Girl With The Curls

Girl With The Curls
Observations of a Quixotic Femme Noire __One Percent - 1%__ Warrior-woman; a Valkyrie. I'll always be yours. Always...and never.

Are You HOT or NOT?

The current mood of at

Lyrics Search

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

04.2001 05.2001 06.2001 07.2001 08.2001 09.2001 10.2001 11.2001 12.2001 01.2002 03.2002 04.2002 05.2002 06.2002 07.2002 08.2002 09.2002 11.2002 01.2003 03.2003 04.2003 05.2003 08.2003 03.2004 04.2004 05.2004 07.2004 11.2004 12.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 04.2006 05.2006 10.2006 11.2006 01.2007 02.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 11.2007 12.2007 05.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008

Tuesday, November 25, 2008
How are you? Did you get my text about going to Ladies Tea on 7Dec? I miss you much and hope to see you before this year is out.

I had to share because it is just incredible how galling this man I've been attached to can be! G wants to spend the night at a friends house this coming Friday. I told her it's her fathers weekend so she'd have to ask him if it's all right. She calls and asks, he wants to talk to me.
Him murmuring and static on the phone: on Thanksgiving?
Me: sorry, what?
Him: Do you have plans on Thanksgiving?
Me: Yes, dinner at my folks.
Me: you want the kids for Thanksgiving?"
Him chuckling: Yeah! it is my year to have the kids.
Me: Oh, I didn't know you were going to want them. Strange you're telling me this the week of Thanksgiving.
Him: Well if you have plans...
Me: No, it's your year for the holidays. I don't want to deny you any privileges.
Him: Let me call you back.
While I'm waiting for him, G's been in the room the whole time. I asked her if her father told them they'd be with him for Thanksgiving. She says no.
He calls back.
Me: You haven't taken them for any other of your scheduled holidays this year. So, absolutely have the kids for the holiday.
Him: You already have plans so let's just keep them as it is.
Me: It's ok. This is your year.
Him: No, you keep your plans.
Me: Oh, ok.
The rest was just blahblah filler.
G heard it all. She kept giving me hugs and telling me she loved me afterward. Now that I understand this game, I've adapted and know I have to let the kids see more of the real instead of shielding them from it.

I took your advice too and told the kids that as they're off during Winter Holiday, they should go and spend it with their dad.
S said, "But you'll be all alone that week!"
G looked at me cheekily and said, "you're trying to get rid of us!"
It's just those sort of comments that make me realise, no matter what B wants to think, he's not at all slick. The kids do know what side their bread is buttered. I was just a too-good motherwife training the kids to respect a delinquent dad. It's better that they see him for what he is by his actions and deeds than anything I could ever enlighten them about him.

It feels good to tell a story. It relieves the stress. I've quit cigarettes again too. I do like a couple on occasion but my body hates me for it.
I'm off work until Black Friday and will be out and about grocery shopping but I have to conserve: $325 to change the separation agreement and $710 for the actual divorce. I'm thinking of calling in some favours to my friends! haha Of course, B is true to character; dragging this out and not offering a dime to finish this. I don't see why I should ask, he already owes me $4000 - weak a$MoFo... *wink*

Love you Woman,


Hey Girl:


Ladies’ Tea – Definitely!!!!

She is of the age that she THINKS she knows everything, and she needs to bounce (just a little bit).

He’s just being a guy…going through that phase where you (and others) can see him for the emotional / fatherly slacker he is.

Do not feel guilty about her witnessing this. It is the truth and she is old enough to know the truth. His actions speak volumes…there’s nothing else you need to say. G has looked behind the curtain…

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s all so familiar.

Good luck on that 4 Grand. L


Since he’s not spending any time with you and the kids, I will assume that YMI is wildly popular now and will be nominated for a Grammy.

“Measure of a Boy” …or is that Man?

(Excuse) Song of the Year

Rock On!!!


Friday, October 17, 2008

Ok, maybe I took it a bit too literal...
Current mood: amused
Category: Life

Chilled type day...listening to CD's (Laura Love rocks & YOU should listen to her)...left to pick up girl early cos I had something I had to do - swing at the park! I love to swing. I need to find a park that has really tall swings though. The one's around my way are kinda short so you can't get as high as I'd like. I jumped off of my swing twice - oh such fun for me. I've been accused of bein' a kid before.

Last jump and I walk briskly across the field to wait under a tree. It's windy and while everyone I come across comments on the lovely weather, I can't help but feel the cold coming and I can't stand it. Being under the tree, I feel the shade invade my body and bring a chill that tries to creep into my bones...NO! You can't come in here, this is my only sanctuary! I need warmth, so I walk into the sun to be noticed by the crossing guard who's just arrived. I walk over to wait for my girl and we chit-chat. Eyes from cars, slow drive-bys, tapping of the horns, couple guys tryin' to holla - *yawn* - I've still not figured out if a smart-assed smirk or just no expression at all would be appropriate. I see no point in a smile at all; it'll be taken wrong and as if I'm getting an ego-boost from it. Put a paper bag over my head already!

As my daughter is crossing the street, the crossing guard says, "You spit her right out A~." Of course, this is NOT the first time anybody has told me this however I decided to play, "Umm, a little more effort was required than just spit her out." He didn't quite know what to say. He stood and repeated what he said and I stated, "I can tell you from being there, I had to do quite a bit more work than spit to have her."

Then he realised I was joking. Then he realized that the joke was for him and then on him. We both had a laugh and he told me that I should go home. heehee

"Yes sir," I grinned as I turned on my heel and walked up the walkway. I could hear him still laughing...


