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Tuesday, May 29, 2001
yea! I got my neopets on my page. They are so sweet and all. Aw. *giggle* holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 23:40
Saturday, May 26, 2001
I think that Art Alexakis and I have a lot in common if he's being serious about that song Father of Mine. I'm with him completely on that. And being a kid growing up in Cali at the time...probably like quite a few, but...
I'm gonna put my experience in { }...
Father of Mine, by Everclear
father of mine
tell where have you been
you know i just closed my eyes
and the world disappeared
father of mine
take me back to the day
when i was still your golden {child} boy
back before you went away
i remember blue skies
walking the block
i loved it when you held me high
i loved to hear you talk
you would take me to the movies
you would take me to the beach {and Marine World}
you would take me to a place in time
that is so hard to reach
father of mine
tell me where did you go
you had the world inside your hand
but you did not seem to know
father of mine
tell me what do you see
when you look back at your wasted life
and you don't see me
i was {four} ten years old
doing all that i could
wasn't easy for me
to be a scared {mixed-girl} white boy
in a {white} neighborhood
daddy gave me a name
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
father of mine
tell me where have you been
i just closed my eyes
and the world disappeared
father of mine
tell me how do you sleep
with the children you abandoned
and {my mom} the wife i saw you beat
i will never be safe
i will never be sane
i will always be weird inside
i will always be lame
now i am a grown {woman} man
with {children} a child of my own
and i swear i'm not gonna let {them} her know
all the pain i have known
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
daddy gave me a name
then he walked away
my dad he gave me a name
then he walked away
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
I'm glad my bio dad walked away. The only thing I'll never let my kids experience the "fucked-up" visions that I was given. I am a firm believer that a parent isn't a parent just because they contributed in creation...only if they strove to do their best and somewhat succeeded in molding a productive member of society. I do think I'm productive, despite what I had to go through, but my siblings are a different story...finally starting to make POSITIVE changes (i truly do hope) in their lives. Not that I'm better or look at myself as such. Ha, what does it matter? YOU had to be there to know what I'm talkin' about anyway.
holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 15:32
Wednesday, May 23, 2001
I know every year as my birthday and Mother’s Day passes, we are going to gear up for the summer. It happens like clock-work. This is when it is extremely busy with no end in sight until New Year’s. It’s good I guess. It’s also exhausting, but in a good way. I like being busy.
This weekend, Memorial Day weekend…we have several events.
Baris’ sis and hubby, Julide and Herm are coming into town Friday from a tour in Turkey. B- and J- are Turkish (yeah they’ve been and lived in Turkey before, but they were kids), and so J- is bringin’ some stuff back. She always bears gifts. She is such a lovely person; one of those people that broke free from her insecurity and complacency and dared to think that she was better than her fucked-up first husband told her. She told me just recently that she was old…older than her actual age and getting older still because she was so unhappy and thought that she deserved what her life had become. Since meeting and marrying H- (which we haven’t met yet, they live in Alaska…you know, where ever Uncle Sam tells them to reside), she feels, looks, acts and IS younger than when I met her. I always felt something was wrong when I first met J-…she was washed-out looking, waifish and pale. I told B- something was wrong, that I didn’t “sense” that was her. He just shrugged; there is a 4-1/2yr difference and they weren’t close growing up (there’s a reason for that, as with everything that makes people tick). They are closer now and he does see a big change in her. She’s done a complete 180 degree change and it is beautiful to see. I love her so much…I truly cherish her. They won’t be bringing Victoria, our beautiful, intelligent niece (J- and her ex.’s child)…too bad, I miss her. We haven’t seen her in about 2 years when we took a trip down the ocean with J- and V-. It was great to see the kids playing and stuff together. We are supposed to go to dinner with them as H- is only gonna be in town for a night…Damn Uncle Sam!
Next, and one of my favorites, is going to Steve‘s house for the all day Saturday M. Day party and gettin’ together with “my gang.” It’s great, `cause I miss my gang so much, but that is part of growing up and having to process life. My gang consists of Steve (and his girlfriend Jen), Tony (and his new wife Sally and new baby Bernie *smile *), Tom (and his new wife Holly), Mike (and his Laura, wife of a couple years and her daughter and their little one), and Fritz (I gotta call him by his name because he’s FRITZ!, and his girlfriend Lorainna) and S-s’ sisters and Ma (and yeah, I call her Ma) and my clan. When I first got into “the gang”, I was the only chick and also the only one with a serious significant other. I’m considered ‘one of the guys’ and join in the male stuff…except pissin’ for distance. And these men are real men…they aren’t afraid to be themselves, they don’t put on airs to make themselves seem “manly.” I’m proud and think myself very lucky to be part of “the gang.” I love every one of my friends dearly and there is nuthin’ I wouldn’t do for them, but I always feel that they do more for me than I could ever.
When we get together, we all agree to disagree. It’s the best thing. We all come from different backgrounds, different walks of life and different worldly perceptions. We don’t always get along. We sometimes tell each other to fuck-off, but that is only the emotional part. It’s cool. Not too many people roll that way. They think that you have to agree or that if you tell someone something they don’t wanna hear that it’s over…no more friendship. I think that’s the difference between men and women…nah, it’s probably just the difference between security and insecurity. I’m secure that my gang, all my friends for that matter (anyone who doesn’t think this way is just an acquaintance), will always be there for me at any time whenever I need them. They always have, just as they know the same for me.
We may get a break on Sunday…but who knows, Kamuran, B- & J-‘s Dad, and step-mom (both Turkish), might have a gathering so the Turkish side of the family will be able to see J-. If so, I’ll definitely look forward to that! K- and I didn’t always get along. He thought that B- made a mistake marrying an American woman…especially one that is “a sharp/tough cookie” like me that “speaks her opinion too much” (quotes per K-‘s words…lovely right? *grin *). So it was a little rocky at first. K- thought that he needed to teach me how to serve and treat a man to which I had to be very vocal that if it was “my” man…he’d be treated as a king as long as he remembered who was queen. He got the picture and he and I are as thick as thieves. He finally understands that I don’t and never have looked at Turkish people or any people as “dumb foreigners.” I think that is a shitty mentality and would prevent me from learning about their heritage and their customs. And I wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn how to make delicious Turkish food! Yummmm….kofte, pilav, stuffed grape leaves (I’m drawing a blank at the Turk word for it, haha)…mmmmm.
