hand conversations from friends, family, and her fiancee tellin' me how much she misses me. But still, no word from sissy-poo. Until this. What is below has been a 2 day exchange. I think it's interesting. >Hey Amber and Berry: >Good Morning, how are you guys? Great, I hope. We would really like it if >you could attend our wedding. We would love for Guin to be our flower >girl >and Bren to be our ring bearer. We understand that you are planning a >vacation, but we would miss your presence. If it would help we will pay >for >your one night hotel accommodation. >We understand if this isn't possible, but there is three weeks til the >wedding and we thought we would try. Have a great day. >love >J and D >From: A- >To: D me >Subject: Greetings >Date: Thu, 12 Jul 2001 10:46:09 -0700 (PDT) > >Wuz-up J and D, > >Good afternoon, we are doing great, thanks for asking. I hope all is well >with you and yours too. > >If you wish for Guinevere to be the flower girl (being that J stated >Aliya would take that role) and if you wish for Brendon to be the ring >bearer, take them on your trip to Vermont. > >I, as in Amber Cynthia Smith-Holsopple-Cetinkaya, do not wish to attend >your wedding. And no, I do not believe that my personal presence would be >missed at all. As for Barry, I do not presume to speak for him. Maybe you >should talk to him about attending. > >I understand that YOU, D, are trying, but I've tried to be >understood that my feelings have been hurt by the inconsideration and >malicious behavior from my sister, and have been burned for it. So, I'm >not trying anymore. I really can't think of anything else to say or do >except to not be around a person that I believe (by her deeds and >behavior) doesn't care for or like me. Take that as you will. Oh well, ya >know? > >My congratulations to you both. Good luck in all your endeavors. Hope you >both have a great life. > >Sincerely, >A- >===== >Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of >trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and >success achieved. >-Helen Keller Amber: What the hell is your problem? If you don't want to come see your little sister get married thats fine, but I will not and I mean WILL NOT ALLOW you to put salt on my name. I did nothting to your ass....Sorry I stole your license six years ago, get over it! And as far as you tried. Tried what? Going to the green turtle or at Guin's Birthday party not once have we talked about anything since that night in my apartment so don't go that route. And as you not wanting to be apart of my life F**k you Bitch! I have looked up to you my whole life wanted to be like you. Thought you were smart, strong, funny, cool as ice. But for you to think I want your life - I like women and want my own kids. Not your husband or kids. You're 28 and I am 2 months from 25 and you want to act like kids about this? I did nothing to burn you or act malicious till now. D did not write the letter I did, like this one, and it seems you can't see that. You are wrong in your beliefs and I know you can't see that now but you will. I guess I have to hurt for it now. Well have a good life. F**k you very much. JM Date: Sat, 14 Jul 2001 09:11:40 -0700 (PDT) From: A- Subject: Re: Greetings To: D me A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one babe. ===== Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. -Helen Keller I think it's funny ha-ha and funny weird. But that is also how my life seems to work. Is it just me, or am I just being asked to attend so our kids can be in the wedding? The rest of it is just hilarious. To try and make it seem like I myself do not know what is going on between her and I is a trip. I have never thought nor stated she wants my personal life, but I DO believe that she wants the whole married with kids life; there's nuthin' wrong with that. And as far as salt...she's put her own salt on her name...I didn't have to help. It's her chicks e-addy and I know they don't have a PC at home. Odd though, the first message I got from that address doesn't seem like my sisters style...the second one is just like her. Except, I think that her fiancee typed the note `cause, J would have just typed FUCK...no ****'s. *chuckle* I can only thank The Great Spirit that she hasn't tried to make this a Gay/Lesbian issue. I'd have to put a hit on her for that...haha...not really, but no one would believe her with that anyway. How does my family feel about this? My mother wants everything to look all nice-nice and normal for the remainder of her life. She told me: "A-, yes she treats you like shit, but if you let her know that, you’ll make her mad and it will change your relationship with her. I should wouldn't say anything if I were you." When I asked my mother if she had a friend that did the things my sister has done to me and then invited her to her wedding, would she go; my mother wouldn't answer the question except to state that if it was family, she would. I reiterated that I didn't state family but if it was a friend. She wouldn't answer, at least not in words. I think her lack of an answer said it all though. Crazy, eh? My brother, sis's twin, knows that she is the way she is but their relationship is something that I will never share or have with them. He thinks I should just accept her. I don't know how many times I need to say I do accept her. My dad, well, he doesn't get involved in gossip or inter-personal relationships in the family. I think thats decent. But he told me one day, without using names: "I know it's hard to come to the conclusion that someone you love doesn't show it in return. When that happens, the only thing you can do is let them go." Those words have kept me strong. I didn't take it as a blessing by him. I took it only as understanding that you are born into family, but they aren't always life-long friends just because they're family. It hasn't been easy. So, what do I want from my sister? For her to change? No. She can't. She will always be what and who she is. What I want, what she doesn't seem to be capable of, understands, or refuses to do, is admission that yes she has hurt me and it's not something that I've just concocted in my mind, an apology, and to say that she will try to be more considerate of me and my family. I don't expect her to be capable of doing that all the time (she truly behaves like her needs come before all the world and acts like people are inanimate dolls, only coming to life when she graces them with her presence), but more times than not. I've been tussling with this issue for a while. Hell anyone would. I mean I know that this has to be done. I wish it didn't get to this. I never thought that my sister, instead of saying sorry, would lie about this and make it seem like I'm this nutso, psychotic bitch...no I'm lying...I knew this is EXACTLY what she would do. I was sincerely hoping that she wouldn't do what she is now. But oh well, ya know? holla@me
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