October 16, 2008 - Thursday

Current mood: hyper
Category: Life

I wrote this 7 Oct whilst at work on a scrap of receipt papier...
Today at work, I realised Y I M. Y I do spread that hhjjs I was so cynically thinkin' about last night. People look so unhappy + old + weary. It makes me sad to see. It's like an apple a day keepin' the doctor away. I try to keep upbeat + optimistic because I know some of the secrets - it keeps me young and flexible.
Better to roll with the punches and keep my wits then to take one on the chin and be dazed and confused. I have more to do than what I am now. This is just a continuation of the journey of me. As long as I remember to keep learning as I go, I'll be all right. I hope.

Funny, as I was putting pen to paper to write these observations, JB's 1973 started playin'. Figures - I can't hear but then I did. *grin*

Yes, Autumn has arrived. My bestest friend told me she's feeling like the squirrels and deer and wanted to know if I knew what she meant. Restless - feeling like I'm supposed to do something but I don't know what. Irritated not knowing what but not angry. I think it's just being intuned to Her - Nature, Earth, Mother.
I think we're gonna have a real winter this year.

Anyways, the work I'm doing now is reinforcing my foundation for later when I can start digging into the real work I'm supposed to do. I don't know what, but it's not just survival. I'm hoping it is for community improvement. I want to be global. Lofty goals for a girl but many realities start out that way.

Currently listening :
By Earth Wind & Fire
Release date: 1999-07-27

11:16 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

October 6, 2008 - Monday

I can’t hear
Current mood: cold
Category: Life

Every sound I loved sounds like a garbled, chaotic mess of scratchy, muffled noise. Nothing makes sense in my ears. I can't hear you. I try to figure out what those sounds may be and it hurts my brain. So I don't listen.
Oh yes, I feel that.
No comfort in the darkness.

And why do I spread all this happyhappy joyjoy shit anyways? Having a positive outlook is overrated. A lot of people resent it. Hell, I kinda resent it. Like I'm this innocent, fanciful, stupid girl just finding out how the world really is instead of what I actually am - starting over whilst on the decline. Oh sure, I hope and wish and dream about being better, doing better but what am i doing about it? I gotta get my act together. And who do I think I am not being content with what I got?

And arrrrggghhh! All this noise and ringing in my ears! It's too much. Reminds me how lonely I am. I don't mind being alone. It's the loneliness that kills me.

I think I've squandered Love. Here I've been thinking I did right by sharing but nothing comes. I should have saved Love for me. Should have safed Love all this time instead of giving it away for free. I worry I've wasted it; let it slip away. Even worse thought: what if there's only so much we're allotted and I've used it up? Maybe I didn't cherish it as I should have?

I'm exhausted and my back is aching something fierce. Maybe I'll have a sweet dream that will rejuvenate me. Please, not a sound...

10:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

October 2, 2008 - Thursday

Idle Muse
Current mood: recumbent
Category: Life

I'm fixing dinner for the kids and I tonight. The boy asks if I felt like Peter Pan?
"No," says I. "My happy thoughts are a bit low; I'm gonna need some fairy dust to fly."
The kids giggle at me. "Do you want to watch Peter Pan during dinner?"
Well, that is a horse of a different colour :)

Currently reading :
The Right Mind: Making Sense of the Hemispheres
By Robert Ornstein

10:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

September 25, 2008 - Thursday

Blye! I am a Kriken from the sea!!!
Current mood: crazy
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Juno -- Awesome film

My kids! they are awesome. They are so young. Wow! They have so much more to experience. I look at them and they amaze me; their interaction in the world, how they incorporate their world into it. See, I'm not a total anarchist but I do think questioning authority (reality too at times *wink*) and living on the edge (a lot or a little as suits) is oe part to happyness. Except when they question me! haha

We watched Juno together (I'd seen it beforehand) and they seemed to like it. Oh boy did they like it! Watched it about 10 times. Anyways...

I like how it really captures all the generations and especially how kids ar. If you give them the opp to express themselves, they will surprise you. The shit they're learning is still fresh in their minds & their equipment is new and developing so they can reference topics faster than we adults.

The insecurities of knowing but not.
People are their most intense selves when they're stressed. Guin said she didn't like Jennifer Garner's character. I told her that she really wants to be a mother and it hadn't happened. She's nervous, worried, wishing, hoping -- stressed. I told them both I wouldn't know what I'd do if I didn't or couldn't have had them. I know that there would be a huge space in my life and heart if I didn't have them. I always knew... Always had them in my mind and if a fucking biological glitch prevented me from conception and birthing... I just don't know.
They don't fill a void per se. I mean soon enough, they will be gone and moved on and I'll only see them when they have time for me.
Oh I may as well fess up that they provide justification to my behavior. haha They are my proof that I'm not too crazy. Just crazy enough...

Currently watching :
Juno (S Edition)
Release date: 2008-04-15

8:46 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Mourning Dove
Category: Romance and Relationships

There is a female mourning dove outside, resting in the pine needles. Her mate visits her, comforts her, feeds her ... she's lost her feet.
I don't know what has happened but she stretches out her wings whilst trying to find her footing and then, she falls over. Her mate seems distraught.
In the overgrown, unkempt garden, he glides down fro the bench he's perched upon, to her side and she cuddles close to him. He flies back to the top of the bench and coos at her. A couple of times, she tried to do the same but she falls -- falls over. He can do nothing more. They no longer share the same interests.
I wondered if I should kill her. I'll do it quick and won't make a game of her demise. Then I thought: that's what we do -- meddle. How do I know what's best for that couple? Animal behavior isn't much different amongst animals.
We all feel ai ad have moments of indecision. There is love, tenderness, affection and even irritation. Humans aren't the only animals to experience these feelings.
It makes me sad to see that dove unable to have the simple quality of life to even perch or walk. She just props herself within the garden floor or leans against her mate. Watching him bring her food and checking on her, he flies away as if he hates to see her that way too. But he comes back.