Monday, I’m not looking forward to as much as I wish. B- & J-‘s Mom, Miki, and step-dad (both American) will have a family “party.” It’s not a party…it’s a “scam” (using B-s word). We are being lured over there based on J-‘s being in town. I know I sound like a miffed daughter-in-law, but B- & J-‘s Mom is religious. I don’t have a problem with that…I don’t care what religion anyone is, but they will not let anyone drink alcoholic or caffeinated beverages on their property. Hell, they throw a fit if you try to order either drink when going out to a restaurant with them! It’s not that we can’t go for a few hours without a Coke or a beer, it’s that they don’t give you a choice…no options…and then they DARE to call it a party of any kind! And the worst part is that Dick (no joke, that is his name and he is aptly named) burns the food he “cooks” on the grill. I don’t mean just a little crispy or well done, I’m talkin’ about chicken, burned BLACK on both sides and the insides RAW! The fact that all sides of all the chicken are burned means that he consciously and purposely turned the chicken and charred it…It looks like fuckin’ charcoal! And they serve it! It is totally inedible, but damned if they don’t put that shit on the table and expect folks to dig in. And they call it a party. Any party that you leave thirsty, hungry and didn’t do nuthin’ but sit around lookin’ for something to do is NOT a party. It’s called penance. No family came to the Holiday “party” they had last year. Miki calls the folks from their church her “family,” yeah, they showed. So we’ll see. B- is already thinkin’ about taking some beer and Coke and askin’ their next-door neighbors if we can use their picnic table! hahaha…that will be funny!
That’s just this weekend…I’ve checked the calendar and there is no end insight for at least 2 months! Guin’s b-day and Nicole’s graduating high-school, a REAL family party in VA…woo-hoo, is on the same day 6/2. And of course, we have to have a party for Guin so that our families can celebrate together. *sigh * That means a lot of cleaning and everything else. Busy! And B- and I wonder why the years go by so fast.
I wouldn’t have it any other way though. I love seeing and partying and talking and enjoying my family and friends. Being able to know what’s going on in their lives and see if there’s anything that they need and vice versa. I think that is why I consider myself spoiled: I really have a lot of friends and family that care about me as much as I care about them. That gives one a lot of security. It also gives one a sense of contentment. I always try to find other people that share in my desire to meet and explore. There are plenty of folks out there like that…it just takes time to find. Anyway, I can’t wait to “meet” YOU. Later. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 12:53
Tuesday, May 22, 2001
Log Theme, from Ren & Stimpy
What rolls down stairs,
And travels in pairs,
Rolls over your neighbors dog?
What fits on your back,
And's good for a snack?
It's Log, Log Log.
It's Log! It's Log!
It's Big, It's Heavy, It's Wood.
It's Log! It's Log!
It's Better than Bad,
IT'S GOOD!
Everyone LOVES a Log
Everyone WANTS a Log
Log, Log LOG!!!
i wish i had a log *frown* holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 12:38
Monday, May 21, 2001
Am I just bitter? Do I not understand? Nah...I just feel like sayin' "fuck the world" right now. And I'm comfortable sayin' that or at least typin' it. I'm convinced that I'm just like most people; confused, insecure, wondering why people look at them as weird.
I'm done with that shit. I know that more people than not perceive themselves the same as I do. I'm fucking normal! I know it and so do you! Stop wasting your time thinking or wondering why people disrespect you and call you "strange". Too many people look at life as a popularity contest instead of paying attention to what matters. What matters is one's comfort with oneself. If a "friend" or "family member" doesn't get you, fuck 'em....don't try to conform...there are too many of US. They will have to conform, or they will die lonely. We must stop giving the real freaks the upper hand.
I wish I lived in Sprinfield with the Simpsons. I think Itchy & Scratchy is good TV viewing.
It's time for bed....Sleepy Time Tea. yummm. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 21:48
 I hate it when I have all these thoughts floating in my head and I can't get a hold of one! Grrrrr....oh well.
I am drinkin' this FAB Green Tea with Orange, Passionfruit and Jasmine. Oooh it smells so good and a lovely taste, sweet but not sweetened, if that makes sense. I don't like adding any extra ingredients to my beverages...like I enjoy my coffee black, so this tea is EXCELLENTÉ!
I just changed outta my Operation Desert Shield (in memory of the war that America only saw the "fun" stuff; not the real deal of Saudi Arabian soldiers with no clue and no training getting run over by American troops, following orders, in tanks *deep frown & concerned look*) and put on my 15 year old Fred Flintstone shirt...I love this shirt. B- says we need to retire it. There's no savin' it now. It went with me to Air Force boot camp and back and is the holyest shirt I own besides my fav Les Misérables, the black & white child Cosette. I love Les Miz. It's my favorite musical and such a wonderful, excrusiatingly depressing book. I've seen it at the Mechanic twice and B- and I are gonna go to NY soon and spend the weekend to see it on Broadway and eat outrageously expensive meals in the Big Apple. I wanna eat Brooklyn Pizza and I HAVE TO HAVE a Dawg! Hmm...maybe we'll be able to see a Yankee's game...lol, yeah right. No self-respectin' B-more (Baltimoron...I like to say *grin*) would PAY to see that unless they were playin' the O's hun!
My Maman is sick! Oh no! I'm home today 'cause I have such an understanding partner and no one else to take care of the kiddies. It's fine with me. I've been working on my other blog Mother of 2 Youngun's postin' pics and such. Showin' off my beautiful babies. Well, they aren't babies really, but I guess they always will be to me. I'm getting ready to go to the library with them on this dreary, damp,dark day. They'll have fun in the kids section picking out books for us to read to them and as I average personal reading of about 2 books a week, I need some new stuff to keep me occupied. Fun Fun!
holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 13:51
Friday, May 18, 2001
Yummmmm....kosher frank with sauerkraut and mustard sammich on light honey oatmeal bread.....mmmmmm, sauerkraut.
I am in a definite "SISTA" mood.
Was just diggin' some Lauryn Hill and Macy Gray....now I'm groovin' on Teena Marie.
Watch out! I have Ella Fitzgerald and Anita Baker in the wings. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 16:17
I’m sittin’ here with Billie Holiday in my ears…I’m a fool to want you…
Her voice is heartbreaking.
 Shaka-Bear is on the left. Beautiful huh? What you should know is that I had to color-in his red neck! It was nasty, but he's such a gorgeous cat. I couldn't let anyone see his flaws. Bagheera, our panther is of course on the right. Yes, he is definitely posing. He is the "Beauty" in the house (my nick for him). But when they are being their neurotic cat selves...I call `em freaks!
Ok…Here is my story about Shaka-Bear. Let me mention that for me, animals in my house are not just pets, they are family. I’m willing to pay any price for their good health.
Yes, the events I will recount happened last Friday 5/11/01 and is fairly disgusting. But life is messy…
Shaka likes to perch himself on any windowsill, but particularly in the kids bedroom and playroom. He was enjoying the lovely day looking out the playroom window, thinking Rambo thoughts about the birds and I gave him a pat. He seemed happy enough. I looked where his chin had been resting. Wet black fur, huh?
Now, history.
Our former next-door neighbors mistreated Shaka. He left their house. Our neighbor said he shit and pissed all through the house. (I found out later that he’s one of those cats that have to have a “spotless” litter box. He doesn’t like being in a dirty box at all and will poo and pee right outside the box to show his displeasure.)
At 5:30am I woke up to crying resounding throughout the house. I thought our kitty Bagheera was having problems. I got up and started calling to Bagheera…no dice, he came to me and still the meowing continued.
It was emanating from our laundry closet.
Outside are bushes near the dryer vent.
Loud and clear was a little black kitten.
I placed a blanket, food and water on his owner’s porch so he would get the hint.
That cat camped out on our porch for a week and a half, ignoring the food on the other porch.
He wanted to come in.
Finally, October 31, 1999…opened the door for him to come in.
Halloween, a terrible night for black cats to be out an about. Bagheera is mostly an indoor cat, except when he streaks out the door, but we are especially stringent on Halloween. He’s my baby-boy, my Beauty…I couldn’t bear to think of what dangers may happen to any black kitty, let alone my own!
Shaka stepped into the doorway and sat. Bagheera pounced on Shaka and rolled with him out the door in a perfect doughnut shape! Oops
They separated, and Shaka ran inside and settled under our buffet/china closet where he stayed. Next morning, I asked our neighbor if she wanted the cat or not. I explained that it seemed Shaka wanted to stay with us, she didn’t want him, really and I didn’t want to spend money getting him neutered, wormed, vaccinated, etc. and then her want this little-one back.
She said, “Keep him, good luck,” and that was it.
Shaka leans up against people and will “suckle”, i.e. something I’ve never seen a grown cat do! It is very much like a cat kneading…comforting and reminds them of their kitten hood. Shaka-bear is extremely affectionate and lovely. Except… I noticed that he had a bald patch here and there and that it looked raw in one area on his neck. I didn’t think anything of it.
So, flash to 8 months ago. I had to take Shaka-Bear to the vet. He had scratched patches of fur and skin off his neck…all around his neck. Dr. Mangini gave him a steroid shot, check him for fleas…he didn’t have any. Still, the vet told me that I needed to spend $40 on the Advantage Flea Prevention Program; needed to buy special allergy-free food that cost $17for a 4.5lb bag.
Mind you, Bagheera is on special low pH and ash food because he passed a couple stones (that was 3day, $700 emergency hospital treatment)! That food, which of course Shaka eats as well is $20 for a 10lb bag and I thought THAT was bad.
This new Hill’s ZD was horrendously priced!
I expressed my misgivings. I relayed to the Dr. that this seemed to be a behavior issue, not allergy or skin related. I told him I thought Shaka had Feline OCD. He told me we had to run the gamut of cures before we would find out what it was.
‘Should I keep his claws clipped short?’ “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
‘Can I have one of those collars to prevent him from scratching?’ “No, he won’t need that.”
‘Do you have a cream that I can put on his lesions?’ “The steroid shot I gave will suffice.”
So, that $150 veterinary visit to no avail and no change with his condition.
He’s gotten worse.
Back to last Friday…it’s about 45minutes until Bren’s baseball game. I lift up Shaka’s head and, there is a pocket of skin hanging on his “waddle.” Oh Lord, what the Hell has this cat done to himself!?
I talk to him, coaxing him to talk back and he does. Whew!
I tell B- Shaka’s gotta go to the vet…. a different hospital…the hospital we take our Dalmatian Tigger.
Damnit! I’m gonna miss the game. Seeing the family off to play ball, I disappointedly, call the veterinary hospital and tell them to expect us. After a short wait, Dr. O’Brien invites Shaka and I into an examination room. Open the door to the kitty-carrier and out strolls Shaka. He looks at the doctor, puts his two paws on her chest, jumps up, walks the expanse of her shoulders and perches on the left one! Dr. O’Brien, laughed out loud and said, “This is a cool cat! He’s like one of my own!”
I told her this is how he always was…a beautiful lap cat that loves people and is affectionate.
I gave her my speculations as to why Shaka scratches incessantly and then pointed out the gash under his chin.
She was shocked and said she needed to check that out to make sure Shaka hadn’t given himself a tracheotomy. I told her he was breathing normal and had meowed to me. She confirmed that he hadn’t torn his throat open, cleaned his wounds, put a collar on him, gave me medication, gave him a steroid shot and told me that it may very well be a psychosis that Shaka has.
Dr. O’Brien stated that there are anti-anxiety and anti-depressants for cats…she recommended BuSpar after Shaka heals up and I remove the collar. Luckily, it won’t be for life like the Hill’s CD-s cat food that Bagheera & Shaka eat. Only for a month or two. (To Graybo's 5/17/01 Blog, Animal psychologists and medication for kitties…doggies too, I never thought I’d have to go through this with any of my “family members.”)
Shaka looks hilarious in his collar! Of course, you can’t laugh at a cat, they get peeved. The first night he smashed his face in the wall while jumping on the sofa (one of the funnier things I’ve seen). He walks like a slinky runway model because he’s unbalanced with the collar. He is healing nicely and loves me to put the cortosteroid/candida medication on his wounds…although I must admit it’s not at all pleasant to me rubbing his scabs and getting “Shaka-Funk” on my fingers.