Currently listening :
Forever Lost
By Magic Numbers
Release date: 2005-05-24

8:12 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

September 22, 2008 - Monday

The Dot and the Line: A Romance in Lower Mathematics
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Romance and Relationships

1:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

September 21, 2008 - Sunday

The Mind
Current mood: naughty
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

The Mind - found out that the creative method is a blend of the unusual way a person can see their world and collaboration. It's a woven tapestry of tiny threads that eventually make one creative work. Certain parts of the brain that don't usually work in tandem do during conception. However, it is work, no matter how one slices it! It may seem easy on the outside looking in but resourcefulness is the Mother of ingenuity. I think that it can be accessed easier by some than others for different reasons. Of course, many people can gather these same threads and convert them into their form of expression.

I've read over a few things I wrote last year. Damn!
I may seem a bit crazy! Oh well... It could be worse.
Disjointed and erratic isn't as bad as egocentric and flat out mad. There was a reason for my seemingly nonsensical ways -- had/have to get quite a few things sorted.
Anyways, as I was reading, I understood where I was coming from and it hit me that even being a conscious being, about 1/2 of what is said or written applies to the moment while the rest goes to the past and the future - I mean it's just filler or bushwa, whichever you feel the most comfortable claiming. So, if I took what I've stated and threw it in a whirlwind, it would probably make more sense.
Like I said, it could be worse.
Still, you've stuck around. Wow!
It must be love.
you're as crazy, maybe more so, than I.
Sounds good to me :)

I am being a tad critical though. I mean, I've managed to stay alive, hold down jobs & raise kids for this long. I can't be as bad as I'll play it up to others. Do I want to be unapproachable? I dunno. Maybe I'm lazy and don't want to put the effort in anymore. I think I could be a hermit and be all right with it. I oscillate on that topic -- yet another conundrum to ponder.

Currently listening :
By Ne-Yo
Release date: 2008-07-01

11:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

LoveFriendshipLoyalty - Claddagh
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life

I bought Claddagh rings for my daughter and I - son isn't really the jewelry type; more into videogaming.heh
I was telling her the symbolism of the ring; the origin is cloudy. I told her how and where to wear it. I keep it on my right ring finger, heart, hands and crown faced out.

Perceptive she is and told me that I have captured the heart of you but/and now you must/will capture mine. I questioned what she meant because one would think _you'd_ captured my heart but she said that didn't make sense as I love you so I have your heart. You now are going to love me back and will capture this heart in me. But whose heart have I captured? Guinevere says not to worry about that because even if you don't know me yet, you will and we'll be trouble when we get together. Brendon says my Prince Charming will be here soon.
I can't argue with that logic. I'm here still learning...

Males and females everywhere and only one of whom I think.
Fucking shadow. Just as well, all these others aren't my type, may as well be a silhouette that is. That will keep me out of trouble. That isn't the only reason of course. I think it wasn't an accident or trite coincidence -- last summer. I believe in some one. Someone that I will feel that electricity just as I did when I felt/saw that ghost. That's who I know is mine. No mistake.
If in the end, someday, I have you to hold and listen and read my crazy thinks, it will all be worth the doubt and wonder I've experienced all this time. Every person that I liked and loved but just wasn't right, any moment that felt forced, I'd do it again again if I the end, I'm with you. Who knows when? I can't think about that _too much_ but I do know that who I want + need is out there, thinking and feeling the same.

Goodness, I'm such a soppy sentimental romantic. I need to go watch First Blood.

Currently watching :
First Blood
Release date: 2004-11-23

9:54 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

September 18, 2008 - Thursday

So my girl says...
Current mood: bullied
Category: Romance and Relationships

My daughter says that I need to change my status -- I'm not in a relationship anymore.

Who knows? She could be right.

I'm scared but not of the dark. I'm scared of passive-aggressive men I used to be married to that don't do what they say they will. A man that doesn't follow through what is in our separation agreement and pay the mortgage whilst the kids and i still live in the house in place of child support or pay the kids health insurance. I'm tired of asking for the things he's supposed to do and then wait until he finds ways of getting back at me. I'm scared that I won't be able to make it and I won't be able to cover it all for my family. I always feel like what I do isn't enough and I should be doing more. I'm scared it'll always be this way...

I probably shouldn't have written this.
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me.

Currently listening :
Rage Against the Machine
By Rage Against the Machine
Release date: 1992-11-10

8:48 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

09/09/08 6:38AM
~ Ant ~

Ants are master designers and builders, and they never rest. They are always working, and they work together to complete a master project.

Look at the many lessons for humans here. Quiet determination to reach your goal, and the willingness to work hard and steadily to accomplish that goal. No false pride that says you have to do everything yourself, and alone. The ability to work in groups for the good of the whole. The great gift of patience which allows us to study our alternatives, and take one step at a time — always moving forward toward that goal.

Self discipline, group effort, and the ability to delegate are all part of ant medicine. Never giving up. Patience, patience and PATIENCE. Not falling for a fast and easy solution because, in your heart, you know there is no substitute for your own dedication to your goal, and your willingness to work to get there. Persistence — and the success that comes with persistence — are ant traits.


Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Knock and the door will be opened.
Current mood: breezy
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Positivity Attraction Electricity Reaction
Every poem & song I hear
Puts me back in love
That perfect scary wonderfulness of
Love, learning, knowing, and everything new that isn't.
No, we can't comprehend what love has us do.
What is a measure of love?
Can it be measured?
I really don't know.
We show love in different ways so is it more finding someone that will understand and give love, affection and appreciation as is mutually compatible or ... ?
There is still part of me that craves something different -- looks at Life different and pays attention to stuff not other people do.
We humans seem to quantify things to understand and process but we qualify if these things are important in our sphere of understanding.
How strange am I to want to grasp and master it all?

Maybe more; I have a lot on my mind...

Currently listening :
Dream Catch Me
By Newton Faulkner
Release date: 2007-07-30

Labels: , ,


Self-Preservation: The Meat of My Matter

Current mood: determined
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Hard Realisation: I have been an overly domesticated female. I kept some wildishness/ wolfishness -- I homeschooled and thumbed my nose at those who judged me for it. I was able, though not as prolifically as in the past, to keep my creativity from crumbling into nothingness -- but, I let my Self go.

I lulled myself into believing the little bits and pieces I did to keep me from death was enough. I totally let my music and poetry go. I was hanging onto my Self by a thread. I was going to bury what made me feel alive and free and sharp. I worked to convince myself I didn't care or need what I was missing.

Now, I feel the void; a hollow pit in my torso that I want filled and though I know what will fill it, I am waiting. Waiting because I don't want to be trapped again. Life is full of easy and intricate ways of getting hurt, ensnared and sick. I haven't/ won't jump(ed) at any person, place or thing that catches my eye or ear. Have to stay grounded.

At this time, I feel like I got away from what was starving my soul -- the water filling my lungs whilst clawing and scratching at anything to get away and not drown; running out of burning breath... What kind of way is that to live? I used what I could find and made it what I needed it to be to keep me afloat whilst making the choices to up heave every person, creature and thing in my life.

Sometimes I cringe at myself not making waves sooner just so those around me could be comfortable. Sometimes I think myself selfish for not having it continue. I am healing my injuries on my own for now. I know it is necessary and must do this - understand where my head is at and where I want it to be. It doesn't mean that I don't long for this emptiness to cease; to have it filled; to stop feeling so cold.

I know it will happen though - I hear people calling me; telling me it's time to do real work - to really change the world. I feel that so strong; I feel like I'm gonna explode. But me exploding with no focus won't do any good. I need to become aware of my abilities so I can use my powers for good. There's so much sadness in the world - we need people that recognise there must be balance. So, I tossed my life into the air with absolute regard and conviction; the goal of a better life for me and those I hold closest to my heart.

Shape of My Heart - Sting


Monday, May 12, 2008
got the asstmgr position @ Vans!!!
woohoo. omg this is gr8.
hope u & urs r doing wonderful.
big love


Sunday, May 11, 2008
I have to say, You as a Mother ROX! The grind can get boring but U do it coz U R The Rock; the stone that keeps rolling.
luv u sosolottamuch


Monday, December 17, 2007
G~ hates Mndys. Im jokin shes purposely not laughin. told her when she 4ces sour an angel dies & fairies cry. finally haha jeez


Saturday, December 15, 2007
OMG! in line to pik up recycling bins and it is MAD! good to know ppl r wanting to recycle. haha wish me luck


Wednesday, November 28, 2007
A~ silly mo': I forgot to tell you, all I take is vitamins and drunk like a fish.
These r the keys to long life.
It's my working theory anyways.


Thursday, November 15, 2007
Oh I am so pleased!!! The kids are doing fabulous in school! Wonderfulbeautiful them - they keep me happy even when I'm blue


Sunday, November 11, 2007
adverts on buses:
I am not giving up and I am not giving in.
Achieve Change

hugs to all my crew. miss U
pay it forward it does come back


Friday, November 09, 2007
Teen arrested for doing C-Dance in Baltimore charged for disorderly conduct while cop interviews panhandler @ bus stop

No wonder kids dont have much respect for police Ridiculous bullship like this will make the PO look like clowns everytime Dont they get it yet?


Thursday, November 08, 2007
How is it that this person has got me so workedup and wantin to jump all over 'em? Certain characteristics are overlapping... whew


Sunday, November 04, 2007
blogger on the go


Sunday, August 19, 2007
Marriage. Women and men are told what a marriage is supposed to be. We as humans are born and must follow our parents rules, struggling to be recognized as independent. Then we become indepent, slowly defining and fine-tuning, finding our integral selves. We meet a person that is mutually attracted by our individuality and independence. We get engaged…the big day…then the marriage begins. But what is marriage? For some reason, we forget ourselves; sacrificing for the greater ___. We don’t talk about the changes we make in ourselves for “the marriage.” We keep silent about it – that we lose ourselves. And talking about it is very difficult because we are told marriage is about sacrifice. We don’t want to look ungrateful. We don’t want to explain that we feel ourselves a sham. We believe the lie that is told to us is marriage and we get pulled by the riptide and drug to the bottom by the undertow. It is sad because it doesn’t have to be that way. Why do we as a society think that the true measure of a successful marriage is to portray the Brady’s or Huxtable’s? Why do we think that dysfunction is arguing? The real dysfunction is pride - NOT talking; keeping the struggle inside and letting it fester.
The person you fall in love with, who falls in love with you, believes that each is equally bringing their “true selves” to the table, flaws and all. When engagement and marriage is sealed with a kiss, what is forgotten is that what you each fell in love with is what you wanted to be bound to for the rest of your lives. It is a shame that the “fairytale” society tells us is to change, sacrifice and even suffer for the sake of that same fairytale. It is an injustice to ourselves, our children too, to continue to propagate a falsity that causes people to never speak or get needed help when things must be corrected – that those married don’t even feel they have the right to speak to their partner about concerns or problems.
When a marriage is over and the reason given is “you’ve changed,” it is overlooked that the change was the loss of identity – the perceived sacrifices that were made. And someone is stuck thinking, “I made those sacrifices for you!” But think about it, did you make those sacrifices because you were asked or told to or because you thought that was your role in the relationship?
We are taught that love and dedication is sacrificing, whether that is for your family, spouse, friends, job or children. To an extent that is true, but one thing I have told anyone that is closest to me, and asks me, is that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone. That is key! You have to feel good about yourself if you want to show your love and dedication to any. Otherwise, the insecurities leak out and some people in this world will take advantage of that.

Labels: , , , , , ,


Saturday, August 18, 2007
Look `em up; tell me what you find though, I only have my books and thoughts - I won't be any help on the internet. This is in no order whatsoever. Those in Bedlam will/can/may/have put it together nicely, I'm sure. *humming her own little tune* Updated: I do spell-checking in my head; sometimes goes on the fritz (not _you_ Fritz! haha). Always reworking my work and get back to it when I can. Oopsie!

phwoah/phwoar TMI 17.40 remove 19.21 again 19.33 - 19.58 unique one odd pansexual(comebacktowhatImeanonthat...) enchant strange nunk The Dedicarte Association alcansaria ton only heap farmhouse asshole prophet pienza wine good food warm chocolate bittersweet coffee crazy corset breathless lawyers let down hence jigsaw scent stars crumbliest guns girl voice wonderland headspace tasted Fall at Your Feet morals set suck Barbara Hutton money enemy sleep fall wild flakiest want tough friend rough shit saxophones scorn silver bells open corners dance thirteen majick power Friday slow separation thence library /bottled water surely is money wasted/you know it's not even fluoridated/ CBT Albert Ellis 1913-2007/ Ingmar Bergman 1918 - 2007/ Noctilucent Cloud/ Nina Simone/Jeff Buckley/ TH 16.41 - 17.06 noddle noddy node nodule noetic noggin picture soul body spirit organise home quit smoking wright job differentiation love justice walking sugarcoat prey Pied Piper piecemeal /prove it/prov't/provost/ contraction/ haplography copal contre-jour glory hole box hanuman hap happi happy happen ambisexual diploid dipthong hanger hangi hansel HERO nihilistic genocides stark survivors tell truth pedantic panting Google thesarus endurance tightness work psyche stretching sadism stop-gap use than/then beginnings complicated touch current contract oo-eer viscisous 17.48 - 17.56 dreams pleasure words rain puppet childhood addiction cry high Tri-M 15:36 - 16:32 dawn instinctual nap/sleep hollow journey angel mother lover woman goof prodigal shoulder emotional blow my mind yoga flexibility pain sing colloquialisms hazel run lifetime The Senior socks move on wet noodle balloons cigarettes smoke personality lovely bracelet Wild World coincidence face expression active adventurous self-sufficient saliva blood trouble robust blunt feats of agility, strength, exertion & endurance 16:46 - 18:54 translating manspeak whisper subliminal seduction manhandling warrior wonder woman soulseeker SM101 valkyrie vivi Exquisite Corpse funcrazy crazy vs. mad John Bull definitions pernoctate yoni yonks folkie vocation jolie laide titular Pallas Minerva Athena goddess of war & reason songsmith vs. songwriter vs. wordsmith tocsin tintinnabulation of the skin - tinkle TNT trinitrotoluene would your its it's to be certain maker or builder heroine serendipitous accede torment surrender inflict painful aching erotic keep it up herting immersed damn! never forget the kiss and hug


Sunday, August 12, 2007
Nunk: Hindu - Hinduism Dictionary on Nunk
nunk: A contemporary word coined by Catholic theologian Raimundo Panikkar to describe women contemplatives or female monks, in contrast to the word nun which commonly describes a religious teacher or service-oriented woman under vows. A nunk is a celibate woman following strict, perhaps austere and usually solitary, spiritual disciplines and lifestyle. By balancing the masculine and feminine energies within herself through sadhana and yoga, she is a complete being, detached from the thoughts and feelings of others, free to follow the contemplative and mystical life in pursuit of the Self within. To accomplish this, she works to permanently conquer her feminine instincts and the emotional tendencies of a woman's body. She strives to transmute her sexuality into the Divine, giving up her womanliness so thoroughly that she is indistinguishable from a monk. In Hinduism, nunks may be sannyasinis, yoginis or sadhikas.
See: monastic, sannyasin, monk.
(See also: Nunk , Hinduism, Body Mind and Soul)

Monk: Hindu - Hinduism Dictionary on Monk
monk: A celibate man wholly dedicated to religious life, either cenobitic (residing with others in a monastery) or anchoritic (living alone, as a hermit or mendicant). Literally, "one who lives alone" (from the Greek monos, "alone").

Through the practice of yoga, the control and transmutation of the masculine and feminine forces within himself, the monk is a complete being, free to follow the contemplative and mystic life toward realization of the Self within. Benevolent and strong, courageous, fearless, not entangled in the thoughts and feelings of others, monks are affectionately detached from society, defenders of the faith, kind, loving and ever-flowing with timely wisdom. A synonym for monastic. Its feminine counterpart is nunk.
See: monastic, sannyasin, nunk.
(See also: Monk , Hinduism, Body Mind and Soul)

OK, maybe I can sleep tonight. Learned something _very_ interesting and new today.