Slowly but surely. Oh, still hoping I’d be able to rush over to Bren’s’ game, as soon as I got home and got out of the car…B- and the kids pulled up. Bren had a wonderful game! He hit the ball every time and ran for the ball when it came near him. He was excited and grinning from ear to ear…I’m so glad!
Now Nina Simone rises in the background.
Her music, her voice, her emotion…
Gives me chills.
holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 14:25
Why is it when one gets down to that tiny bit of bar-soap, it doesn't bubble-up or feel like it's making the hands clean? holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 12:08
Yesterday was decent. A two block area was coned off, in the Maryland area I work. A filming crew and cast at the police station near the building I work in. I didn’t know if it was a movie (although I know that at least 4 are being filmed here right now) or if it was a TV show (and there are several going on here too). It’s pretty common to see some filming going on anywhere in MD. For whatever reason, it’s a diverse area (I believe that the “old” motto was: Maryland; America In Miniature) and D.C. (you know, USA’s capital) is IN MD and VA. I just walked right through the filming set-up ‘cause there wasn’t other way to get to my destination, i.e. from the garage to work and vice versa.
Later, B- and I went to “A Tribute to the Guitar” benefit for ALS or Motor Neuron Disease or Lou Gehrig’s Disease at The Recher Theatre. ALS is a fatal neuromuscular disease characterized by progressive muscle weakness resulting in paralysis. ALS stands for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis. Like many medical terms it comes from Greek words:
A—without
Myo—muscle
Trophic—nourishment
Lateral—side (of the spinal cord)
Sclerosis—hardening or scarring
This was in honor of a wonderful gentleman and his wife (Hugh & Megan) that are moving back to England to be with Hugh’s brother Charles who has contracted MND. I wish them all the best…they’re going to have to get used to $6.00 a liter for petrol. And we Yanks are pissed with $1.50+ gas prices (see Steve! I don’t take it for granted, just haven’t experienced paying $132 to fill my tank)!
Charles Anderson has had an amazing life, which at the beginning was spent in a band, collecting and selling guitars (if you heard the guitars he had and sold for PENNIES, you’d cry!) and is now closing with him “speaking” a book called “The Y Factor.” As writing and typing is becoming increasingly difficult and eventually an impossibility, he is using the latest IBM technology allowing him to speak his book and the PC types it for him. Look for it in the next few years.
There was dinner, music a magician and music, and music and drink, and music! It was excellent! Tom Lagana is one of the Mid-Atlantic’s leading jazz guitarists. He assembled a stellar trio, unfortunately, my dumb-ass can’t remember the names. The dude who played the upright bass was phenomenal. B- spoke to him (you know, those musicians always flock together) and he was a saxaphone player. He’s had a 26 year career and last year played 340 shows! The drummer was right on. They were tight!
There was a highlight for the Baltimore Sun’s (newpaper) Reading by Nine program: a magician Damian “Ace Of Hearts” and also a couple of kid songs performed sorry, I can’t remember the name by a dude in the same program.
An acoustic performance from Gravity’s Daughter was exceptional. Gill has one of the strongest female vocals with a fairly decent range I’ve heard in a long time, well besides Tori Amos, Natalie Merchant, etc etc…I’m meaning more in the MD music scene *smile*.
This awesome blues band K Floor rounded out the evening. It was amazing! Guitarist/vocalist, Nick Schnebelen, played like BeBe King and Carlos Santana mixed, bassist LIVE had the phat lines going, Justin DiFebbo made it “OK” to say “organist” not “keyboardist” and drummer Zil had tight-ass drum beats. The sound wasn’t as equal and mellow as it should have been, but that was the sound-check dudes’ fault. I hope to “feel/hear” K Floor again!
It was a special night, with special people, special music for a special cause. I hope that the small contribution B- and I as well as what everyone did will help make the difference in finding a cure for this horrific disease. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 11:22
Thursday, May 17, 2001
It's odd...I don't think I'll ever understand those individuals who find the need to create drama over a miniscule situation. I don't know whether I should shrug my shoulders or laugh about it. I think I'll shrug my shoulders 'cause it's relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
But if I WERE to rant...
*dreamy, ripple effect on the screen...*
It is a shame that there are folks (it almost seems like a majority) who qualify authentic people based on if known from "online" or "real life" (even if they met them via WWW) and then quantify those people based on their fucked perceptions of veracity.
I guess my beef with that is these individuals have *their* own lives and act sincere (operative word: act), but refuse to recognize that others exist on the same sphere they reside on...if not in their own town. Yes, that is what bothers me; their buncombe.
People who do that (so I've witnessed, even if online) don't really have, or perceive they don't have enough, "real life" friends, hence their need to make such a distinction. Too afraid to admit they have needs, and that it doesn't matter where the need is met and fulfilled; as long as some"one" cares.
*tsk tsk* And here am I, ingenuous, or appear as such...oh well, I'd rather profess to being naive than cozen. *laughing* Of course I want to be considered profound than simple! *wink* holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 15:38
*giggling off my arse* I just took the Personality Test at eMode and this is what it told me...I thought it was funny as hell but right-on the mark of one of my personality facets. *grin*
Hey, ambercyn, you're a Skydiver!
You're a free-spirited, independent, action-crazed lunatic. You love movies with sex and violence, and you drive like a maniac. "Anything for a good time," is your motto, even if that means dancing half-dressed on some booze-slicked bar. But let's face it, you're so fun, interesting, and gung-ho about life that people find you irresistible no matter what you do.
You're open and extroverted, and chances are you're pretty liberal (ever thought of giving nudism a try?). Plus, you can work a crowd, baby. You're like a magnet for love and affection. People adore you. They'll cross a busy street just to get a closer look at you. And, thanks to that healthy dose of self-confidence, you're super-flexible — it takes a real downer to make you blue. Your friends are probably all just like you, and we wouldn't be surprised to hear that you're all plotting to take over some Caribbean island.
You're a great leader at work. You're a self-starter and will always volunteer to take on a job if no one else is up for the task. Plus, you're an excellent communicator and tend to spread your enthusiasm to others. But routine work makes you act up and throw things, and then people don't like you so much anymore.