Labels: , , ,


Saturday, August 11, 2007
Kids were given the gift of going to Borders books and lunch by their Mema. Very cool gesture, I'm gonna do that... one day...
Anyways, so we get to their house so's we can carpool w/Poppi - it was good; his driving is a bit choppy (but that, is another story) though I didn't have to drive so *shrug* I had music in my head that I was singing (soothes me) and so he kept convo to a minimum to be able to hear me. *grinning*
We arrive at Borders and right in the front was this red hardcover with black and gold writing - Gonn and Hal Iggulden's The Dangerous Book for Boys. As Mema was handing out the gift cards to the kids and telling them to have fun (I like the term 'have at it' meself), I was reading the coverplate of the book and somewhere between "Don't worry about..." and "...genius and don't worry about not being clever," I knew I wanted the book. Mema gave me a smile and handed me a gift card too. And 30% off the book too! Ya know how much I like gettin' deals.
This book has a warning note for parents too - maybe that's what got me. Or maybe it is the back of the book: "Recapture Sunday afternoons and long summer days. The perfect book for every boy from eight to eighty."
Moving on, I told my SIL that I had to have this book and _eventually_ read it (I got a friggin' backlog of like 40 books right now, not my typical but I've not made the time, had the time...excuses excuses). She thought it was interesting. I said as I'm a boy, I needed to find ways of keepin' myself out of trouble and she laughed. My son pointed out I wasn't a boy - I told him that was debatable. Even bigger laugh from SIL, and that made me *smile*. Not surprisingly, my daughter said she was a boy too.
This brings up a very interesting point - physically, we are NOT boys - yeah, I know, newsflash eh? We know all about this but there is that difference of not fitting in. This doesn't apply to my girl. She has girlfriends and does the whole girly-thing that I haven't managed to grasp yet in my years. There are males I can hang with that get me and those that just say they do and those that don't at all. It's only been a handful of females that get me and we hang-on to each other. So, what I've been doing is working with my girl to understand that one should never sacrifice their time to a boy just for attention; your _real_ girfriends should always be there for you when you call; don't be afraid to flex a mental or physical muscle to get your point across but less is more most of the time; NEVER leave a girl behind on Girls Night Out (and I've gotten into a few arguments with the chickees, and the gross-guys that tried to pick `em up, I've gone out with); always be true to yourself - you are your own best compass (ha! except when you're not); beauty has nothing to do with the outside, it is all about how well you take care of your inside - where soul meets body. There are quite a few more lessons in there somewhere, they get picked up and taught along the way. These aren't necessarily girl-talk convos, I tell my boy all about it too but it has to start somewhere.
It is discouraging to see how people are getting nowadays, but that, is another story...
Conan the Barbarian - awesome film.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Sunday, July 29, 2007
Remember to go through to sweetongeeks and that geek site to check out if there's a contact. I'd like to meet that James~ guy. Well, he's co-founder so I may be being a little too blunt about it, but hey, we geek girls can't help that we're a bit socially-inept at times. I'd only behave with less decorum if I'm alone with him. *giggling shrug* I enjoy making things a bit difficult. Oh well, what's the worst can happen...friendship? Who knows, could be a mutually fulfilling and beneficial relationship. hmm. *winking*
I'm convinced anyway that's how it works for me. I'm friends with a lot but not many know me, except for those that know me. umm...hee-hee!

Labels: , , , , ,


Saturday, July 28, 2007
If There's Any Justice-James Blunt

If there's any justice in the world,
I would be your man, You would be my girl,
If i'd found you first you know its true,
He would be alone,
I would be with you.

When you decide, dont let me down,
Coz there's nothing to be certain in my life,
And you've seen a thousand times
There's not much justice in the world

If there's any justice in your heart,
You love really changed, Ease it into heart,
Why dont you remember how it feels,
Not to give a damn,
For anyone but me

I cant believe you'd be decieved,
Changing memories from truth to fantasy,
Where there's nothing left but tears,
there's not much justice in the world

Just because he's wrapped around your finger,
Don't fool yourself with dreams that might appear,
everytime you'll stop and trust your feelings,
The truth is out there somewhere
It's just blowing in the wind

If there's any justice in the world,
I would be your man, You would be my girl,
If i'd found you first you know its true,
He would be alone,
I would be with you,

When you decide, dont let me down,
Coz there's nothing to be certain in my life,
And you've seen a thousand times
There's not much justice in the world

If I should lose you girl you know,
That theres not much justice in the world

Why can't I find someone like this? I sometimes feel there is no justice in the world. The only place I'll find a Love like this in in my dreams. *sigh* And I'm still waiting for rain. I've been unavilable everytime there is a shower.

Labels: , , ,


Friday, July 20, 2007
The Story of The Queen of Spades

A long long time ago, I can still remember how that club underneath the bar smelled. It happened one night, a celebration for a friend, that a side show performed.
"Who wants to volunteer?"
Someone raised my hand. Now it's not that I was nervous or shy. I didn't know what to expect; I had just arrived.
"You," he said be my guest. And I figured I would do my best.
So up I went. He held a deck of cards and wanted me to examine them. I shuffled once for good measure ... I didn't know the trick. And he fanned out a deck of cards saying in his performers voice, "Pick one."
I made my choice, placed it in my shirt pocket. The man took the cards and with classic flourish and flair, ripped the entire deck in half, then handed the two halves back to me.
"You'll want to look at those," he stated with a smile. "Did you look at your card?"
I held the deck; then threw them away. I looked at the card in my pocket: Queen of Spades.
We weren't surprised...matter of fact it was classic in my case.

*Oddly, what happened just one month ago has seemed to fit in my current circumstances.*



Thursday, July 19, 2007
I swear, if I were a _tad_ smarter, I would have used the ridiculously fake persona that is on this blog as the bulk of something. I think I still can. Some very true and painful others a complete fabrication as it makes it easier to swallow the fuckedupedness that occurs when one is out of their head and making a point not to feel. Where has it gotten me?
When we had to move from our last residence, I looked up at the ceiling and said in my mind, which eventually I started chanting, "My view will be different soon."

I can't be bothered by those who say they love me giving me strange looks when I say I am a writer. what is up with that?!? You live your life, do your thing, pretend as you need. Why do you have to _rate_ what I do? Especially by a person that told me (when I was an adult) that she always knew when I was a child I'd grow up to be many things and yet never gave the support or help. Yet I'm supposed to grin and bear whatever is thrown at me. Silly woman, kicks are for Trids*. Done with those Trids; why didn't I see...oh I did, again uncomfortably numb.
*a Trid is a silly, stupid person that doesn't give a damn about anything but their own small-minded goals.*



I can tell, something not quite right with PC.
Being led but in safe hands.
All towards the good I know
just tired of waiting

Maroon5, KT Tunstall



My Aching Feet
They've seen much more worse for wear but been A walking after midnight for several days (not this morning though; too exhausted and can barely breathe from so many delicious tasty morsels of what _will_ come) and my souls are swollen, even the toes. The damage I did...umm, last year? year before last? to the soles blistering fully have left them very hard and rough. I'm tired of rough. I need a permanent spa. A place of comfort and rain. A place where I can attend to my angels without the stress of frustrating, uneccessary bullshit for no other reason than pride to admit mistakes preventing any forward motion in the wright direction. It isn't worth it. Has it ever been? *did I say that aloud*
I think it should be said out loud! I've been murmuring, mumbling, speaking, signing, calling, writing, listening, supporting...all of it has done nothing but left me in a lurch.
And what the fuck is up with me thinking I could hide in a corner? How stupid! Was I really going to hide my head in some mundane that everyone `round me seems to think is all right? MAD! Bonkers! It was making me bonkers too. It shows on me and my being drained.



Lighting something embers flew; more concerned about my shorts than the fact an ember ended on my wrist and was burning in. I saw it; watched it; didn't realy caer about it as it took a few seconds to burn out. There is a mark - it's nothing. If I hadn't seen it happen, I prolly wouldn't know where it came from. such is life: sunshine and daisies...

Wearing Mothers it a short time ago as a present from the kids and...
seemed surprised I called it My Mothers ring though was told why the inscription reads as it does. I dun get it



Wednesday, July 18, 2007
And I'm exhausted
So tired
Try to sleep in a rigid bed
all it does it hurt
My back, my shoulders, my skin
But my brain is flying
of you
I am with you
I want to be
I really want to be

I'm so tired
Trying to breathe life
Into something that kollaapsed into itself
No matter how I try to build
To find a way
To make it work
I'm am fought
This I cannot endure
No longer

My patience is losing
My mind is aching
I've worn the brokensmile
It doesn't suit
`Cause I am the Queen of Spades
and I have the card
to prove't

No not whisked away by happenstance
But by a more than lucky chance
I'm glad you got to see me dance
And I still will
All through your soul
And lift you up
I see your goal
And I want to know them all

I'm tired of waiting
Making do
I've already paid
My fucking dues
How long does One stay
In a *beautiful* cage
That they have made?

And I'm still tired
So Exhausted
The bed feels so taut
At least the sheets were fairly fresh
And I'm sat here at this desk
Simmering, smoldering, needing and really wanting


What’s tough?
Daughter asked if some of the neighbor kids (getting to be friends I guess) could come inside the house. It’s not that I don’t want people in my house (although, it isn’t as tidy as I’d like…as I used to be able to keep it heh) but gimme a break! It’s Summer! Nice, clear sky, just another lovely Summer day. I was gonna say no but then figured something in a flash. “You can come in if you clean the floor.” ROFL!!!
Yes, this is me. I thought, maybe they will, prolly not. These children said, “OK!!!”
HA! Success!
My dude stood in amazement. I dunno why though? haha
They went inside and found themselves downstairs gawping at all the Legos we have. I was fine with that, but make no mistake…
I got together the ingredients and had them bring up the Rainbow to clean the floor. In the midst of this, a straggler came in to work (LOL) as another asked if they were getting paid. “You got to come into my house,” I reminded him. His jaw dropped, but he didn’t move to leave.
“What about a snack or some soda/juice?” he countered.
“You can have some water fresh from my tap,” I stated pointedly.
“How do you clean the floors?”
“With your hands and arms,” I answered. tee-hee
And, of course he helped. They all did, good kids they are. My girl kept them on task while I checked every now and again. BEFORE all this, I had already given my boy permission to play video games, so…
While the crew was vacuuming and wet Swiffering, I asked B- to help me gather the stuff for s'mores. I hate s'mores, but it works for most people who like sweets.
After the chores were finished, the kids made their own dessert.
Funnily enough, my boy comes around after his video-game time (AND work completed! hmmm...) and asked if he could have dessert or if it was too late?
I informed him, “If you want dessert, you’ll have to do work just like the rest of the kids did, including your sister.”
He just stared at me.
I stared back.
He walked away.
He came back. “What kind of work will I have to do?”
“You’ll have to Rainbow the rest of the Middle-Level.”
He just stared at me, maybe a bit of contempt in his face.