Ahhh well...yeah, sometimes people don't like me...awwww boo-hoo, sometimes I don't have any friends *wink @ you Christy!*
But the folks who aren't my friends just don't understand me and that don't bother me too much; I have plenty of people who try and DO understand where I'm comin' from ( and NO they aren't ALL JUST LIKE ME :P). I only ask for the same consideration I give in return...you have a hard time reciprocating?: see ya!
*chortles*
I've noticed I've been procrastinating with typin' about my kitty-kat Shaka...I'll get around to it. My ADD addled mind has been thinking about 20+ different things to put in this blog and of course they are all sooo important! Just been busy and still being taken out to lunches and dinners and tonight a concert by friends and family celebrating my recently passed birthday. Boy what's gonna happen when I'm 30?!?!
Oh yeah...Maman, thank you very very very so so lotta much for the special gift of a Spa treatment at About Faces. You are super-wonderful and I'm going to imagine you giving me hugs and kisses of motherly love when I get my facial, manicure, pedicure...I'll think about other things when I taking the aromatherapy bath and massage *wink*. Love you so much Maman, I'm sorry I sometimes take your love for granted..you're the sweetest.
I really am spoiled, I'm so fuckin' lucky...DAMN! *toothy grin* holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 13:19
Wednesday, May 16, 2001
Pretty neat...I was browsin' a few blogs and some had Site Meter was excellent! The web counter allows you to customize your settings to the point of NOT counting your IP Addy. That's good for me because I like to look at this page after makin' changes to my template, novice that I am. HAHA...I'm actually EXCITED because of the little changes I've made so far. But I can't self-depreciate too much...I'm typing this code not using Dreamweaver. I figure that I need to know the real deal before jumping in with the "easy stuff" *chortling*.
I've also found out that in order for me to put pics in my blog's, I need my own site to stash 'em. I have that so I'm not worried...it's just that I'll have to learn how to do that. Oh well, I can do it...I'm "obsessed" with learning this HTML...and now I've seen stuff for XHTML, VBScript (well, I know of that from playing and tweakin' my mIRC), CSS and a bunch o' shit that makes no sence to me yet. I'm willing to learn, it's cool...I just need patience and not beat my head against the wall when I don't get the results I want. Which is why I'm doin' my thing on my blogs...I dun wanna fuck-up my dude's business website...I'm a perfectionist so I'd be pissed at myself!
I think I'm gonna type about my Shaka-Bear and then add the pic later. I wanna remember my silly-ass cat's predicament and his "issues." holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 20:12
Hmmm....I want to talk about my Shaka-Bear (one of my kitties) but I want to put a pic in of my cats so's I will always be reminded of them when I re-read my stuff...I have to learn to do that...I'll try tonight *Cheshire Cat Grin*
I've been playing some more with the template...and I don't see my blog! ooooh! hmmmm...something about a transfer error. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 13:38
Tuesday, May 15, 2001
It’s hard for me to understand why people shut their emotions and thoughts off and think that will make everything ok. It makes me cry to see/feel my friends in pain because they “close” themselves. I hate to feel people in emotional pain. Because they look normal on the outside…nothing is bruised or broken or cut…but the inside: I can sense it. It hurts ME. I’m a silly girl…what does it matter?
It matters because I did that for a long time…thinking that shutting my emotions and feelings and intuition off would make everything better. I would be more accepted. I wouldn’t be looked at as “strange” because of saying off-the-wall things or doing spontaneous movement. How fucked-up was I? It took me years to stuff it all in and hold it down. After a while, I just didn’t feel. But then I realized that it wasn’t enough for some of the people I knew. I was expected to not react “normally” to situations:
A-, don’t get angry because he stole that from you. You should have kept it in a place where he couldn’t get it.
A-, yes she treats you like shit, but if you let her know that, you’ll make her mad and it will change your relationship with her.
A-, he didn’t really touch you the way you think he did; you have incestuous thoughts about him and secretly want him to have sex with you.
Baby, baby why did you look so good you make me fuck you even when you said no?
Baby, why did you make me hit you…why do you do things to make me so angry?
And the list goes on and on….
It’s funny-weird to me how people stay the same. How it always seems to be the same issues that a person has that prevents them from getting further in life or growing emotionally. For the most part it is the individual that holds herself/himself back, but they manage to find another person that they lay blame on. Some people don’t learn from their repeated mistakes or can’t see what they are currently involved in can cause potential harm.
I figured out (and it don’t take a rocket scientist) that in order to get myself healthy, happy, content, fulfilled…NORMAL…I had to ditch those inadequate feelings and just know in my heart, body and soul that I am entitled to happiness. I had to finally convince myself that my feelings, needs, desires and wants are just as important as other peoples. While not everyone cares about me, I need to focus on the people who do, show them how much I cherish them everyday and dump the assholes that only care about themselves. It’s not easy to do because I got comfortable with these people and it was “natural” to be abused. It took a lot of courage and effort to recognize the problem and then rectify it.
Now, I see some of my family and friends going through the negative type of self-depreciation and I want to help them. I want to hold them. I want them to help themselves. A couple have…beautiful to see! And THEY can’t believe how happy they are. They feel lifted and have no idea why they let themselves slip into hopelessness. Few have diagnosed the situation, but are worried about the consequences of fixing it. And still some won’t see it and I’ve lost them.
Somehow I have an ability that allows me to see what is slowing a persons “inner” growth as well as their health. It’s odd; I don’t have to physically be near a person, it can be a mental connection. (Am I psychic? I get very strong sensations from people while interacting with them. I can sense the emotions radiating from them. I can also “feel” what a person is saying when they don’t say it.)
I’ve realized from personal experience and observation that one can’t fix another’s problem. But because I’m so straight-forward and blunt, I blurt it out and end up hurting that persons feelings. I’m thankful for the few people that understand that I mean no disrespect or harm…they have stayed with me for years and tell me when I’m being too “open.” I’m thankful for that too. I know that I say what is on my mind based on what I have observed and felt from interacting with a friend or acquaintance. The person experiencing it doesn’t see it until they’ve hit bottom. I just don’t like seeing people hit bottom. It’s a rough place to be.
I’m probably only making sense to myself (as usual).
holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 14:55
I'm so fuckin' fickle....it's a shame!
I think I'm happy with this....Purple and Gold are complementary colors.
And purple is my favorite color.