"That's what you'll have to do." *shrug*
He kinda stalked off, but that's ok, he processed. I knew he would/could/should.
Is it mean to say I was so laughing at him on the inside?



Can't believe it! Went looking for a few lyrics and found these...different versions too! I'm still reading them. This is what I've finished (and really enjoyed) so far. I guess I'll just keep adding to this blog... I'm lucky, I think, finding these.

James Blunt - Alright Tonight Lyrics
"If you want to you can stick around,

'Cause it’s alright, tonight,"
She said.
"I will stay here, stay with you
'Cause you're alright, tonight."
And I, I hoped that things would turn
Out my way 'cause she's alright, tonight
She said "This is fun! This is good; yes!
It's alright, it's alright."

Do you want this one night stand?
Let's take a risk and go play in the sand.
You can leave that ring on your finger.
I'm a sinner, you're the winner; I am too.

We made out now, we made up, yeah.
We made love for the world cup
I said, “I want things I've never had before.”

She said, "Alright, tonight."
So we entered heaven to accept our fate,
And to sum it up baby, it was great, yeah.
It's not often that I see the light
but it's - it's alright, it's alright.

Do you want this one night stand?
Let's take a risk go play in the sand.
You can leave that ring on your finger.
I'm a sinner, you're the winner; I am too.

Here she comes again now
Here she comes again now
Here we go again now

[Do you want this one night stand] 3x
[all right all right]

Do you want this one night stand?
Let's take a risk go play in the sand.
You can leave that ring on your finger.
I'm a sinner, you're the winner; I am too. 3x

It's alright. 15x

[You can leave that ring on your finger.
I'm a sinner, you're the winner; I am too.]


James Blunt – In Flowers / Butterfly Lyrics
You're A butterfly

and you want to be
in flowers
and you want to meet
Dalai Lama
reach nirvana

because I love you love me
I just want you to be
in flowers
with me

I'm A little child
and I want to be
held in your arms
any fool can see
that it's nothing new
that I need you

because I love you love me
I just want you to see
the little child in me

there's A butterfly that’s in my heart
it lives in me when we're apart
but preferably you stay with me
because I love you love me
I just want you to be the butterfly in me


जेम्स ब्लुन्त - इत'एस नॉट एअस्य तो बी मे ल्य्रिच्स
ई कैन’त स्टैंड तो फ्लाई
ई’म नॉट ठाट नैव
ई’म जुस्त आउट तो फंड
थे बेत्तेर पार्ट ऑफ़ मे
ई’म मोरे थान अ बर्ड…ई’म मोरे थान अ प्लेन
मोरे थान सोम प्रेत्त्य फस बेसिदे अ ट्रेन
इत’एस नॉट एअस्य तो बी मे
विष ठाट ई कोउल्ड क्रय
फाल उपों मय क्नीस
फंड अ वय तो लिए
अबाउट अ होम ई’ल नेवर सी
इत मई सौन्द अब्सुर्द…बुत डॉन’त बी नैव
एवें हेरोएस हवे थे राईट तो ब्लीद
ई मई बी दिस्तुर्बेद…बुत वों’त यू कोन्सदे
एवें हेरोएस हवे थे राईट तो ड्रीम
इत’एस नॉट एअस्य तो बी मे
उप, उप ऎंड अवय…अवय फ्रॉम मे
इत’एस अल राईट…यू कैन अल स्लीप सौन्द तोनिघ्त
ई’म नॉट क्रेज्य…ओर अन्य्थिंग…
ई कैन’त स्टैंड तो फ्लाई
ई’म नॉट ठाट नैव
में वेरें’त मेंत तो रीड
विथ क्लौड्स बेत्वीं थेइर क्नीस
ई’म ओनली अ मन इन अ सिल्ली रेड शीट
दिग्गिंग फ़ॉर क्र्य्प्तोनिते ओं थिस वन वय स्ट्रीट
ओनली अ मन इन अ फुन्न्य रेड शीट
लूकिंग फ़ॉर स्पेशल थिंग्स इनसाइड ऑफ़ मे
इत’एस नॉट एअस्य तो बी मे.

Labels: , , , ,


YMI's Untitled - Lyrics: B. Adil

Cruisin' down the road
Troubles on my mind
I look for nothing
then rewind Life

To when I was a boy
being brushed away
it takes its toll
on how we relate

All my life
my heart was on loan
you're kinds to others
but not your own

Look at me now and try to plead your case
When all the evidence has been erased
Everytime I turn around and look at your face
I know I gotta get out... Outta this place

Had a young son
right in the palm of your hand
To mold him into someone
you're proud to call a friend

Can you sit there and tell me
this was part of your plan
To take a little child
and make a mess of a man

Thinkin' I
need to atone
Made time for others
but left me alone

Look at me now and try to plead your case
When all the evidence has been erased
Everytime I turn around and look at your face
I know I gotta get out... Outta this place

Had a young son
right in the palm of your hand
To mold him into someone
you're proud to call a friend

Can you sit there and tell me
this was part of your plan
To take a little child
and make a mess of a man

© 2007, YMI

Labels: ,


site & contents © 2001 - 2007 A~Cyn

I have tons-o-fun with Aeolion, my Rainbow Quiggle at
My beautiful desert aisha, slewfootsue resides at NeoPets;
Strawberry Fields Forever gelert,Geleresa_yupitzme was adopted at NeoPets;
I adopted Heaven_Swordsman the shoryu, then transformed him to a pteri at
I adopted the abandoned -Gandou2000- at
I adopted, nursed back to health and keep the former slave GrEEliGk at
I adopted, accidentally transfomed OOhmm from a grundo to a chomby and purposely to a meerca at