I'm content...until I learn more *smile* holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 11:43
Monday, May 14, 2001
I've just had a long time friend get in contact with me. I'm very excited and happy.
How nice. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 22:39
In honor of my bestest friend, busom buddy and lifelong pal...my queen and soul sister...Aunt NiNi to my kids and Dani to me and my dude; I type this song:
'Miss Celie's Blues' -sung by Shug Avery
From Movie: "The Color Purple"
Sista, You been on my mind
Oh Sista, We're two of a kind
So Sista, I'm keepin' my eye on you.
I bet you think I don't know nuthin'
But singin' the blues
Oh Sista, have I got news for you
I'm somethin', I hope you think that you're sumthin' too.
Oh Darlin', I've been up that lonely road
And I've seen a lot of suns going down
Oh but trust me
No low-life's gonna run me around
So let me tell ya sumthin' Sista
Remember your name
No twister gonna steal your stuff away
My Sista, we sure ain't gotta whole lotta time
So shake your shimmy, Sista
`Cause honey the Shug is feelin' fine.
i love you D.
holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 22:07
OK...It's been a fab weekend for me. Not necessarily the mystical magical but definitely decent. I've been spoiled and treated as a queen and all is beautiful with the world. My friends (both "real" and "online"...hahaha) have done everything to make me feel special and cared for and all I can say is that I am extremely grateful for the people that I have and that have accepted me for who/what I am even if they don't necessarily understand me or my methods. I have many cool individuals that are special and I hope that I show them how valued they are to me. I'm lucky...I know it. *hugs and kisses to y'all....you're great folk!
Here is something I sent to an online chick a while ago...instead of wastin' it....I decided it needs to be where I can find it and get a laugh out of it. Yes, I do amuse myself at times.
*****my rant for the day***** (well, I've had several, but that was because I allowed a person and their deplorable behaviour to me, get to me *wistful smile*)
Why are there some people out there that say they hate their feet!? Or that they "hate feet"? Sometimes, I wish that when people said that, their feet would just POOF be gone! Seriously, wuz up wit dat? I mean, who the hell are these people that act like they could get along without feet and try to impress upon other people that they shouldn't like their feet?!?
Distain for feet! How hypocritical! How "la-dee-da"! How typical of a human to have such delusions of grandeur, assuming that THEY as a person could do a better job than what has already been done! If there was a problem, our feet would have EVOLVED differently...like into wheels or some shit like that.
****something about me****
I am a Pantheist. I believe that divinity is present in man, woman, in animals, in the Earth and that no one species, sex or race has the right to dominate another. I also believe that one of the reasons that this planet is in such ecological crisis is due to the fact that humans have believed themselves superior to their fellow earth-mates and that many humans have taken this right-to-dominate directive to mean right-to-exploit.
So, I have more to type but it's my evening with my dude and today we have the Parent/Teacher Conference being that it's close to the end of the school year. Kiddies spending the night at my folks (yea!). holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 16:16
Thursday, May 10, 2001
Today is a good day for me. I've just let go the fact that things out of my control aren't out of others. Sounds odd but, it's for me to understand and others to ponder or click on the 'X' in the right-hand corner of this window. My friends at work have started my birthday weekend well. I'm glad for that. There are plans in the works that I'm not aware of yet at home. My birthday is landing on Mother's Day this year. I was born on Mother's Day, those few years ago *grin*. I am a mother as well so it must be kizmit *haha*. I decided to show my happiness by "loaning" The Smiths. I could use so many lyrics but this is one of the few songs that Morrissey seems happy and pleased with the world. I want to show that I'm feeling his enthusiasm too! Enjoy...sing along if you know the tune. *big happy smile* "Cemetry Gates"; The Smiths- The Queen Is Dead words by Steven Patrick MorrisseyA dreaded sunny day; So I'll meet you at the cemetry gates Keats and Yeats are on your side A dreaded sunny day; So I'll meet you at the cemetry gates Keats and Yeats are on your side While Wilde is on mine. So we go inside and we gravely read the stones all those people all those livesWhere are they now?With loves, and hates, and passions just like mine They were born, and then they lived, and then they died Seems so unfair, I want to cry. You say: "ere thrice the sun hath done, Salutation to the dawn." And you claim these words as your own But I've read well and I've heard them said A hundred times (maybe less, maybe more) If you must write prose and poems The words you use should be your own Don't plagiarise or take "on loan" `Cause there's always some-one, some-where With a big nose, who knows And who trips you up and laugh when you fall; Who'll trip you up and laugh when you fall. You say: "ere long done do does did." Words which could only be your own. And then you produce the text, from whence was ripped (some dizzy whore eighteen hundred and four) A dreaded sunny day; So let's go where we're happy And I'll meet you at the cemetry gates Keats and Yeats are on your side A dreaded sunny day; So let's go where we're wanted And I'll meet you at the cemetry gates Keats and Yeats are on your side But you loseBecause the love of Wilde is on mine *wink* holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 10:31
Wednesday, May 09, 2001
why has all my stuff gone BOLD??? Looks like that on my post page and then a friend told me that my webpage was looking the same too. Oh well, I'll just ride the tide. *grin* holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 14:08
Been thinkin`…People that surf the net finding folks websites and reading what they have put into prose… people like me…are voyeurs. We amass information and become involved with what people have “made” themselves to be, but we have no desire to reach out and touch that person. We know people without “knowing” them. I think that is a shame. I have a few friends that are online. I care about them as much as I care about my “real” friends…you know, the one’s that you can see day to day if you want but most likely don’t because you take for granted that they will always be close. I know that these people online, who I may or may not have pictures of; who send little e-mails to say hi; who I send little e-cards and e-mails to, letting them know I care, have lives besides the internet. I don’t read their words and think that some ghost or phantom is typing these words. I know that they are taking time out of their busy schedules. At least that is what I assume because that is what I do. We all know what happens when one assumes though. Two of my friends say that they consider me a good “online” friend. One of them has come out and told me that I don’t seem real because we have never physically met or spoken on the phone. Another has said that online isn’t real thereby stating the same thing: I don’t exist beyond the long fiber-optic cords that have connected us. I’m not real further than the screen that shows my thoughts and jokes and dreams and goals as well as empathy about THEIR concerns. I look at the internet as a means of meeting and acquainting myself with people I would normally never meet beyond my sphere of existence. Smart people, psychotic people, sensual people, nice people, mean people, caring people, generous people, fat people, gross people, simple people, sexual people, athletic people, funny people, etc. the list continues every time I am able to get online and chat with a person. I don’t have to be tied to everyone I meet but, as anyone in “real life”, I expect my friendship to be reciprocated. No one wants to be perceived as unreal, almost like a master skillfully manipulating an animated puppet. NO! I am real. I have real concerns. I have real thoughts and desires. I have real things going on in my life. I have kids, a partner, 2 cats and a dog that depend and rely on me to be alive and functioning daily. I have friends and family that are here in MY “real life” that I take for granted AND vice versa. Is this a new concept? I don’t think so. I think this is part of the fallout of the internet. Impersonal personability (yes, I made up a word). We’ve all made mistakes online…come on be honest. You can do one of two things: learn from it, laugh about it and be careful. Or screw the people that you know that are honest and genuine. Maybe my “friends” have a problem thinking of folks online as real because they don’t feel real. Maybe online is just an alter-ego; acting the way one wishes one could in real life. To that I say: FUCK YOU PEOPLE!!! You have issues and I’m better off without you than with you. If you can’t even be honest that you do this, than oh well, sorry for ya, and have a good “real life.” Maybe I have some issues too. I look for people that are genuine and are looking to make a connection. I am an extrovert to almost extreme and proud of it. I love to go to parties and meet new people. I love to get into intellectual conversations with people. Funny how few people like this I have met online…not a person that acts like me, but a person that can get into a philosophical discussion and enjoy it. I must not be looking in the right place. Or I’m spending too much time and effort on those “friends” who can’t look past their noses and that’s why I’m not “real” to them. Maybe it’s just time for me to unplug. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 14:02
Tuesday, May 08, 2001
This morning has been supremely shitty! I thought things were off to a good start. Today is the day that Tigger, our 1yr old Dalmatian is gettin` “snipped. WooHoo, he NEEDS to get neutered, the little prick. I got the kiddies up, got their clothes and breakfast together and told them to change clothes and eat so we could leave to take Tigger to the doctor. Guin wouldn’t get dressed; she wanted to play. Bren wanted to giggle at Guin. They were spoiling the plan. Eventually, they got dressed. Guin was told she would have to wait to eat at Gramma’s house as she took her time dressing. She told me that she hated me and humphed for a few minutes. I still needed to take a shower and get myself together, I didn’t have time for my youngest child’s attitude. I had her sit on her bed until I got out of the shower. I was ready. Had some coffee and we were going out the door at ten of eight. Not too bad, take Tig to the vet and then swing back around and drop Bren at school. I asked Bren to hold my coffee while I had Tigger in tow. Setting the alarm, I had the kids go out the door. Tigger decides to be difficult. He wants to try pulling me hither and yon. Just as I finally got him under control and shut the door…the 30 second window for the alarm was up! The alarm sounds, Tigger starts trying to get away from the sound, slips out of his collar and leash and runs! I rushed inside to shut off the alarm in the next 30 second window for ADT to consider it a false alarm. I did it, but I found out that ADT has 5 different monitoring stations across the nation and while our local ADT office logs me deactivating the alarm within 30 seconds, for some FUCKED UP reason the other monitoring centers DO NOT!!!! (This is an on-going problem with ADT, they suck! We are trying to cancel them for their negligence and get another monitoring service) Grrrr…my phone had already been seized by ADT. B- was called at work to let him know the police had been dispatched. Tigger came back to me, because he’s a good boy, and I put his collar back on and got him to the car and buckled in. I got the kids to get in the car while I was on the phone (finally released by ADT) to the alarm company to tell them it was a false alarm. They put that info into their database and told me they would inform the police. Because of our ongoing problem with ADT, we will most likely get a $55 fine. In the county I live, even if the false alarm isn’t your fault, if the police are dispatched, you get charged. I get into the car. Kids & dog ready. On our way and the route I take just so happens to be under construction. An extra 30 minutes. Once we got to the vet, it was uneventful. Everything went smoothly. We leave to take Bren to school; the clock at the vet shows 8:35am. The alternate route I took to get to Bren’s school, under construction! Three lanes squeezed into one! Arrgghh….my frustration abounds! Another 25 minutes. In traffic, Guin asks for some gum. She’s a big girl, I give her a stick. We arrive at school at nine o’clock. Have to go to the office and get a late slip. Walk Bren to his class; rush back to the car and hurry to Gramma’s house. Guin started playing with her gum and got it all over herself! Oh well, leave that for Gramma. Quick pit-stop, kiss Guin goodbye and off to work. There is a message on my voice mail at work. Apparently the dude that hit me isn’t registered nor licensed in the state he resides in. Another frustration. Will we ever get my car fixed from when hit rear-ended me???? B- and I are NOT about to give up. We will be persistent. We have to be. Unfortunately for this guy, who can’t do “the right thing”, not being licensed or registered and the fact that he refused his insurance information can get him into a lot of trouble with the law AND his insurance company. I sort of feel sorry for him. All he had to do was what he said he would: pay for the damage to my car. I hit a car before. The people didn’t see me hit it at all. I could have driven away. But I’m not that type of person. I went to their house and knocked on their door, told them what happened and asked if we could forego insurance; I would pay them out of pocket. They said sure and the next day gave me an estimate of $1000. I knew I didn’t have the money on hand to give and so I just told them to go through my insurance and gave them my information. I cut this kid a break because I thought that he would do what I did. But I must just be one of the few nice people in this world, because all this asshole is doing is fuckin` me over. It makes one not want to be nice to anyone because of what “may” happen. But again, I can’t do that. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. It may sound naïve but I HAVE TO believe that most people are of their word. I’ve been prejudiced against by many different types of people from different walks of life for different reasons. I could just crawl into my shell and think that “that gender” is bad or “this nationality” is sneaky…but what good would that do? Besides, that’s a lie. No matter what color, nationality, gender, heritage or environmental background…one will run into people that are assholes. One bad apple spoils the barrel is BULLSHIT. I can’t think like that or have that belief. Because of how people have treated me both in nasty ways, but also in nice, almost magical ways. Some people fight human nature to do whatever is the “simplest” or “feels good.” Other people have that natural ability to go out of their way and show consideration. Still others do exactly what human nature so easily dictates…do what you want. It is kind of a moral dilemma but all most people want is consideration and fair treatment. I know that even if this kid doesn’t do the right thing and even if we can’t find the info that we need to get him to pay, that it will come back to him. I don’t feel that way as a sense of justice or virtue…I think that Karma or what others say as “What comes around, goes around,” is a grounded truth. Am I silly for believing that? Maybe, but fuck it, what does it matter what gets me through this life as long as I try to treat others as I wish to be treated. That’s gotta count for something…to somebody…somewhere. I'm going to have to come back today and find something positive. As bad as this morning has been...it's gotta get better! Please? holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 11:17
Monday, May 07, 2001
It dawned on me tonight that B-‘s a “cool” guy. I don’t want to seem corny or anything , but maybe I am because of how I feel. B-‘s laid back, easy to get along with, an excellent listener (considering he’s a man *grin *), and good conversationalist. We believe that we met in another life…maybe lives…and that we were supposed to meet again. We were friends before anything. Nothing more. It was nice to get to know a person inside before getting into a “love relationship”. I mean, sure I loved him as I do all my friends (some people think that odd…fuck them!), but it there was that sexual tension of people of the opposite sex, but understanding and knowing the other person (and both secretly wishing they hadn’t found a “psycho”). When we got comfortable with each other , we came to the conclusion that we had known each other and possibly had “always” known each other. There is only one other person that I feel that way with, my bestest friend (more about her later). There have been a few that I hoped were as well, but apparently not. Anyways…I came home from work. I went upstairs and took a nice hot shower (yum). When I came out of the bathroom, I went into one of the dresser drawers and pulled out a shirt. It was B-s’ shirt. Jane’s Addiction. He has a few JA shirts. He was even able to go to the first Lollapallooza (I went to one too! Lol “notice me, notice me” * laughing my ass off*). That was the last tour they did until 1997. That’s “one” thing that makes B- c-o-o-l (yeah, I’m lame..haha). This Jane’s Addiction shirt was the promoting that their “Ritual de lo Habitual” album cover was pulled from the shelves. The back of the shirt (as well as the SECOND “Ritual de lo Habitual” album cover) had Article I of the Constitution. The front of it is getting crumbly from years of being worn by both of us after we got together. That’s c-o-o-l that B- lets me wear his vintage shirts…lol. B- got to feel Jane’s Addiction play. My parents wouldn’t let me go to concerts except James Taylor and shit like that. AND with THEM no less! But B- saw Jane’s…the band that purposely shelved themselves by giving a five year window to burn bright-out. That’s c-o-o-l no matter how you look at it. *laughing at myself * I dunno. There is so much more I could type about my dude…but I’m sure I’ll be perfectly boring and do that continuously through this BLOG anyway. Different people in my life though. I like that. A mix of people that accept me for who I am. That makes “THEM” c-o-o-l too! Not because I am friends with them, but because they are friends with me. Haha…now I sound extremely self-depreciating. Oh fuck it. I’ll make up for it the next time I post! *giggling at my goofy words * I made up for the concerts I’ve missed (Beastie Boys, Rage Against The Machine, Jungle Brothers, Danzig, Smashing Pumpkins, Depeche Mode, Wu Tang, The Breeders, etc…). That’s aww-right. No biggie. But then again it’s me. holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 19:36
boo hoo I lost my post....now I'm irritated holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 17:30
Sunday, May 06, 2001
MUSIC FOR THE WEEKJanes Addition, Nothing's Shocking 3Doors Down, the better life Pink Floyd The Wall The Best of Sade Nine Inch Nails, the downward spiral Anita Baker, Rapture Squeeze, 45's and Under Jimi Hendrix, The Ultimate Experience Sade, Lover's Rock Maxwell, MTV Unplugged Blind Melon (1st Album) R.E.M.-Automatic for The People Rage Against The Machine Tori Amos from the choirgirl hotel Fiona Apple, Tidal Joni Mitchell, hits 2PAC all eyez on me Alanis Morissette, jagged little pill Introducing the Hardline According to Terence Trent D'Arby The Very Best Of Crowded House Dido, No Angel Beastie Boys - Licensed to Ill Who Is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol. 1 Rage Against The Machine, The Battle of Los Angeles Eagles / Their Greatest Hits Eagles Greatest Hits - Volume 2 Les Miserables Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes Jane's Addiction, Ritual de lo Habitual holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 17:51
Tuesday, May 01, 2001
Last night was one of wonderful, refreshing, difference! Thanks B-. I needed that. We always try and do something a little varied than our norm, but it doesn't happen often because we are tired from work. However, last night was decent.We ran around doing errands together, instead of separately to save time. We were terrible and ate FRIED CHICKEN (yeah I'm a California Girl but I live in the South now) and biscuits (NOT rolls, lol). Ok, sure it was Popeye's Chicken. It was DAMN GOOD Popeye's Chicken!!! We watched Pleasantville, which we own. I like that it's "complex" on the surface but simple in message. We toasted Guiness Stout and had a good evening laughing...even giggling with / at each other. We needed it. Something was missing. It was more just feeling each other. Remembering all the things that made you fall in love in the first place. It happens every now and then. It's easy to forget about your partner though, especially when you BOTH have a busy household, busy work schedule, busy play time, busy children, busy life! It was nice to remember together, instead of reaching for the other and no one is there. AHHH...make-up sex. Well, it wasn't because it was about 5 days since our long talk / cry. But it was sweet, sensual, touchy-feely, kissing all body parts, tongues tastin` anything, laughin` and smiling and experimentation and lips close together sex! woo hoo! It was down and dirty when it needed to be but it was sooo nice. I remembered how much I love to be loved by him. Having him near me. Not that we haven't, but we haven't had the time. A terrible excuse, but what is the purpose of going through the motions? I want to enjoy it all. And then I couldn't sleep. It happens all the time. It always takes about 1-2 hours. It was worth it last night because while we were spoonin`, I rolled around, gave him a big kiss, played with his hair and made him happy to be loved even when he slept. Now he says he's "wrapped". *Cheshire Cat Grin* Nice to know I *still* got IT!!! holla@me
posted by MobiusRazor at 21:48
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